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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey everybody - I just have to vent a bit.

I posted a few weeks back about how relieved I was to find a fantastic midwife in China. I had been hoping for a homebirth with #2, but it isn't possible here, and there are lots of scary statistics around birthing in Shanghai. But I found a good midwife who will support my birthplan and help me navigate the hospital here, who practices in a really fantastic hospital with excellent birthing facilities, who is mindful of helping me save money - all sorts of good things. I had another appointment with her today, and everything looks great. She is fully supportive of my getting the U/S, GTT, etc. in the US in order to save money and trusts me to bring back all the paperwork, and she will support our decisions to delay vax. Just a really good check-up, and I celebrated with a decaf gingerbread latte (yes, a Starbucks on every corner even in China).

Then DH had a call with his supervisor and got news that totally puts a monkey wrench in all our plans: they are going to require us to return to the US to deliver. It's complicated and related to insurance coverage and liability on their part. They are protecting themselves, and as they decide where his job is, ultimately they have final say. We had gone around the bend with them already about paying for the delivery, and they had agreed to pay so we thought the deal was done. But upon further reflection, it's not.

So, now we don't know what our travel plans will look like. We had planned to go home for the holidays, then come back, have the baby and I would go to the US with the kids for 4-6 weeks over the summer. Now we'll have an 8-week US stay in the middle - or maybe we won't be able to return from Dec - April - or maybe something else. It's incredibly stressful and frustrating. We live 2 hours from DH's US office, so staying there long-term means difficult commuting and week-long separation from him. I sold my car, so I will only be able to drive our old clunker. And we've moved our lives here - made friends, established a community, etc. Plus, DD is in school, so we'll have to pull her for 2 months and there may be costs associated with that (I think they require payment by the semester not the month, and I HATE paying for things you don't get, so I would likely have to pull her for the entire semester) .

And of course, the biggie: so NOW where do I have this baby? I am trying to find a HB midwife who will take me on - our house is in an underserved area, so it may prove difficult. Delivering in a Columbus, GA hospital is not an option I even want to consider. I coached my SIL's birth there in May and it was a lot of my fears and pet peeves come to life - a very stressful environment that I find totally unacceptable. I could figure out a place to stay to deliver in Atlanta if a hospital birth was necessary - I could go back the practice I used with DD probably with no trouble. But I can't really do a HB in Atlanta b/c we have no *home* there anymore. SO it's either find a HB midwife to come to Columbus, or deliver at a hospital 2 hours away ( I could stay with friends prior to the birth - I wouldn't make that drive in labor). i really WANT the homebirth if I have to go back to the US - but it will be tough scraping together the money for it and finding someone to take me on at 24 weeks, without being able to see me until 28 weeks, and then not again until 36 weeks...

ARG!!! The good thing - I think the stress of the situation has helped DH accept the HB much more easily than he would otherwise. He's always been swayable - I never worried he would say definitely not (having coached me delivering Robin, a lot of his fears are allayed) - but now he seems like, "Okay, if that will help you feel better, HB it is." I still need to build his confidence on it - But FIRST I have to find someone who will attend me.
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Have you checked to see if there are any birth centers in the area? Is that even an option? Sorry you have to go through all of this stress


Keri
 

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I PM'd you some info that may be helpful.

There's always The Farm if your DH's company is "making" you go back to the US anyway--will they foot the bill for that, considering that you don't have a home to go back to?

I find it really odd that your DH's company is willing to risk you flying from Shanghai to GA in the third trimester. A lot of airlines are really "iffy" about it as well. Do they have a contingency plan if you go into labor on the plane?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for the sympathy and good wishes. Kate - i got your PM and THANK YOU for the resources. I got an email back this morning from a HB midwife and she DOES service my town and she's willing to take me on. She seemed really low stress about it and will give me a break on her fees b/c I basically won't be getting any prenatal care from her. So THAT is a load off. There is still a lot of logistics we aren;t sure about, and we may get more bad news about our living situation (they may require us to stay in the US from December-April, which is a major inconvenience and disruption to our lives, even more so than just returning for March and April). Also, the extra travelling and HB expenses may mean we can't follow through on our plans for the summer.

But, I am very excited that a HB is now a real possibility - I have to "go to school" now on the HB threads.

Kate - It's definitely cheaper for them to just pay our delivery costs here. But they are concerned about bigger liability issues, so I think they are willing to eat the travel costs. And I don't really think we can get them to pay HB costs (b/c we are insured and could opt for a hosp. delivery), although believe me I'm trying to think of a way to swing it
. DH is a bit nervous - he worked for this company before we had DD, but we moved then and he's only been back with them since September. Now we're (unintentionallY) causing all this huballoo - he's scared they are going to think it would be easiest to just fire him since he's a new kid on the block. So he doesn't want to get too demanding - which I understand, but on the other hand I'm mad. My MW here will do a cervix check and make sure I'm "long and tight" before she gives me a flight letter - which the airline may or may not ask me for.

Thanks for the well wishes.
 

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Good to hear that you've found someone--I know for sure what a load off that can be.

Just to satisfy my own curiosity, what are the bigger liability issues that they are concerned with? I'm also wondering if those issues might apply in my case (citizenship issues, etc).
 
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