Mothering Forum banner

1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I had something happen the other day that just really got me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"> . My dd sees her father and his family once every other week or so. They just don't have that much to do with her and don't call me hardly at all to see her anymore. (He is also months behind on CS.) Anyway, on Sunday I brought her over to their house and left her for 2 hours. (Her father lives with his father and brother.) As you can see by my signature, we are vegetarians. However, dd is only 17 months, so she cannot speak to turn down meat. I packed her some snacks and soymilk that they could give her if she wanted it. (Snacks like kiwi and mini corn on the cob) Well, when I arrived to get her they were discussing how they are purchasing an expensive new collar for their dog that will give him an electric shock every itme he barks. Which annoyed me. Then I notice that dd is eating a cracker of some sort and am informed by her father that they gave her a Chicken in a Biscuit cracker to eat. I said "Are you serious?", thinking that they might be kidding me. They said sorry and told me that they didn't think that it had actual chicken in it. I left quickly, fuming. And now it is Tuesday and I haven't heard anything from them. I know this isn't a huge deal to some , but I am wondering if they purposely tried to get me riled up. And even if they actually thought they were meat-free, they have horrible judgement to feed a little girl such an unhealthy thing, when she had a whole lunchbag of healthy snacks with her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,101 Posts
I'm a vegetarian as well, and my son is five and hasn't eaten meat either, so that would definitely annoy me too! That being said, just for your own peace of mind, I too have my doubts about there being any actual chicken in those crackers. Is his family normally the antagonistic type - and do they normally respect your vegetarian stance? And is it unusual for them to not call right after a visit ...you did say they don't reach out that much. So maybe it WAS an error of judgement, I don't know. At any rate, if they don't come around that much, you don't have to deal with them about this too often. I too hate when people can't respect a simple request.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
627 Posts
I understand why you're fuming but you aren't her only parent. They can feed her whatever they want. They can get her McD's on the hour if they feel like it.<br><br>
I"m not saying what they did was appropriate by any means. They were well aware of your wishes and you provided several alternatives, but there is no garunteeing that she won't meat over there. Just like you can't force him to feed her all vegetarian meals, he can't force you to make her eat meat at your house. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,000 Posts
I have children with allergies and I bet they weren't paying attention. I goof on rare occasion. If you want them to respect your wishes I would be very nice about it because it could have been a bic mac<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Even when I had documented allergy the courts didn't force my ex to avoid those foods.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
119 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jaw2"> I think you are right to be upset. The fact that the other parent does not go along with any set schedule for your child shows lack of respect to the child. It is inconsistant and confuses a child...period. I have a friend who separated from her sons father and she choose not to have her son vacinated...Well now he is 4 years old and on this last visit the father took him to get vaccinated......I was outraged at it....The poor kid was showing me his shots with this look of confusion on his face....Lame!<br><br>
I don't care what anyone else says.....They are the other parent....but if they were giving her sundaes and candy bars would it still be okay and would you still say "like it or not!" I am in the middle of a custody thing and I have been trying to tell the court that it is unhealthy for fathers to have visitation and completely ignore the childs diet. Diabetes has risen 600% in the last four decades and this generation of children won't live as long as we will for a reason. To turn a head to things like this is a form of abuse....WHEW! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy"> Sorry I feel strongly about this....DOCUMENT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS...dates times and everything......<br><br><br>
Oh...and here you go <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
627 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fairywing8</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7290350"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am in the middle of a custody thing and I have been trying to tell the court that it is unhealthy for fathers to have visitation and completely ignore the childs diet. Diabetes has risen 600% in the last four decades and this generation of children won't live as long as we will for a reason.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Let me know how it goes in court! Our judges here would just laugh and roll their eyes if I approached them with a "dietary clause". I'm in nursing school- it's not like i'm not aware of diabetes and health related food issues. Almost every one of my patients has/had/died from something to do with diabetes. It's not like i can't sympathize. Sadly, I've kind of found out the hard way that unless the NCP is physically or sexually abusing the child, judges really don't care at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,283 Posts
This was one of the things I had to let go of when dd would visit her Dad. Visits to Burger King,<br>
and breakfasts that contain more sugar than a wedding cake. I just had to let it go.... repeating<br>
to myself "it will all be fine, the most important part is the time that is spent together".<br><br>
It's so hard to give that control away. It's so hard because we only have the best intentions for<br>
our dc. We want to make sure that they are filled with healthy treats, that they aren't just sitting<br>
in front of the tv (dd's dad's favorite activity was cartoon movie marathons, and not much else)<br>
and that every word used around them is positive and full of love.<br><br>
But dd had a blast. She loved the chicken nuggets full of who knows what and the long nights<br>
in front of the tv. She loved it, and she loved being with her dad. So that was what was most<br>
important. She always came home all in one piece and she was happy.<br><br>
Now if it came down to allergies, then I would be pissed cause that would be putting dd's health<br>
in jeopardy. Dd has a bad reaction to chocolate. She will rage and cry and be very upset. I told<br>
her Dad, and he agreed to keep the chocolate away. So I kept all my other feelings about nuggets<br>
and low energy activities to myself. Not only kept it to myself, but I had to stop thinking about it<br>
as well. We can't control the situation, our dc are with their father's and the dad's deserve to have<br>
a visit without being scared of what Mommy will say. It is SO HARD to do, but in the long run we'll<br>
only drive ourselves crazy thinking about it, trying to change it, giving any focus at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
119 Posts
Maybe I am a little sensetive right now!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"><br><br>
I am dealing with my ex's harrassing lawyer until I can get a pro bono which is in the works, but because thier are time limits now and they are yanking my kids out of there current counsiling to put them somewhere else I am just sensetive! After I complained in my declarations that the father cooks them top ramen all weekend per the children....and he responded with "I cook them a four course meal"....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hammer.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hammer"> This last weekend they had pork chops <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/crap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crap"> noodles <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"> and tomato soup...okay it is funny to imagine him cooking this because he is making an effort which is long overdue..But then he had them for the weekend and fed them quesedia sp* for breakfast.....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
Why am I urked? Because my kids are extremely sensetive to food as well and my youngest is constipated most of the week if he doesn't eat foods rich in poo power (ie veggies) I just think it is mean...like giving a baby chocolate milk in a bottle...ya know?<br><br>
The child suffers.....
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top