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Discussion Starter #1
Just because your dh is gone 5 days a week (overnights, too) does NOT in ANY way, make you a SINGLE MOM!!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nono.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nono"> He is helping pay your bills, he helps with the kids when he comes home, you love each other, and you show it. You are NOT a SINGLE mom!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><br><br>
And if your husband is DEPLOYED....for however long....he is still sending you money, you are still receiving benefits. You are NOT SINGLE!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><br><br>
A single mom is one who DOES NOT live with the father of her child(ren) and the majority of the care in raising those children is hers. There might be VISITATION and there might be CHILD SUPPORT, but it is rarely enough to pay the bills, and rarer still do father and mother sleep in the same house, let alone the same BED, during visitation! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss"><br><br><br>
GRRRR! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/soapbox.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="soapbox"><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><span style="font-size:xx-small;">Sorry, I just had to get it out!</span>
 

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But... But... But... They FEEL like a single mom.... temporarily. They don't take into account that they probably have a countdown until their DH/SO comes back and they can pencil in a sanity break <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:
 

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Discussion Starter #3
*giggle* Exactly!<br><br>
It's TEMPORARY. My being a single mom may also be temporary, but I don't have any idea when, let alone IF, I will ever have another parent to defer responsibilities to!
 

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If they've never been a single mom - then they don't know what if FEELS like.<br><br>
I also find this extremely offensive.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
Yeah, I tried to join a single mama's support group at my church. The majority of the moms there had husbands on deployment...and the majority of the talk was about when they were coming home. NOT the same thing at all in my opinion.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Bixby</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7994206"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> Yeah, I tried to join a single mama's support group at my church. The majority of the moms there had husbands on deployment...and the majority of the talk was about when they were coming home. NOT the same thing at all in my opinion.</div>
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Why did the church allow them to join that particular group...it's so not the same thing?
 

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I am not in anyway a single mom anymore. BUT I post here because I went through the most horrid divorce, and I think I have some single mama wisdom. (at least I hope I do)<br><br>
PLUS, I really can not stand the blended parents forum... they seem to be mostly step moms bitching about moms, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> or how awful their husband's first children are. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br>
Or how it is not fair that the first wife gets a small amount of child support that rightfully should go to their children.<br><br><br><br>
Being a single mom is hard, rewarding, stressful, delightful, and awe inspiring.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: I understand the OP's pov totally - I actually don't refer to myself as a single mom anymore, even though I guess technically I am. I'm an "unmarried mom" - but wouldn't presume to come on here and claim to be dealing with life as a "single mom" anymore.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to all you guys. And, yeah, I like it here more than the blended family forum, so don't mind me as I poke my nose in y'alls business now and then <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>boobybunny</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7994692"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am not in anyway a single mom anymore. BUT I post here because I went through the most horrid divorce, and I think I have some single mama wisdom. (at least I hope I do)<br><br>
PLUS, I really can not stand the blended parents forum... they seem to be mostly step moms bitching about moms, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> or how awful their husband's first children are. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br>
Or how it is not fair that the first wife gets a small amount of child support that rightfully should go to their children.<br><br>
Being a single mom is hard, rewarding, stressful, delightful, and awe inspiring.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br><br>
I will continue to post here after I get married. Being a single mom has been the most rewarding experience in my life. Getting out of a bad marriage and creating a family life with my dc, has been one of the most significant feats in my life (so far).<br><br>
boobybunny - ITA about the step/blending board. It makes me crazy. It's like a crash course in what not to do. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="throb"> I love our single parent board!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>boobybunny</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7994692"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am not in anyway a single mom anymore. BUT I post here because I went through the most horrid divorce, and I think I have some single mama wisdom. (at least I hope I do) .</div>
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Of course you do silly! Your experiences don't disappear with the appearance of a partner or wedding band LOL!<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>boobybunny</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7994692"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">PLUS, I really can not stand the blended parents forum... they seem to be mostly step moms bitching about moms, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> or how awful their husband's first children are. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br>
Or how it is not fair that the first wife gets a small amount of child support that rightfully should go to their children.<br>
Being a single mom is hard, rewarding, stressful, delightful, and awe inspiring.</div>
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I agree with you 100% !!!!!!! I read some of those posts and think "OMG why did you marry someone that already has children!!!!!"....
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>woo27ks</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7994172"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If they've never been a single mom - then they don't know what if FEELS like.<br><br>
I also find this extremely offensive.</div>
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The thing is about the lady who the first paragraph is about....her twin sister WAS a single mom! She straight up said "I'm sick of being a single mom" or "I feel like a single mom" or something to that effect.<br><br>
The twin is in the second situtation....but I'm not 100% on if she has said she felt like a single mom. But I know others who have.<br><br>
I just want to shake her and tell her offensive it is!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>StrugglingMomX's2</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7994559"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Why did the church allow them to join that particular group...it's so not the same thing?</div>
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I actually talked to the pastor about it, but he just couldn't rasp my point of view. He felt that because those mamas were alone for 6 months at a time they were dealing with the same issues. (I'm not saying what they do isn't hard, I know it is!) He just couldn't understand how hurtful it would be to a newly single mom to hear all of the talk about husbands coming home.
 

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It's always sad when people don't GET it, isn't it? The thing is is that they truly do not understand what our lives are like.<br><br>
FWIW, I think your pastor is NOT thinking this through!
 

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I think some people honestly don't know what kind of emotions and baggage some of us carry. I talked to a woman about being a single mama and she told me that someone told her that she should have just stayed with the person she was with. Some people cannot conceptualize the reality that many of us left.<br><br>
Had our husbands/partners/whatever else been supportive and completely compatible, many of us would still be there. Others have chosen the road to mama hood without a partner (Lord knows I wish I had, but that my friends is a different story...)<br><br>
People sometimes, truly do not understand what courage it took for some of us to get here and still stand after the smoke had cleared and I think this is a case of that ignorance.
 

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Thank you for saying this! Being a mom who does not get a dime from her ex I cringe when friends I have who are military wives tell me they are single moms. Im sure they feel lonely and miss their partners but it's so not the same thing.
 

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And those moms who think they feel like they're single but actually aren't, are not even <b>BEGINNING</b> to consider what it's like to be forced to be away from your child for a period of time they can't even dictate. Or to see their child upset from being <i>forced</i> to leave home night after night, or to have them go away on long vacations without their moms, or to send their child away to stay where another woman plays "mom" with them for a while (such as an ex's girlfriend), and send their child off with the very man they distrust. All the legal worries. And then the aforementioned financial issues when you're a solo parent. And so on and so forth...it offends me too, especially when made in the company of an actual single parent, because it's a thoughtless, inconsiderate comment. If I get a bang on the leg, I don't proclaim that I'm like a handicapped person - not the same thing at all.
 

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Though I should actually add that there was a mom I knew when I first moved here that would make comments like that, just because her (VERY supportive and loving) husband had to work late some evenings. It just made my blood boil inside. However, ironically over time she's become one of my biggest supporters, even though her own husband is a kind and good man, she totally understands what I've been though with my ex and she's been great to talk to. I never did tell her how her early comments bugged me, but I do notice that since she's gotten to know me, she never says anything like that any more!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MissLotus</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7996428"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">And those moms who think they feel like they're single but actually aren't, are not even <b>BEGINNING</b> to consider what it's like to be forced to be away from your child for a period of time they can't even dictate. Or to see their child upset from being <i>forced</i> to leave home night after night, or to have them go away on long vacations without their moms, or to send their child away to stay where another woman plays "mom" with them for a while (such as an ex's girlfriend), and send their child off with the very man they distrust. All the legal worries. And then the aforementioned financial issues when you're a solo parent. And so on and so forth...it offends me too, especially when made in the company of an actual single parent, because it's a thoughtless, inconsiderate comment. If I get a bang on the leg, I don't proclaim that I'm like a handicapped person - not the same thing at all.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap"><br><br>
Not to mention the veiled and open hostility, the antagonism, and the constant adversity we often experience while trying our damndest to coparent with dc's father... My tongue has been bitten so often I'm surprised it's still attached <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 
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