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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I had a m/w appt. 2 wks. ago and the m/w kinda pulled a fast one on me and told me (now, a month from delivering) that she wasn't happy w/ the amount that she was contracted to receive from my insurance and would like me to pay her another $1,000 making her full pay for my care a total of $4,000. She's the only one in town and the ones in neighboring counties charge $2,500-$2,800 but I wasn't worried b/c my insurance pays the full amount and I felt good about going with her as the other ones are an hour and 1/2from my house at least. I have already made a decision about this but am telling you to set the scene for the next conversation:

So, I was still in shock from that conversation when the m/w's apprentice (while the m/w walked to another room) asked me if I was planning for a waterbirth. I said that I did like the idea but would go with how I felt at the time. The conversation continued and I told her that I had not bought a birthing pool but had a large garden-style jacuzzi tub in my bathroom that I planned to use. She immediately jumped on that and told me that the m/w didn't usually like the way she had to reach into them and that it just wouldn't work out if Pam (the m/w) didn't like which way it was facing, etc. At the time I just kinda thought that I would deal with it later and didn't want to stress about another subject.

Tomorrow is my home visit. As I've been preparing for it, I've been thinking about the previous conversation. I had decided that if she really put her foot down that she wouldn't let me labor and deliver in my bathtub, I would tell her that this was my birth and she could wait in the next room! Afterall, my biggest reason for going w/ a hb this time was so that I could do what was right for ME and what I was comfortable w/ instead of the hospital and dr. protocal that I have dealt w/ in the past.

Am I wrong? I shared this all w/ dh for the first time last night and he immediately started telling me how I'm the "worst patient ever" and didn't need to start another war, blah, blah... and how she had her reason, etc. That even in a hb I couldn't expect to get EVERYTHING how I want it and on and on. WELLLLL>..... after a long "chat" he spent the night on the couch and then this morning told me that he's not disagreeing w/ me in theory but that he just doesn't want to have me getting all upset and on my "high horse" about it. I understand that I have to wait and see what she says at the home visit tomorrow, but am I wrong to stick to my guns on this???? her big hang up, apparently is that if there is a cervical lip, she won't be able to reach in to hold it back while I push. My previous experience tells me that if I have a lip and feel the need to push, the lip will be minor enough that I can push through it and honestly it's just not that big of a deal. What do you all think?

I guess that up until this point I felt relatively comfortable w/ my m/w, although I never felt that we were soul mates or anything wonderful. But now, when every day is one of the last ones, I feel like she's dropped a couple bombs that are kinda polarizing us. I don't want that between us at my birth!
 

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I think thats wrong! she shouldnt have told you now that she wants more. Do you have a contract with her for that first fee, if so shes obligated to do it for that and not any more than that.

as for the waterbirth, stand your ground, you are right, its your house, your birth, its not for her convenience unless there is an emergency.
 

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: Absolutely. That is supremely bad form to tell you so late in the game that she wants more. I'd refuse to pay. You agreed to an amount whenm you hired her. Not more than that and certainly not more than that to be dropped on you at the last possible moment. As for the birth itself, ask if she'll catch if you are standing on your head because you just might want to be and if she's uncomfortable with that she just might want to work through those issues before she comes to YOUR house to catch YOUR baby.

Namaste, Tara
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks girls. Like you said, we do not plan to pay her anymore than what our insurance already has. She agreed to that contract, so it's sticking. I"ve checked w/ the insurance to be sure that I was right on the benefit they pay, etc. and they told me that if she continues to push for it, to let them know as they will take action. I don't think she will push for it as when she broached the subject and saw the panic and surprise in my face and voice, she told me to "just don't give it a second thought if it will be a hardship to the family". On that note, I don't think it will be an issue. I just didn't want her to feel slighted or anything either. y/k?

And as for the birth, I'm glad to hear that this sounds a little off to others too. I just feel that if I wanted perameters like that put on my birth, I could go to the hospital! I'm not working to make this her ideal birth, but mine. Glad to hear that I don't sound like a total monster and "birth-zilla" for putting my foot down.
 

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Besides the cost thing...

it's YOUR birth and YOU are the AUTHOR.

dh, mw and assistant can go jump out the window.

tell me again why you should pay her $1,000 so she and her assistant can tell you how you should birth your own baby in the most comfortable way for THEM?

How is that better or different then the hospital and the obgyn? The setting isn't the important part here. Your power is, your joy is. Your uninhibited spontaneous natural normal birth is. You haven't even gotten to labor yet so thank GOD that you are getting this information now, when you have time to make a difference for yourself and your baby.

JUst because she is the only midwife around isn't a good enough reason.
 

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#1. You're not a patient. You're not sick. You're a client.

The $$ thing is freaky and NOT okay. The garden tub- I can't imagine trying to birth in one, but she shouldn't need to do a lot of "reaching in" anyway.

And your dh?
: Obviously he has not read the handbook on how to deal with a pregnant wife....




-Angela
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna
#1. You're not a patient. You're not sick. You're a client.

The $$ thing is freaky and NOT okay. The garden tub- I can't imagine trying to birth in one, but she shouldn't need to do a lot of "reaching in" anyway.

And your dh?
: Obviously he has not read the handbook on how to deal with a pregnant wife....




-Angela
Okay, tell me why you can't imagine birthing in a garden tub... I'm guessing you've thought of something that I haven't. I was just thinking that it would be a comfy place, considering that it is the same type of tub that I labored in at the hospital w/ my first. They wouldn't allow birthing in it, but the laboring in it was definately helpful. Is there something about it that would worry you or anything? Just trying to get all perspectives and thoughts here!


Oh, and if it's size you're thinking of, this is a HUGE tub that I can fully extend my legs in, can easily fit 2 people, etc.

And as for my dh who hasn't read the manual... Well that's why he was on the couch for the night!
 

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if you can move in it, and fit in it, then i say go for it lol, we have a tiny tub in our apartment, i got stuck in there trying to alleviate my leg and back pain near the end of my labor, so there would be no way i could try to labor in it
and i was supposed to be allowed to use the shower at the hospital during my labor, but i was induced and strapped to the bed


I'm planning on a homebirth with my next for the reasons you stated, i want it done my way, how im comfortable, where i want, how i want, kwim?
 

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Even the huge ones I've seen seem to small to me, but I used the BIG fishy pool. Also I was in it for a LONG time and the hard sides would have really gotten to me.

-Angela
 

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i fear i may need an olympic sized swimming pool to be comfortable during my labor, or just enough room to just float not touching anything
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna
Even the huge ones I've seen seem to small to me, but I used the BIG fishy pool. Also I was in it for a LONG time and the hard sides would have really gotten to me.

-Angela
Gotcha! I can see where if I'm in it for a long time and trying to move around a lot, etc., the hard bottom and sides would get uncomfy and the size would restrict some movement I guess. That's all part of why I have said all along that I'm not going to get married to the idea of a waterbirth. I would love to but will go where I need to be at that moment. Thanks for your thoughts! That's what this board is so great for!!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by romans_mum
i fear i may need an olympic sized swimming pool to be comfortable during my labor, or just enough room to just float not touching anything
See, that's why I loved the big fishy pool. I had my head propped on the (nice inflated) side and the rest of me floating. For HOURS.

-Angela
 

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Wow, not only is that just wrong, it strikes me as so weird for a midwife
: . I've had a couple of midwives along the way that I've felt were way too interventionist for my tastes, and they STILL didn't try that level of for-their-own-comfort junk.

One of our midwives (and one of the more medwife-y midwives we've had) told me a story about how the only place one of her clients felt comfortable delivering was in a tiny, less than 2 foot, space between her bed and the wall . . . then there was some dystocia. The midwife ended up kind of lying on/hanging off the side of the bed, semi-upside-down, into that tiiiiiny little space, to help her. . . *that's* what I'd expect.

*You* have hired *her* to accomplish *your* aims. She is not gifting you with this, you don't have to be accomodating to her wishes, she is your employee for the time, a consultant you have hired (in dh-ish sort of words). And the reason she's giving for some women's tubs being wrong isn't "I have a serious health/medical concern with this", it's "gosh I hate to bend to the left". Bizarre.

Kim, mama to 7, new baby boy due July 10th
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna
See, that's why I loved the big fishy pool. I had my head propped on the (nice inflated) side and the rest of me floating. For HOURS.

-Angela
that sounds perfect! thats how i always envisioned my birthing experience to be.........its heartbreaking to live the reality of the otherside, and all because of the govt.
 

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Your dh seriously said that he thought you should be a "good patient"?

Point out to him that you aren't asking for "special" treatment, you're looking for the basic standard of midwifery care and up until now you thought this MW could provide it and as a consumer you are quite annoyed that she's trying to tell you she *can't* provide basic midwifery care at this late date. And, furthermore, attempting to deviate from an agreed-upon fee at this point is unprofessional.
 

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my friend delivered with my mw- she also had a garden tub- and explained to my friend about trhe comfort of a fishy pool. which is really comfy- .....
so weird about the money tho.....?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by romans_mum
i fear i may need an olympic sized swimming pool to be comfortable during my labor, or just enough room to just float not touching anything
Mmmm I could definately get into labor and birth in an actual swimming pool.... oh man that would be nice (except the chlorine...)

To the OP, tell your midwife you fully plan on birthing where you're most comfortable and if she doesn't like it she can kiss your... well... you know
Your birth, your choice.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by romans_mum
i fear i may need an olympic sized swimming pool to be comfortable during my labor, or just enough room to just float not touching anything
One perk of being really short: I had an AquaDoula and I could lay all the way out in it and float
Though an olympic size would have been nice. A total PITA to fill though!


Namaste, Tara
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by tracylhl
Okay, tell me why you can't imagine birthing in a garden tub... I'm guessing you've thought of something that I haven't. I was just thinking that it would be a comfy place, considering that it is the same type of tub that I labored in at the hospital w/ my first. Just trying to get all perspectives and thoughts here!


Oh, and if it's size you're thinking of, this is a HUGE tub that I can fully extend my legs in, can easily fit 2 people, etc.
I wish I had a garden tub. I was actually planning on a kiddie pool but my labor went so fast I was in my regular 'ol tub. Also, my midwives were driving back from Autin (2hrs away) and my dh caught my dd 20 MIN after arriving home from work. I would have liked a deeper tub (actually my kiddie pool) but the regular one was ok. The only thing my mws said that I didn't like (they were on the phone with dh) was that I should "breathe" with the contractions. Well, I was doing that until they were so intense that I had to vocalize with them; I'm going to do whatever helps the hurt.

My mws have a standard fee, and they will work with the insurance company, but the client is responsible for what the ins won't pay -- no surprises.
 
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