xposted- Help Me Help This Mother and Child

No, I'm not trying to help her make him be happy to leave the visit. The reality of the situation is that she is only allowed to see him for 3 hours per week. I am trying to help her help him leave the visit so that this does not come back to haunt her, if the judge or GAL view this negatively (i.e. the child is not adjusting to the visit schedule, so he should see her LESS often, or that she is unable to comfort him and/or get him to comply, therefore putting her parenting abilities in question).

I know that no child would be happy to leave their mother after a three hour visit, but I am positive that there are some strategies to help him with leaving. I cannot intervene during the visit, as the judge has not ordered therapeutic supervision, but I can have a brief conversation with her prior to the visit and give her some tips on comforting him so that he feels a little bit at ease leaving so that he can get MORE time with her.

I agree that the child needs his mother in his life more often, but unfortunately it is not my decision and it's not likely going to happen any time soon, since the judge has only ordered one 3-hour visit per week.

Unfortunately, you are right to worry that a GAL or judge might be sufficiently disconnected with reality, as to think that a 7-year-old child dawdling about putting on the shoes that he has to walk away from his mommy in, shows a problem with her parenting or their bond, when of course it shows exactly the opposite. His behavior is entirely age-appropriate. (Think how long a week seems to someone who's only been alive 7 years. The time he knows he must wait to see his mommy again must feel like a month or two feels, to us!) You do not say that he's throwing down on the floor screaming and pretending he's sick, to keep her from leaving. So if the worst he's doing is the bit with the shoes, it sounds to me like the mom has things pretty well in-hand, considering the circumstances. The most helpful thing you could do, as a professional, is to clearly and officially (i.e., in writing) communicate those observations to the court. If you're the one directly observing the visits, you have an opinion that the court will be open to hearing, even if it was not specifically solicited.

If you do feel compelled to "help" mom figure out how to be more effective about the shoes, please make sure you explain to her that you're concerned someone else may misinterpret the shoe issue as ineffective parenting. Because if I were already in the situation of seeing my baby only 3 hours a week and suffering the humiliation of having somebody watch me with him, if I thought you were saying that YOU think his reluctance to leave me is a sign that I'm a bad parent and need your advice, I'd want to wring your neck!

Maybe she shouldn't mention shoes 'til the last minute and then say, "Hurry and get them on, so we can cuddle before it's time to go." ??

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: that's sort of what I was saying, although I did get that it wasn't really your opinion, but more a concern that the courts could have that opinion. I suppose I am just too far removed from the insanity of most family courts who would actually think it was a good thing for a parent and child to only have 3 hours together a week or that kid wouldn't try to extend that time.

Maybe you could recommend that he doesn't remove his shoes at all?? Maybe they can make a plan at the end for what they'll do at the next visit??

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Or, perhaps, a child who hasn't had a relationship at all with his mother for several years and is confused about a weekly visit with a near-stranger.

We really don't know the facts here, and the OP is probably not supposed to share the circumstances of the visitation order (if she even knows them herself).

The shoes are symptomatic of something else, but to avoid the issue, might it be possible to just keep the shoes on?

Otherwise, I agree with a PP who said just minimize the transition time. If there's going to be a big fuss, it might as well be a two-minute fuss instead of a 30-minute fuss.