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When I was interviewing midwives for my HB, I found one that I really liked, and almost decided to choose before I talked to several people who have worked with her. Everyone had only positive things to say about HER, but said that her assistant made the experience really bad for them. No less than three families were unhappy with their births all because of the assistant. And I also talked to a handful of women who had similar complaints regarding the assistant's attitude during prenatals. She was described as cold, snarky, rude, condescending, even "probably bipolar."<br><br>
Needless to say, I decided not to go with this particular MW. I had found another pair of MWs around the same time that I was more familiar with, and when she emailed me just to check in on my interviewing process, I told her truthfully that I had been talking with another set of MWs, but left out the part about me not wanting to choose her because of what I'd heard about her assistant. It's been a few weeks now, and I don't want to leave this nice woman hanging...I want to let her know that I've made my decision and gone with a different MW, but I feel like I should let her know what I heard about her assistant, because honestly that's what got me to choose someone else. If I was working with someone who was scaring potential clients away from me, I would want to know, wouldn't you? Should I clue her in on what I'd been told? She really is a wonderful woman and I think she deserves to know, but I'm not sure if that's any of my business or not.
 

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I agree that you should get back to her asap, and I see nothing wrong with kindly but truthfully letting her know the reason for your hesitation.<br><br>
BUT, are you sure that her assistant must be part of your birth? My midwife works with several assistants, but I said I didn't want anyone there but her, and she was fine with that. So, sometimes they are flexible, and I think if you really like this midwife, you owe it to yourself to see if something could be worked out, y'know?<br><br>
Let us know how it goes.
 

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Yes, please politely tell her that you have heard complaints about her assistant. She needs to know! and she may respond that her assistant does not need to be involved in your care.
 

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yes, yes...tell her! she may already have reservations or a bad feeling about her assistant, but hearing it from potential & past clients may be the final push to urge her to find a new assistant. i think it's important that you tell her.<br><br>
you could also ask if the assistant MUST be involved.
 

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Yeah, what all the pp's said. I would tell her. She deserves to know, even if you have choosen another MW.
 
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