[FroNuff]

Ok, we're playing it by ear with going to the park, but something else came up today.

I told MIL that I don't really want to do the whole "opening up the presents while everyone ooohs and ahhs". She gave me a song & a dance about how that will be difficult, as most people will want presents opened. But I just have this thing where I feel it's just too much to expect a 1 year old to be all that interested in sitting there opening gifts. At this point in her life, the paper is way cooler than the gift! Plus, at 7 months pregnant, I just don't feel like initiating the ooohs and ahhhs, all while keeping DD interested and calm. Plus, it puts too much emphasis on who gave what, rather than celebrating that we've ALL made it through her first year!

I've got less than 24 hrs to get a backbone -- am I wrong to not want to open gifts in front of the guests?

Thanks (again!) in advance!

 

[Mona]

I think all of your reasons for not opening gifts at the party are totally acceptable, and moreover should be respected!
Maybe you should un-invite your MIL? :LOL
Seriously though, just do what you fee most comfortable with. Make your decision, and then leave it at that. It is not your MIL's party, or daughter for that matter.
And at 7 mo preggers, you don't need her to stress you out!

s

 

[FroNuff]

Quote:

Originally posted by Mona Maybe you should un-invite your MIL? :LOL

:LOL Honestly, I feel kinda bad because I'm making her seem horrible, when in fact, she's come a LONG way and she's a very good person. But she is the type of person who feels that her experience is the only "right" way to do things. And unfortunately, to keep peace, I have agreed to many things that maybe I didn't feel were totally in line with my opinions.

Plus, I should admit, MIL is paying for this party (for the most part). I originally wanted a HUGE party, then wanted a smaller party going pumpkin picking, then decided it would just be DH, DD and me, doing something simple at home because we were flat broke. MIL stepped in and felt badly for us and offered to pay for a party at my house, which I just gave into because I thought 1st birthdays are special and deserve a "special" party. Now, I'm like, DD has NO clue what's going on and it would have been a heck of a lot less stressful to just be together, rather than organizing 50 folks in my tiny house.

I don't want to sound like I don't love my child enough to give her a party because I love her beyond words. But right now, this money could have been spent a lot wiser, since DD hasn't a clue about her b-day.

I hope I'm making sense!

 

[KarmaChameleon]

Hi! You asked for opinions, so I want to give you mine even though it may not be the one you were looking for.

Sitting down?

Oaky, I think you should give in on the present thing. It seems from your other thread and some of the things you said that this party has become a little tense because your MIL is kind of tyring to control it (do we have the same MIL?) and you want to be in charge, obviously.

So there are probably lots of aggravating things to be upset about, but perhaps the present-opening thing is one that you feel safe trying to kibosh whereas you are more upset about some of the other party issues.

Personally speaking (don't hate me -- you asked!!!!!), I really love watching a 1 year old tear through presents at a party, seeing what they react to -- if anything. The other kids will love to play with the gifts and show them off to here, and then there are lots of things for all the kids to play with -- plus, at 1 year they don't try to MINE MINE everything. As a gift giver, it is fun to see the child recieve what you brought instead of wondering if they like it or even got it.

In short, it's all part of the birthday party atmosphere and I hope you can find a way to throw your hands up in the air and have a good time. And just so you know, this is all coming from a very sympathetic soul -- my MIL is an extremely controlling and difficult woman who I happen to love very much but I also harbor lots of resentments from issues long ago (i.e. wedding planning) that i inadvertently take out passive-aggressively at the strangest times (i.e. issues with my kids).

Am I making any sense? I am a sleep deprived mam who just wanted to reach out and give you a

and wish a ahppy party to you

 

[jackson's mama]

I'm going to give you both of my feelings on this, and you can decide which to listen to

.

First, as a 7-month pregnant woman, if you don't want to do presents then don't. You don't need to tell your MIL any other excuse than that, you just don't have the energy (she probably won't appreciate your other reasons anyway).

Second, as a party-goer, I would find it a bit odd to not have the presents opened. Maybe I'm just used to always having that be a part of the party. You wouldn't really have to keep her attention on the gifts. If she prefers to play with the wrapping paper as you open the gifts for her, everyone will understand

. She doesn't even have to stay calm - if she has a bitty breakdown because of all the excitement, have your DH continue to open the presents while you retire to the bedroom and nap with her

.

 

[MelMel]

I just went through all this less than a week ago....and we survived, sorta.....:LOL

I wasnt going to open presents either, and it didnt really seem to matter, because after we did the cake, most people sorta started heading out anyway (it was already a few hours into it by then) but then the people left started asking about the gifts, and seemed expectant, and veronica was doing well still, so we tried it.

luckily the gifts were VERY manageable because I put on her invites for people to 'gift' veronica with their presence, but if they still wanted to bring something for her, to choose their favorite childrens book. and they did. there were only like 3 or 4 non book things..it was great.....went very well.

she started getting over excited and upset toward the end..so I dont think most babies would last through a 'normal' huge stack of colorful, large toys! if her couple toys and mostly books were a bit much for her.

good luck and most of all HAVE FUN. I was so busy the whole time, I didnt get to relax and enjoy myself

 

[lula]

could your MIL do the open presents part with your daughter and take the pressure off of you? you could have a camera and "supervise"? you are also then able to channel the mood and even get other things going if the present opening does not work out. just a thought.

 

[kama'aina mama]

Here's a thought... particularly if you expect arrivals to be slightly staggered maybe you could open gifts as people arrive with them. Then it will happen early in the party while you and DD are still fresh and it won't all happen at once so you won't have to keep snatching things from her right away so she can open the next thing. After she has examined something, put it on the gift table with the card and people can assess the loot at their leisure.

 

[Britishmum]

We just let the other childrne help with the gift opening. It was a riot, but everyone seemed to enjoy it. We went outside and did it under a tree, and we did get muddled with who gave what, but nobody seemed to mind.

To be honest, I'd not think it worth stressing your relationship over with MIL. But I'd tell her that you are very tired, and maybe she could sit with dd and do it.

Personally, I think there are more important things to stick to your guns over than this, and I'd just let it go. Let dd play iwth the paper and be adorable, while MIL and the other kids help open the gifts. And you put your feet up and watch!

Who knows, it might be so stressful to MIL that next year she'll ask you do to it your way.

 

[AmyG]

Have you thought about maybe opening the presents yourself while everyone is there? You'll be the one thanking the gift givers anyway. You could set them out and allow your DD to come play with them as she desires.