nak
i think you handled it very well
i think you handled it very well
wwyd - he started a fire.
Just this evening I was on the phone with my mom for a few minutes, and I had a candle on the stove. My ds put a paper towel over it and it caught fire and he threw it into the garbage. He is 5. He came and told me there was fire in the garbage and that his sister did it. I went in to look and there was a black smoking paper towel. I then said, I guess I cant leave a candle on the stove anymore.. and told ds that it was unsafe and that the whole garbage could have caught fire and that I never wanted him to do that again.... (im trying really hard to be gd and so no yelling is on my agenda and no lectures). I said it very calmly and left it at that and then at bedtime I laid next to him and we talked very calmly about it. I told him what can happen when things catch fire and that everything can catch fire and that our kittiees could have and that he could have and that he was very lucky he didnt get burned. I asked him if it was scary and he said "no. I put the paper towel over the candle and it got black and then it went poof and caught fire and I put it in the garbage and put the cover on". we have a wooden garbage can and the inside cover had a black smoke stain on it and it was all hot.
My question is..... well obviously i need to not have candles out.... i just had this one and it was bc our cat had pooped.... but is there another way to handle this? Is there a better non punitive way to get my point across? I was very, probably too honest, bc I told him that people die in fires and that our house could have caught fire and that we could have died.... I hope i didnt tramatize him. I was very calm when I said it, but I just felt like I needed him to understand how dangerous fire is.
My question is..... well obviously i need to not have candles out.... i just had this one and it was bc our cat had pooped.... but is there another way to handle this? Is there a better non punitive way to get my point across? I was very, probably too honest, bc I told him that people die in fires and that our house could have caught fire and that we could have died.... I hope i didnt tramatize him. I was very calm when I said it, but I just felt like I needed him to understand how dangerous fire is.
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OMG... i would be so terrified if one of my children did that.... you are VERY CALM...
how about calling the fire department and arranging for a family field trip... most fd's have a safety movie/program you can take part in... i would definately use this as a teaching opportunity..
this could also be the time to set up a family escape plan... we have candles out and lit on a regular basis however the kids know if the fire is anywhere but the candle they are to scream and get out of the house... no qualms about how the fire started or who started it just make noise and GET OUT:
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how about calling the fire department and arranging for a family field trip... most fd's have a safety movie/program you can take part in... i would definately use this as a teaching opportunity..
this could also be the time to set up a family escape plan... we have candles out and lit on a regular basis however the kids know if the fire is anywhere but the candle they are to scream and get out of the house... no qualms about how the fire started or who started it just make noise and GET OUT:
I think you handled it well but I wouldn't ignore the fact that he lied and blamed it on his sister. You need to make sure he knows that he can tell you anything and you'll deal with it together. You don't want him hiding stuff like this.
Doing a family fire drill is a very good idea. We did this and when my son realised that he would have to get out the window of his room without our help and he couldn't come and get us, etc. it really made an impression on him. This was real responsibility.
Doing a family fire drill is a very good idea. We did this and when my son realised that he would have to get out the window of his room without our help and he couldn't come and get us, etc. it really made an impression on him. This was real responsibility.
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He lied to me initially, but as I said Im working on being a calmer parent, so Im pretty sure he lied because I would have normally flipped out. Once he realized that i wasnt going to, he said.. "ya I did it". He also DID come and tell me there was fire... so I think that was a good thing.
Originally Posted by Liz I think you handled it well but I wouldn't ignore the fact that he lied and blamed it on his sister. You need to make sure he knows that he can tell you anything and you'll deal with it together. You don't want him hiding stuff like this. . |
I would add one thing -- tell him that you know that fire can be interesting, and that if he is curious about it, he can come to you and you will help him explore it safely. Remind him that your job is to keep him safe, and to help him learn, and so that you will do that. But that this is something he needs to explore WITH you.
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I like this. He does have oppurtunity to explore fire a bit as we go camping and we allow him to help build a fire and add wood and throw in his paper garbage. I think I will talk to him about that.
Originally Posted by LynnS6 I would add one thing -- tell him that you know that fire can be interesting, and that if he is curious about it, he can come to you and you will help him explore it safely. Remind him that your job is to keep him safe, and to help him learn, and so that you will do that. But that this is something he needs to explore WITH you. |
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