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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Here is the situation. My dad lives 5 hours away. He told me he was going to wait until after the birth to come for another visit (mostly to see DS). He thinks my due date is Christmas, it's actually the 11th (we had issues last time so I decided just to tell him a further off date this time to avoid that). Well he ended up having to take my grandma to a town near us and let me know yesterday that he now plans on visiting us tomorrow. Normally that would be fine, but he is SICK! He's got some throat thing he said (I'm not sure if it is respiratory or not) but he didn't sound great on the phone. I guess he just picked it up the last couple of days.<br><br>
I have spent this whole pregnancy trying not to be sick and now at the end I will certainly be exposed to something and so will my DS and DH who has to work an insane amount of hours this time of year. I don't want to be sick, I'm already miserable. There is no way I could take care of DS being sick right now, just too much, and we can't afford for DH to get sick. DS has only been sick once in his life so it is doubtful he would get it, but we also don't go hanging around with sick people so I don't know. I am bad about catching things around, and DH varies.<br><br>
So I told him not to come if he was sick. He said he would still come and just drop off the gifts he has and then leave. I know he won't do that. He says he will but he won't. He will want to visit DS, give hugs, play with toys with him, etc. So I've told him no and he still insists. I know I should just say don't come but honestly I feel bad doing it for some reason. I've always had trouble standing up to my dad and I guess this is no different.<br><br>
I know this isn't a huge deal but I was up for 3 hours last night just worrying about this! It is seriously stressing me out to think about us getting sick. I'm also stressing that I'll go into labor or something while he is here or between now and then and we weren't planning to tell people for a few days after the baby is born because we want time to ourselves and know that nobody will respect that.<br><br>
I understand he is going to be so close he just wants to visit but really it is making me upset!<br><br>
So I need some unbiased advise, although I guess since you are just hearing me b*tch about it, it's biased! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I wish I knew what to tell you. I would want to tell him no too, but I'm like you and I would feel bad and let him come and then just worry and be mad about it afterwards.
 

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I can see why you are stressed, because even if he drops off gifts, it doesn't take much to pass germs from one person to another. Just a gift could do the trick.<br><br>
Can you tell him in a sweet way, "it's so nice of you to want to bring the gifts by early, but is it okay if you wait until later, when you're well? We will want to visit with you when you come, and we'd love it if you could just save your visit for another time. DS will be so disappointed if you come for a minute and then leave..."<br><br>
or something like that? I don't think it's unreasonable for you to feel the way you do. Even 30 seconds together can pass the sickness to your family.
 

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I can completely understand why you would be concerned. I would also not want him visiting but would have a hard time being firm about it. I know my own dad would personally not understand my concerns as well, making it all that more challenging to explain it. Can you tell him you are really tired and aren't up for any visitors (I would imagine is true, especially after your stress worrying about it!)? In the meanwhile, keep telling yourself positive health affirmations ("I am healthy....")
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Wow I'm glad you guys understand! I thought everyone would either think I was a nut for worrying about it or a wimp for not standing up to him. I just know he wouldn't understand and he doesn't have much longer with us I know (he's in terrible health as it is) and so I never want to turn down a visit, especially since we can't travel there much.<br><br>
Still not sure what to do! He was supposed to call today and tell me what time they planned to get here and I was going to bring it up then and see how he was feeling, etc. but he hasn't called. I'm nervous to call him! So silly! He's my dad I shouldn't be nervous calling him!
 

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Is there some way you can be away from home when he's planning on coming? You can tell him you've got to be out (you've got an appointment, a party, etc) and to just leave your presents on the porch or with the neighbor or maybe dh could be there to accept the gifts, but not you and ds.<br><br>
I'm super paranoid and careful about exposure to illness right now myself. Hope you find a solution that works for you.<br><br>
Christa
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Oh and honestly I'm a little ticked that he even would expect to come in the first place being sick, I mean who does that? Especially with a pregnant woman and a toddler? This is why I think he won't understand, since he obviously hasn't thought about it.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>wife&mommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9946395"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Oh and honestly I'm a little ticked that he even would expect to come in the first place being sick, I mean who does that? Especially with a pregnant woman and a toddler? This is why I think he won't understand, since he obviously hasn't thought about it.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
Just tell him no. "I know you don't want to endanger me or the baby, thanks for being so considerate." :p<br><br>
Like I've said all along, this is the perfect time to play the insane hormonal preggo stereotype and be blameless later <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> Good Luck!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>crsta33</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9946361"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Is there some way you can be away from home when he's planning on coming? You can tell him you've got to be out (you've got an appointment, a party, etc) and to just leave your presents on the porch or with the neighbor or maybe dh could be there to accept the gifts, but not you and ds.</div>
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I was gonna suggest just not being home, too. Or, if he doesn't have a key and there's no way a visitor can tell if you're home or not, just don't answer when he knocks. I think it's wicked inconsiderate of him to come over when he's not well
 

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I would tell him just exactly what you told us. I don't want to get sick, I am too tired to take care of DS if he gets sick and if DH gets sick, we are in big trouble. Also being sick this late in your pregnancy could be really bad for you and the baby. Let him know that the best gift he could give you would be to come visit when he is healthy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
OK I just called him. I used some of your advice. I told him please do not come if he is sick that we do not need this presents at all especially not right now and the best gift would be to stay healthy! I told him I couldn't handle taking care of DS right now while he was sick and that I am already miserable and don't need to feel any worse by getting sick. He said they are going to drive over and if he feels bad then he is just going to stay in the car and they will drop off the gifts (why do we need these damn gifts!?!?!). He said he hasn't ever even touched the gifts (his wife did all that) so they aren't "infected" from earlier or anything. I told him I was up for 3 hours last night worrying about it and he said that he would not come get me sick. So I said OK please just trust your judgement and if you feel bad don't come! He doesn't get the "don't come" means DON'T COME HERE not don't come into the house. Ugh. I tried to make it as plain as I could and I even said that but he doesn't get it. Anyway... they are coming around 3. Sometimes DS naps during that time, I think I will *make sure* he is napping then and then they won't have a reason to come inside even if he says he feels OK. I will make it really clear I don't want a hug or him near enough to breathe on me. I already upped our vitamin C yesterday and we are taking juice plus. I'll give DS sambucol in the morning just in case. This is making me so annoyed! At least he knows how upset and worried about it I am so he will most likely stay in the car even if he feels a little bad. Realistically we are probably exposed to more crap at the grocery store and haven't caught anything but you never know.<br>
OK ... off to positively think myself healthy and anti-labor vibes until Sunday.<br><br>
ETA: Oh and he seemed mad that I would call and say all that. He hung up pretty abruptly as well which he normally doesn't do. Should be fun! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>VickV</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9946625"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I was gonna suggest just not being home, too. Or, if he doesn't have a key and there's no way a visitor can tell if you're home or not, just don't answer when he knocks. I think it's wicked inconsiderate of him to come over when he's not well</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 

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I'm glad you said something!I probably would have done the same thing. Either that-or I just would not answer the door-we had to go out-or my favorite-is be too tired for visitors.<br><br>
Parents are hard. But if they take it too personally just blame pregnancy hormones!<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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we've canceled two family gatherings b/c of colds and visits to friends. i think you're being very reasonable. it's so hard to deal w/ people who don't sympathize though.<br><br>
i was also going suggest being out of the house somehow. or maybe explain yourself again and then just putt words in his mouth (before he can even respond to you) like, "(blah, blah blah)......thanks for waiting to bring the gifts, i really appreciate your being understanding, it will be fun to get together when you are well."
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Not that anyone was loosing sleep over this or anything (well, except me!) but I thought I would update you all. Dad called this morning and said that his wife made him stay home because she didn't even want him riding in the car with my grandma so that she didn't get sick. So no sickies here today! Woo hoo! And bring on the labor vibes now.
 

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Yay! Problem solved!
 

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Yay! I'm glad it turned out well after all.
 

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That's awesome! I'm glad you don't have this to worry about anymore.
 
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