[Murph12334]

We are not officially divorced. I left him over a year ago and we've lived seperately. I left him and lived in a domestic violence shelter for 2 months. I decided to be nice and stayed int he next town over from him so he could see his kids more regularly. After being there a year and him barely trying to see them, I had enough. I had no family or friends there to help, and he wouldn't help with the kids. So when my lease was up I moved 45 min away, closer to family and friends so they can help.

I didn't realize until after I moved that I have to live here for 6 months before being allowed to even file for a divorce. So no divorce for a while still. Not sure how that works with child custody. We have no papers for that either.

We just figured out the rest of the summer schedule for the kids for weekends, and kids going to grandparents for a week (his parents place). At the same time I just registered her for school. I recieved a packet of info on kindergarten for her. Her orientation is scheduled for the Thursday on the week she is supposed to be at her grandparents place. I told him and he informed me that I have to drive the 2 1/2 hours to pick my daughter up, get her to orientation, then drive her back to her grandparents place. He said he's not worrying about it so either I drive and do that, because he's not.

And he informs me that I should be thankful. We currently meet 1/2 way to exchange the kids. He tells me that after child custody goes through it's the parents who moved away's responsibility for all driving of the kids to the other parent. Seriously?! Is that what always happens? I move out due to domestic violence and then closer to my family since he wouldn't help with them. And in return I have to be his delivery person? All this while he doesn't pay child support? WTH?

I just keep feel like I'm getting screwed. I can't find a job so I don't even have the money to do child custody through the courts. I am not sure what to do.

 

[StephandOwen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Murph12334
He tells me that after child custody goes through it's the parents who moved away's responsibility for all driving of the kids to the other parent. Seriously?! Is that what always happens? I move out due to domestic violence and then closer to my family since he wouldn't help with them. And in return I have to be his delivery person? All this while he doesn't pay child support? WTH?

Not in every case, but in a lot of cases- yes, it's the parent who moves away who is responsible for getting the kids to the visits. I moved 2 states away when ds was 3 1/2. I was responsible for the next almost 4 years to drive ds back to the home state 6-8 times a year for ex to see him. However, ex wasn't seeing him (I would drive all the way up there, sometimes pay for a hotel too, only for ex to not even see ds at all). When we went to court in April the Judge took that into consideration (that I was bringing ds back but ex wasn't seeing him) and ordered that ex do half the driving. So now ex has to drive here every other month for a weekend and I have to drive up to ex's state every other month for a weekend.

So while the standard is for the parent who moves away to provide transportation, that doesn't mean it HAS to be that way.

 

[Murph12334]

sorry, but that's crap! It's should be equal. I moved out for domestic violence purposes. With all this it seems like all the court systems and everything else would rather I be with him in a horrible situation rather than trying to give myself and the kids a better life. I just don't get it

 

[zoeyzoo]

As the pp said that is usually the case but in many states if you can prove DV (in my state it actually takes a conviction though to use that) there are exceptions made. Having a RO would probably change things as well.

 

[Murph12334]

What is an RO?

 

[StephandOwen]

Restraining order.

And I agree, it's crap. The system has a way of abusing the abused because they leave their abuser.

 

[zoeyzoo]

Totally understand how you feel OP. I left XH for being abusive to me but I couldn't qualify for anything related to the DV laws because it was mostly emotional abuse and it didn't get physical enough for a conviction.

 

[zebra15]

Id do a couple things, first see if there is another orientation you guys can go to or if orientation really needs to be attended by the kiddies.

As for the visits, I lived in Ohio (years ago) and worked for child support, so I've read many a divorce decree and they all are different. basically its what you agree upon. if you cant agree then the judge will order something but they usually try for parents to agree first.

 

[SoulCakes]

Could you reschedule so that her week with her grandparents either ends before or starts after orientation? Otherwise, I don't think the orientation itself is usually all that important. My daughter missed hers because we were on vacation, and it didn't hinder her in any way.

As for moving, I do feel like in normal circumstances the parent who moves away should pay for transportation. We moved to a different continent... it wouldn't really be fair to tell my ex that he had to pay half the transportation (several thousand dollars a year) because I wanted to live in England.