[BusyBeeMom]

So, MIL is down visiting and watching DD for the week while we work. A number of childcare things she does drive me (and DH) beserk, but since we try to limit visits, she only ends up actually babysitting perhaps 5-8 days/year (other visits, we're always around). They live 5 hours away.

The one thing that concerns me is that when DD has a dirty diaper, MIL makes a HUGE deal - EWWWWW...stinky pants....EWWWWW...girly girls say EWWWWWW.....and then literally repeats the story of the gross stinky diaper several times to me & DH. B/c of some food sensitivities we're getting to the bottom of (probably gluten), DD has frequent, often loose poops.

I come from a family of docs & nurses, so bodily functions are simply no big deal, and we do NOT want DD to feel ashamed or embarrased, especially the food issues we're dealing with. MIL has serious 'ick' issues w/all things bodily.

Is it worth bringing this up w/MIL (she's hyper touchy/sensitive/etc and there is not a way to do this w/o it being seen as a major criticism and something that will be conveyed to the rest of the family repeatedly - they're so controlling, they're so weird, etc) or just let it slide? She'll also probably make a big deal to DD - "your mommy says it's not icky or something, your mommy says we can't say EWWWW."

She's leaving in a few hours, and hopefully we won't have an extended visit for another several months.

 

[Shanana]

I would guess that since your dd is exposed to it so rarely, it probably won't have much of an effect. But I can see how it would be really annoying, and there is always the risk it might plant a seed in her head.

I have family like your mil, where I'm not allowed to criticize unless I want to start WWIII, so I know what that feels like, too. It's hard to pick your battles, especially when there's so much that you don't like.

I don't have much advice, just wanted to let you know I feel your pain. You'll just have to decide if the risk to your dd is high enough that you're willing to have this battle. In a perfect world, she wouldn't have to be exposed to any of that crap.

 

[GavinSophieMama]

We have similiar issues with my MIL. I have found if we say somthing immediately when she says something inappropriate it helps us to not stew about it and try to figure out how to bring it up nicely later. Even though she does not visit often you have many years to deal with this. I'd say something quietly to her like "oh we don't make a big deal about that sort of thing" or "please don't make her feel bad about potty issues". I know you can't say this but imagine if you MIL was in the bathroom and someone said things like that, I'm sure she wouldn't like it. Good luck!

 

[katies_mama]

It might be kind of underhanded, but maybe you can pretend that YOU said ick or something over a smelly diaper, and then have your husband gently remind you (in front of MIL) that you agreed not to do that, so as not to give DD a complex. Then you can say, "oh, I agree, that is so important. I can't believe I slipped up! I will try harder. Thanks for reminding me--we need to support each other in this effort."

This could of course backfire, but it is very hard dealing with overly sensitive people. Sometimes a roundabout approach to a topic like this is the only way to keep the peace, if that is very important to you.

 

[AugustineM]

Nice idea, katies mama.

 

[JBaxter]

I dont see it as a problem. She may have done that w/ her children as did her mother etc.
I come from a family a nurses and a few dental hygienists and we all do it. The phrase ewwww stinky pants or ewww stinkies has been used by my mother, me , my sister and brothers when changing a messy diaper. My youngest started to tell me his pants needed changing my calling them ewwies. He is not very verbal but has been out of diapers since 2 1/2 but still calls them stinkies.

 

[Cardinal]

How did she ever raise your husband/partner?

Weird issues she's got, IMHO. I'd say something silly probably, such as, "Ewww, (insert her name here) has stinky breath."

Okay, so no I really wouldn't, but I'd like to if I were you.

Since she is leaving soon, just let it go.

 

[laohaire]

I would so totally hate that - I also never say anything like that to DD when changing her diaper, in fact I consider it to be an enjoyable interaction between us.

But I don't think your MIL is going to cause any problems doing it so infrequently. You might even joke to DD (out MIL's earshot) how funny MIL is to call it "stinky" and "ew" and just make it like a funny thing that MIL does.

 

[captain optimism]

If it were me, i would probably say something to the kid. Something like this: "oh, Grandma really thinks poops are yucky, doesn't she? They don't bother me that much, it's normal. Poor Grandma. It must be hard for her when she has to poop. Everybody poops, you know."

I don't mean to say it in front of your MIL, either.

 

[Ellp]

Your MIL's comments would really bother me as well. Pooping is a normal bodily function and to make such a big deal about it, especially negative comments, would concern me. I would probably ask Dh to say something, and follow up with a gentle talk with Dd about Mil's "teasing".

 

[L. A. Richman]

I think it is okay to say what you want but do it in a joking or gentle manner. When your MIL talks about the stinky diaper you can say "that's okay sweet pea, even grandma has stinky pants some time." Or you can say in a sweet/joking tone of voice, "oh grandma you should be nice to my baby! Don't make her feel bad about going to the bathroom!"

But then my MIL doesn't like me at all...

Good luck.

 

[Beeblebrox]

Honestly, in situations like this, my daughter's feelings would trump MIL's any day. So, if MIL feelings get hurt, too bad. I'm not saying go about it in a mean way, but if just bringing it up is likely to cause an issue, oh well. Your daughters feelings are more important.

 

[sparklefairy]

I think this is supposed to be a motivator for a child to use the toilet. A passive-aggressive, manipulitive technique, maybe, but one of the accepted steps a generation or two ago.

I swear there's a whole tribe of women who cannot be direct if their lives are at stake. I don't know how many times I've confronted my own mother with "why did you say yes when you meant no?" (she does say no, but with her body language, usually well after the fact) and she just can't make herself do it.

Whoops, tangent. But not really, because this is what comes into play when we are direct with them -- they expect us to come up with a trick, a manipulation, an indirect way of getting them to do something differently.

 

[frannyfresh]

I feel so bad now! I never reliezed that when I make similar comments to my DD she might take it negatively. I agree w/ PP about a generation of women who had a certain technique in raising children. That's my Mom and I don't want to be that way. Thanks for your post