Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 27 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,040 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I feel like such a jerk. DP bought me a very expensive piece of jewelery and I don't care for it. After reading the thread on diamonds and the diamond industry a while back I am perfectly ok with never buying or getting another diamond again. DP knows this, we've talked about it. But today he came home with a diamond ring anyway. It was really sweet of him and I know he put so much care into picking it out BUT, it is a waste of money (money that can be used elsewhere), it is not my style at all, and I already have a diamond ring that I am happy with.<br><br>
Sooo, what do I do? DP is sensitive and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I want him to take this ring back. It is unnecessary. Help!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
16,212 Posts
If he knows your thoughts on the diamond industry, he really shouldn't be surprised that you don't want a diamond as a gift. That's really a case of not listening to you, IMHO.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,663 Posts
I'm not sure! This is a toughie.<br>
Can you appeal to his practical side - honey I love that you thought of me and it makes me feel really special when you surprise me but I can't help but think we should use the $ you paid for this ring for XYZ?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,039 Posts
Why did he buy it? Was it your annivesery? Just to say I love you?<br><br>
If you do return it do not say it is a waste of money. Offer to use the difference for THE TWO of you. Why don't we use the difference to stay the night in a hotel and <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,723 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A&A</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7944436"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If he knows your thoughts on the diamond industry, he really shouldn't be surprised that you don't want a diamond as a gift. That's really a case of not listening to you, IMHO.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"> But does anyone's husband actually listen to them?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
31,346 Posts
well at my house, I'd just tell him. And I actually have done that in regards to jewelry before. But you are the only one that knows your dh and what the best thing to do is. I wouldn't do it if he would be crushed or something. My dh doesn't take that type of stuff personally anymore since he now knows that those issues are important to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,553 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>quirkylayne</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7944537"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm not sure! This is a toughie.<br>
Can you appeal to his practical side - honey I love that you thought of me and it makes me feel really special when you surprise me but I can't help but think we should use the $ you paid for this ring for XYZ?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
This is what would work for my DH.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43,705 Posts
This reminds me of an investment company commercial from years ago that mocked other popular commercials. In one of them, they show a couple, with the phrase something like "how else but diamonds can you show your love for her?....Well, you could just TELL her and have thousands of dollars to invest instead."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,654 Posts
While I totally understand your feelings, if your dp is extremely sensitive I think I would just let it go.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,040 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Marsupialmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7944542"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Why did he buy it? Was it your annivesery? Just to say I love you?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
He wants to get married. We already picked out (and bought) a ring together a while ago, but we used some of the smaller stones from another ring I had to make the ring. He says he wanted to buy me a ring that was one he picked out and completely from him. So now I have two engagement-type rings <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: It just seems silly to me, but I think it is important to DP. I was really just happy with the first ring, and after we bought it I learned about the diamond industry and felt bad that we contributed to that. We even talked about how when we got married I would not buy a diamond band.<br><br>
We talked about it a little tonight and I think I hurt his feelings. He knows how I feel but I don't want to keep bringing it up. He hasn't said anything about returning it though. I feel bad but I really don't think he needed to spend a few thousand dollars on a ring when we already have one. Rings are silly anyway, I'm not a materialistic person at all. I could care less if I had any ring. He could have just smeared some mud on my ring finger and called it a ring and I'd be ok with that <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,099 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mama_b</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7944648"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">While I totally understand your feelings, if your dp is extremely sensitive I think I would just let it go.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
I wouldn't risk hurting his feelings.<br><br>
I would learn to love the ring.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,593 Posts
oh gosh...i have actually been in just that situation!<br><br>
my dh bought me a beautiful band with tiny diamonds all around as my engagement ring. it's gorgeous and delicate and suits me perfectly. we decided that we would wait to get the "big ring" (what most would consider to be the engagement ring) as the wedding ring and i would not see it until he put it on my finger on our wedding day.<br><br>
we were living in PA at the time but getting married in TX. so, the day before we left, we both went to our respective jewelers to pick up our wedding rings and then met for dinner afterward. we both knew the other had our wedding rings in their pocket, so we decided we should show them to eachother.<br><br>
it was one of the best decisions we have ever made.<br><br>
it was truly the ugliest ring i had ever seen. i could not fathom why he chose it and as hard as i tried to just appreciate it and love that it was from him, i couldn't do it.<br><br>
we both just sat there kind of stunned until he said, "you really don't like it, do you?" and then i started crying...i was so ashamed that i didn't like the ring he had choses and that i was actually admitting to it!!<br><br>
it really hurt his feelings. but that man loved me enough to say, "if you are going to wear a ring for the rest of your life, i want it to be one you really love."<br><br>
so we got up and he drove me back to the jewelry store and went in ahead of me to explain what had happened to the manager so that i wouldn't be embarrassed. when i went into the store, the manager herself took care of us and gave me complete access to every ring in the store. it was a bizarre and wonderful experience. after trying on a few together, it was like a lightbulb went off in him and he just started glowing. he had me go to the other side of the store while he and the manager chose a ring together with my preferences in mind.<br><br>
in the end, he chose, by far, the most beautiful ring i had ever seen. and i will forever remember how precious that chaotic night was (i failed to mention that there was a blizzard, the store stayed open and hour late just to fit the ring, and our flight was at 8am the next morning). we also learned some really important relationship lessons.<br><br>
so, long story short, it's worth it to tell the truth. be gentle, expect for him to be hurt, but be ready to encourage him and offer to go with him to make a better choice. it is something you plan to wear the rest of your life and it would be awful to have to lie to him that whole time.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
22,695 Posts
That's a great story, Rachel. But, of course, I'm dying of curiosity, wondering what the ugly ring looked like. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,593 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br>
i just told dh i was posting this story and he muttered under his breath, "it wasn't THAT ugly. okay...maybe it was."<br><br>
honestly, i am sure that there are plenty of women who would have found it absolutely gorgeous. but it SO wasn't me. it was gaudy and flashy and had lots of sharp angles. square side stones at odd angles and a round center stone. i just remember it seemed so....sharp and oddly 80s (does that even make sense). it didn't match the classic, vintage quality of my band. dh liked it because he thought it was "futuristic". (i swear, the man would live on the starship enterprise if he could.)<br><br>
my ring now looks like it was made right along side the band. though it is not old, it looks like he could have bought it from an estate. he tells me that when he saw it, he saw me in it, not just himself. he knew it would make me feel as beautiful as he saw me. aw geez...i'm tearing up. i think it might be time to go "thank" him again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,235 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Jilian</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7944894"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">He wants to get married. We already picked out (and bought) a ring together a while ago, but we used some of the smaller stones from another ring I had to make the ring. He says he wanted to buy me a ring that was one he picked out and completely from him.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
It sounds like it is really important for you to have a ring - that is 100% from him. I say "take one for the team."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,933 Posts
i had dh return a beautiful sapphire and diamond bracelet that he had bought me for christmas. i felt bad initially, but i broke it to him gently that i a) it's impractical because i don't really wear that kind of jewelry and b) "oh honey it's beautiful but it just isn't my style". but we're honest to each other like that. he was hurt for about 5 minutes and then he was fine. we returned it for credit and instead he promised to take dd and i to a super duper expensive sushi dinner (i am a foodie and nothing makes me happier than yummy sushi).<br>
yeah, i traded jewelry for raw fish.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,870 Posts
If I said anything then dh would feel too bad to ever give me another gift ever again.<br><br>
ever<br><br><br><br><br>
never<br><br><br>
ever
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,627 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Jilian</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7944414"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
Sooo, what do I do? DP is sensitive and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I want him to take this ring back. It is unnecessary. Help!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
If he's really sensitive, I honestly would let it be. It might not be necessary, and I can understand your reasons for not wanting diamond jewelry in the first place. But like the pp said, it was important to him for some reason. To me, this is not a "biggie" that you should risk hurt feelings over.
 
1 - 20 of 27 Posts
Top