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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am feeling quite guilty -
My friend invited me to a party at her cottage about a month ago, and very kindly included my sister and her two daughters, who are visiting from across the country. We made up 7 of 40 guests.
The party is today. Yesterday, her ds (5 yrs old, same age as my ds) had a fever of 102/103, and slept a lot. I found that out in the afternoon. I discussed it with dh, and he did not want to go, because we are leaving on vacation next Saturday, and he does not want to get the kids sick. I agree. BUT...
1. the kids were exposed on Thursday at the boys birthday party in their apartment, the day before he got the fever
2. we will be outside
3. my friend says her ds is fine now.
and slightly unrelated
4. my friend sounded very let down by me when I told her that we were not going to go to the party.
:

wwyd? did I let my friend down because of a remote chance of my kids getting sick, or did I do the right thing, and she is just reacting emotionally?

thanks!
M
 

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I'd say you are being overcautious since the child's fever is gone and it is an outdoor party.
I can see why your friend would feel let down that you are backing out the day of the party.
 

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Overcautious is no strike against you, especially if you are traveling soon. More important than the reasons why it would be fine and I would not have made the same choice as you is... you made your choice! Your husband was not comfortable with something, and at least part of you agreed because you have hesitation, and you made the choice that you are most comfortable with. In judgement calls like this there is no real right or wrong, only what works out best for your fam. I would tell your friend that you would like to do something special together when you get back from travling, and explain that it is not the fever and such so much as it is your husband and your apprehension incase your children pick something up, due to travling soon.
 

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I've been thru this on several occasions and on both ends of the issue. Just a few months ago we went on a weekend trip to visit my neice and her kids. We were told 2 days prior that her eldest had been throwing up, fever and sleeping alot BUT his fever was gone and he was feeling better. So we went ahead and checked into the resort and we all agreed to let the kids come over and play. When they got there I could clearly see that my great nephew was not feeling all that well and his db looked pale too.... I was erked but it was a decision I had to live with. 24 hours later, guess who got sick? Of course I had uped ds's VitC and fluids just in case, but my nephew(s) was still contageous. IMO, you need to do what you feel is best for your children. Do what you feel is right. Sure your friend is bummed, I'm sure she was looking forward to your company. But she should respect your choice as mother to mother and you shouldn't feel bad. What if one or all of you got sick as you approach your vacation...that would stink! HTH.
 

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I have dealt with a lot of guilt issues, and I try to live by the "say NO to guilt" philosophy. Don't impose it on yourself!

Try to figure out if your friend is just disappointed (which is normal and ok) or if she is trying to make you feel guilty (not ok).

I usually (almost always) cancel if someone is sick.
Some people don't mind bringing their kids to a house with a sick, or recovering child. That is THEIR decision.

You are right, your kids probably wouldn't get sick, but why subject yourself to the possibility.

You made a decision (a reasonable one in my estimation), don't feel guilty about it!

Just my 2 cents.
 

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In the schools a child is still quite possibly contagious within the 24 hours after a fever (you have to keep them home 24 hours after) so I don't think you are being "overly" cautious. But since the party is outside and your child has been exposed to the sick child a few days ago then I would probably go anyway.

If that kids temperature went down that fast and he is feeling good enough to party then I'm sure your kids would be fine by your trip anyway if they were to get sick.
It sounds like it may have been a 24 hr thing.
 

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If it were a cold/runny nose thing, I'd go without a second thought.

But NO WAY with a 103 fever the day before! ESPECIALLY with a vacation coming up! Your dh is right.

What did you end up doing???
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Update

We ended up not going, and my friend was upset about it.

She is usually very careful about her kids' health - she keeps them home if they have sniffles, and is annoyed if a child comes over to her place with a cold (when it happens she calls me & complains about it). So I'm surprised she was upset on that count.

Also, we see each other a lot, and we cancel our playdates whenever we have to, and one of the things I love about her is that it is always really casual and no big deal.

So I am just going to assume that she is stressed about the party, and it is coming out at me.

Also: I agree the chance that my kids would get sick is not high, but this is our ONE vacation all year that we save up for, and it is important to us. I don't want my kids sick during our family vacation.
 
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