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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Here's the situation:<br>
I tutor a little to bring in some extra $. I got a call Saturday from a man who wants me to tutor his 9yo son. Apparently he's reading at "1st grade level" and dad is concerned. I originally told him that I could, and then he asked me to call his ex-wife and tell her. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:<br>
He tells me that he has been telling her for months that she needs to "do something", but she is procrastinating and tells him that the boy is "doing fine".<br>
I don't know anything about this kid. It sounds like he <i>could</i> need help, but maybe he is just a little late getting started reading, or maybe there was some other issue that prevented it, and he's improving now? I don't know, but if the mom does not agree, I'm not going to jump into it.<br>
It almost seems like he's using this to manipulate her, and I am just not the person for that.<br>
I told him that I was not comfortable calling her, and asked if he would please have her call me if they decided that they were interested.<br>
So he calls me today. I didn't have my phone, but he left a message saying that he wanted to <i>come over</i> and give me some $$ so that he could get things started.<br>
I haven't called him back yet because I'm still not sure I want to get involved in their argument.<br>
And he has called me 3 times in the last 2 hours.<br>
The whole situation just kind of creeps me out, yk? Maybe he's just a concerned dad, in which case I would feel very bad, but I'm getting a really bad feeing about the whole thing.<br>
So, should I go? Or should I let this one go?
 

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Weird situation. Not sure how to advise you. I certainly would not be calling the mom! But then again, maybe tutoring the child is a good thing for you and for the child. But if the dad creeps you out, I don't think I'd do it...sorry for not being any help.
 

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"Sir, I will not get in the middle of a fight between you and your ex-wife. And I very uncomfortable that you are trying to make me do so. Do not call me again."<br><br>
With any luck he'll be insulted and decide that he doesn't want to hire you any way.
 

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If he creeps you out then you should listen to your instincts. You could also tell him that it is your policy that both parents must consent to tutoring - verified with a phone call FROM his wife to you (not vis versa) or a notarized letter.
 

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Listen to your instincts - stay away from this man who is attempting to control his wife via his son.
 

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Yeah, I wouldn't touch that with a ten-, no, twenty-, no, ANY-foot pole. If he's willing to ask a complete stranger to play go-between between him and his ex... no. Just no. I'm not sure how I'd refuse that job, since I'm awful with awkward conversations, but I wouldn't want to get into anything that had started out that way.<br><br>
And the repeated calls... just another layer of weird.
 

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If he has partial custody, he's free to hire you during his time with his son. If he has NO custodial rights, then he's not in a position to hire him a tutor. Yes, it might be best for the child, but unfortunately, he's not in a position to make that decision.<br><br>
It's not your job to get between these two people, though.
 

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i would refuse point-blank to deal with the mom unless she contacts you of her owb initiative.<br><br>
however, if he is willing to have you deal with him and the kid only, and you are seeing the kid while the kid is visiting him, i don't see the problem. whether the kid is sort of slow getting started or is truly delayed -- you would tutor him either way, right?
 

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Go with your gutt and don't do it! It sounds like a situation that you do not want to be involved in.
 

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The mere fact that he's called 3 times in two hours is a sure-fire sign that he's bad news. A person without proper social boundaries. Yeah, perhaps he's concerned about his son, but people don't wait for 9 years to tackle a problem and then start calling someone frantically. And (myself having a controlling ex) it's very obvious that he's being controlling with his ex.<br><br>
I'd tell him your schedule just changed and you won't be available at all!<br><br>
(I've dealt with a lot of nut-jobs like this. One that pops into mind...years ago I knew this woman whose downstairs neighbor was moving to Europe...so he was selling his furniture. While I was visiting the woman, she led me downstairs to his place and we saw his stuff. He was kind of pressuring us to buy his stuff, and I showed some interest in a shelf for $10, but said I wasn't sure, plus had no car at the time, so no way to get it home. So I said I'd call if I wanted to buy it. Well, this guy began calling me every day, then several times a day, then a couple times per hour, asking repeatedly if I wanted the shelf! I finally just turned my cell phone off (and curse the woman for giving him my cell number) and didn't want to deal with him...and thankfully he DID move to Europe never to be seen again. But honestly, he was about to move to another continent...did he have NOTHING better to do than harrass me about a shelf? He was unbalanced, and so is this guy who's bothering you. I can spot 'em a mile away...and even over the internet! lol.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>PiePie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10294305"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">whether the kid is sort of slow getting started or is truly delayed -- you would tutor him either way, right?</div>
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Definitely! If both parents believed that the child would benefit from extra help/attention, I would love to help him.<br>
I just get the feeling that this is being used as a power play between them, and I really don't want to get involved. And, with the persistant calls and the generally pushy tone the dad has been using with me, I think I'm going to drop this one.<br><br>
I just feel a little sad because if the child really does need help, I hate to let him down just because of the dad, kwim? But if he's this pushy and I haven't even started yet, how would it be after I'd committed myself?
 

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Trust your instincts, stay far away.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">If he creeps you out then you should listen to your instincts.</td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod">
 

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Yeah, I'd let this one go too. I worked at a tutoring center and and we had to take anybody who paid us and while most of the parents were wonderful, there were some that I wish we could have told no and never seen them again.<br><br>
I guess if you really want to do it, tell him that you have to have a meeting with him, the mom and the son. You'll meet with the son for about 15min to see what his needs are and if you can meet them and they meet with the parents together to discuss their expectations and your first impressions. See how the dad reacts when you take charge and give him directions. IMO, this will give you more info about the dad and you can decide after that. Oh and if you meet, go somewhere public.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>2 in August</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10296097"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I guess if you really want to do it, tell him that you have to have a meeting with him, the mom and the son. You'll meet with the son for about 15min to see what his needs are and if you can meet them and they meet with the parents together to discuss their expectations and your first impressions. See how the dad reacts when you take charge and give him directions. IMO, this will give you more info about the dad and you can decide after that. Oh and if you meet, go somewhere public.</div>
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Good idea. And <i>definitely</i> public.<br>
If at all.
 
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