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I've been on the fence about an ultrasound. It's been a very difficult pregnancy and seeing my baby would likely convince me it's all for a good reason! After having severe cramping on my right side and unable to attribute it to anything, my dr. ordered an ultrasound for today in 2 hours. Overnight I was able to attribute the severe cramping to digestive issues, so the reason for the ultrasound is now void. Now I'm on the fence about having it- I could, and I'm sure I'd be reassured about the toughness of the pregnancy. OTOH, my dh says if we get an ultrasound, he wants to know the gender, something I am adamantly, completely against (for me)!! I told him I don't mind him finding out, so long as he does NOT tell me or anyone else (bc everyone has to tell someone, and so forth, and it would get back to me), but he said he can't promise it won't slip out- and I know he's being honest, but I can't stand the thought of that happening. What would you do?
 

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That is a tough one.<br><br>
I think that with the difficult pregnancy, I would rather have a quick check of the baby. You can ask them to keep the u/s under 10 seconds or so, if you have any concerns about safety.<br><br>
I think that a peek in a difficult pregnancy, for me, would outweigh the risk of DH letting the gender slip. Baby's condition is more important than my preference to not know.<br><br>
At this point, they may not even be able to tell the gender anyway.
 

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I think I'd do it, for my own peace of mind. But you might remind DH that:<br>
1)Ultrasound isn't 100% unless you see specific parts, if your know what I mean<br>
2) Baby might be shy, and you won't tell<br><br>
Good luck!<br><br>
C.M.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/afro.jpg" style="border:0px solid;" title="afro">
 

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I would do the ultrasound and tell the technician NOT to tell the sex no matter what.
 

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What do you want? Do you want the ultrasound? then go for it. I'd skip it but that's because I don't want one. (yet I'll have one - go figure)
 

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It is probably too early to definitively tell the gender yet- or at least that would be the story I tell DH.....
 

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Your peace of mind is worth a quick ultrasound, I think. I've had a scare or two this pregnancy and while my MW doesn't recommend u/s until after 20wks, she's always had the caveat that if I was constantly worried about something, it was better to check. It's better for the baby to have calmer hormones rather than stress, and if seeing your little one would give you some relief from stress, then do it!
 

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I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing about my giant jurassic-sized cyst, but it did cause me to have 3 ultrasounds, none of which I regretted. Find out whatever it is that's causing your pain. They used U/S to monitor my cysts, and then again to locate the big one when it needed to be taken out. Baby was fine the whole time, but it provided a lot of peace of mind to dh and me.<br><br>
Have you met your US tech yet? Our's was great. She was willing to entertain a lot of questions beforehand. She was also pretty strict about how long she would do an US. It's no different than finding a doctor, really. Do it with someone you trust, who's willing to take time to build report.
 

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Oh, that would be a tough one. I know it would be really hard for him NOT to let it slip if he knew & you didn't. How far along are you? My first u/s showed the baby was a girl, then a week later, it's a boy! Best of luck to you!
 

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A lady on another board did not find out and her dh did!<br>
He kept it a surprise and they were both happy.<br>
Sit down with him and make him understand you don't want to know and I bet he can keep it a secret.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Thanks for your responses. I did go ahead and do the U/S, and had some intense cramping while I was there, so for that I was grateful- to know that while it was causing me a lot of pain, the baby was fine! S/he's perfect- great heart beat, four chambers, ten fingers and toes, very active and s/he even waved to us! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> I did get there before dh and told the sonographer that I absolutely did not want to know the gender. She said she just won't look! And she didn't, and my dh never specifically asked, so the issue was essentially a non-issue. Yeah! I do feel much better after having done it. Thanks again.
 

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I was on the fence about this pregnancy and it hadn't really settled in. At my last ob visit he couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler so he did a really quick US to find the heartbeat. It was AWESOME!!!! It completely changed my whole attitude about this pregnancy! It was made so real!<br><br>
BTW, a 20 week US never showed the gender of ds so you really have a 50/50 chance if you want to find out. He always had the chord between his legs. He was born that way.
 

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I would do the U/S. It's a nice reassurance for me to see that everything is as normal and complete as they can see.<br><br>
About the DH finding out, we tried to do this and I accidently let it slip after only 2 days. I was talking to my midwife, though, and over corrected when it slipped by just as DP was passing by me. I think it's really hard for one parent to know and one parent not to.
 
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