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Yep, after almost 16 months, X has decided to fly to the US (with his sister, which is a good thing as we are friends) and stay for 5-6 days.<br><br>
For those of you who probably don't know me, my X is Dutch and lives in Amsterdam. When we divorced, I decided to return to the US to go to grad school. Ds and I returned to the US in December 2004.<br><br>
Anyway, I am feeling a bit ambivalent about his visit. In one sense, I am a bit peeved that he is only staying for 5-6 days. He gets 28 days of paid vacation days a year, he can fly for EUR 100 (his gf works for KLM) and he is choosing to only visit for 5-6 days!!! But, on the otherhand...HOORAY, it is only for 5-6 days.<br><br>
They are staying with us, which isn't too big of deal. My parents will be in Vegas for a wedding, so there is more than enough room. Plus, X and I are pretty amicable with each other. We are not friends, but we are friendly.<br><br>
What I am wondering is how ds will "handle" the visit? When ds sees a picture of X and I ask him, "Who is that?", he says, "Daddy". Although, othertimes he will also say "grandpa".<br><br>
Do I have to refer to X as "daddy" with ds around? How do you all think ds might potentially react?
 

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Heather JMO, I do think DS needs to know that is 'daddy' even though he is usually absent...it is simply the reality of things. On the other hand, I have often wondered how blurring the boundary lines will affect the childs confusion about mommy and daddy esp if they are around DC with intact families. My DC are older so it is totally different , i won't go into details bc i don't want to hijack your thread.<br><br>
I am going through a similar dilemna though my X doesn't live abroad. The feelings are what are similar (as you explained them)<br><br>
I don't know if that made sense, or was even a help, but I wish you well~~~
 

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Wow, Heather, that must really bring up a lot of strange feelings!!<br><br>
I was surprised at how my youngest has responded to visits from her dad who was virtually absent during the first year of her life. Although her dad always saw her w/o me around, and she had her sister along who knew of him as "dad" and felt strongly about him, still, she really picked up a strong idea of "dada" and a possessive feeling about him quickly. So I guess I'd say be prepared, especially since your son is older now, and has seen you with your own dad, that he will quickly place his dad in a category and attach to the idea of him as well as the reality. Of course, he may not as well, or may react with other emotions. And my experience has been that AFTER the visits is when we have the most to deal with in terms of emotional turmoil...that's when both kids show a lot of frustration, sadness, and upset.<br><br>
As far as referring to your ex...I think it might depend, but you'd have a hard time NOT doing it. Did your ex remarry? (I thought I remember him having a new relationship when you left.) You'll have him and his sister probably referring to him as dad, so it might be awkward if you weren't doing so as well. Although I very much understand how that could be weird.<br><br>
Good luck working up to and through it all! Hope others have some more btdt experience to share!
 

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It's good that he's coming, but I can definitely understand your disappointment that it is for such a short time.<br><br>
It will be hard to predict how Oliver will act when he sees his dad. He was so little and the changes are going to be unbelieveable for his dad. It is common for kids to handle the actual visits quite well, but as Jster said, the after-effects are usually when they let out their emotions.<br><br>
I'm glad he's coming and surprised a bit that he's waited so long. But, I tend to find the silver lining....and I think that it's positive that he's coming at all.<br><br>
I hope it goes well.
 
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