[mommy2abigail]

I dont know what is happening. DD and I are just at a crossroads. I feel so disconnected, she is acting out and it's very stressful. I dont know what is happening, or why. She ts everything. Naps, potty, bedtime, everything. I am trying to be more consentual, but it's getting worse. I am threatening, yelling and loosing my cool with her many times per day. I was NEVER like this before. It's not acceptable. Today after 2 hours of fighting with her to nap, I put her in the pack an play in the guest room, where she sits, crying. She's tired, I'm tired, and we are both cranky. She is not ready to give up naps. She gets very tired and cranky in the middle of the day and if she skips a nap (we tried) she is a BEAR from 3pm until bedtime, where she gets so wound up, it's another drama then. I can't continue like this. I hate SAH with her right now, not because of her, but because I'm a horrid mother. I'm crying writing this. I wish I could just be all cool and calm and consentual, I just can't. I need some help here....

 

[mommy2abigail]

nak, ok I just went in and got her and told her i was wrong and sorry and i'd never leave her again and hugged and now shes nursing. i feel horrible. something is up (with me) and i can't go on like this. its not fair for her at all.

 

[ann_of_loxley]

Have you thought of maybe a bach remedie?

I feel you hun...I know whats its like. Sometimes just talking about it like this here can help - Have people listen to you and roll over thoughts and feelings you are having...

You need to start fresh. You need to release.

I see you are pregnant? I swear children have this sixth sense! My friends dd was acting similarly as yours despite she really had no idea what being pregnant was or what a 'baby' was - let alone that baby was inside her mother and going to be the new baby brother! lol... Perhaps she has picked up on this?

I think some quality bonding time is needed. Something you two can do to connect. Feel good. Sometimes after a simple stressful day with my ds, a nice bath just the two of us puts it all right before bed. Other activities help. Like yoga. Dancing. Things the two of you can do together....? Release energy and wind down..

Now about the nap thing!.... Tbh...she may not 'seem' like she is ready to give it up yet, but if she is not napping, she probably is!... I hate to say that ...I had to admit the same thing to myself a month ago!!! lmao For me it was the fact I now also lost my chance at a 2 hour nap every afternoon hehe...Ds was the same way with his naps! I was POSITIVE he wasnt ready to give them up - considering they were 2 hours everyday, still sleeping from roughtly 7-7 AND SUPER grumpy after lunch IF no nap was had....But a week of struggle...still NOT napping...I gave up...two weeks after that he has adjusted very well to it! Tip for this: Keep the day calm and relaxed. Ds wasnt as grumpy by late afternoon if we had a calmer relaxed day - that way making it to bedtime without a huge breakdown!...And then he eventually 'got used to it'...so now he doesnt have a nap and he really doesnt need it and we can have amore active day as well and hes fine!

 

[WuWei]

Are you getting adequate essential fatty acids and magnesium supplementation? These affect our hormones and I see that you are pregnant too. Most women, especially pregnant/nursing mamas are low in magnesium.

Have you tried any rescue remedy? I'd feel comfortable taking it pregnant. Not everyone would though.

I feel more irritable if I don't eat protein early in the day, or if I get dehydrated.

Have you tried taking a car ride to help induce a nap? Do you have a wind down routine? Perhaps, plan an outdoor activity early in the day and be sure she has had a snack/something to eat before the nap. Ds is more wound up in the afternoon if he doesn't get enough outside activity, or if he is hungry when tired.

HTH, Pat

 

[rzberrymom]

My 2 1/2 year old is going through a really similar change! I can't really figure out what is causing it, but some things that have helped us--spending as much time as possible outside, trying to cut down on over-stimulating activities (things like playgroups really mess her up for the rest of the day), and taking her for a walk in a carrier if she skips her nap, which is most of the time (I see that you're pregnant, so maybe a stroller walk instead would help?)

I remember my cousin telling me that 18 months-2 1/2 is the best age, and I remember thinking "what the heck happens at 2 1/2?" Now I know.

 

[LilWin]

Same here, and I was also worrying that it might be me. Of course the energy goes back and forth between me and DD, but I felt like a lousy mom all week. This morning DD was pounding on the tv and after that on her little brother, I really felt agression from her and I still can't understand where it came from. I guess it's her age or some sort of developmental leap.

:

 

[SublimeBirthGirl]

It's her age. I remember, not too long ago. You're not a terrible mother.

 

[mommy2abigail]

Thanks ladies. I went and got her and she fell asleep nursing.

: It was nice though, because I got to hold her through her nap, which we haven't done in a while. I will try taking magnesium and essential fatty acids, I'm sure I'm deficient in at least something to be feeling this way. Yes, I'm pregnant, and that is contributing to the extreme fatigue. We are going to do some serious reconnecting in the next week or so. I've been trying to do more outings and playdates, since I'm so tired all the time, that way she gets some form of entertainment. I think we are due for a relaxing (boring!) day at home, just us two. Poor little monkey, she has no clue why mama is such a bear lately.

 

[swampangel]

We all find ourselves in these places from time to time. Be gentle with yourself...we often forget to do that.

Is she very verbal? Have you tried telling her how you're feeling? Not in a way that would impose too much on her, but with the goal of letting her know that it isn't her...that you're going throug a lot right now. Does she know you're pregnant? My oldest became quite knowledgable about what women go through when pregnant when I was expecting our second! It helped us both a lot for him to know that pregnancy can be hard on a mama and he wasn't the reason why I was so tired and cranky.

Hang in there!

 

[maryjane]

You sound so tired, too! I was thinking that as important as her nap is for HER, it's also crucial for you. You probably really need that time to replenish your battery, so to speak, while she's sleeping. I know that when I've fought my kid to fall asleep, then I don't really relax during his nap like I should either... I'm too stressed out from the whole thing and busy beating myself up for the way I acted.

I know my DS1 would nap in the car if he was really tired. I live about 30 minutes from the airport and would drive out there sometimes. By the time I got there, he'd be sound asleep. Then I could keep driving or find free parking and read a book and listen to my Ipod.

Hang in there! You are the perfect mommy for your daughter.

 

[Danaoc]

I'm sending you hugs during this difficult time!

Could she be going through a growth spurt? Remember how much we paid attention to growth spurts during their first year? Well, my ds still goes through emotional & physical craziness when he experiences a growth spurt. I used to think I had a changed child & that I was a horrible mother, but then I saw them for what they were. And I could literally SEE the difference when he came out of a growth spurt (shorter pants, shoes didn't fit, he felt heavier, he'll drink a ton of milk, etc.) Now when he's out of sorts we usually attribute it to a growth spurt and it's much easier to ride out when I know it will last for only a bit.

Good luck!

 

[mommy2abigail]

She is very verbal. I do tell her "mama's is very cranky, and that is not your fault. I need some rest, so let's do something quiet, ect." She gets it. She knows I'm pregnant, and we try not to talk it up much, but she definately knows. She hugs my tummy every night and kisses bean through my belly button.

Today, after she woke up, she had a snack and I commited to playing with her 100%. She wanted to swing on the swings so we went out and I was pushing her and out of the blue, she asked if she could let go (of the swing rope) I said yes, since she was in the baby swing atm and she said "Mama, I love you this (opening her arms up wide) much!"

: We had a great time together and it was nice to reconnect after that horrendous afternoon. My mom just took her to the store so I could have a break. This parenting thing is SO hard! I swear, I feel guilty when I am taking a break, and yet I can't function without SOME time to myself. I feel horrid not playing with her ALL the time, yet I want to get some other things done around here!! She SO needs some siblings!

It's nice (sorry, but it's true) to hear that other mama's have gone through this too. I can hardly recognize myself lately.

 

[lovemyfamily6]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy2abigail It's nice (sorry, but it's true) to hear that other mama's have gone through this too. I can hardly recognize myself lately.

I hear you there. Only for me it's been the last few months. My baby is almost 5 months old and his big brothers all love him. I was on bedrest for two months before he was born though, and my oldest started kindy and the 4 year old twins are going through some (hopefully developmentally appropriate because it's frustrating) difficult behavior.

I actually just ordered some DHA. We're vegetarian so I don't get it through fish. I'm hoping it will help my mood. I'm just so short with the older boys. A friend suggested that it could be post partum depression for me, but I really and truly don't think so. I think it's just TOO MUCH. And my mom and dad who are the only one's to give us a break, are moving at the end of the month.

: I didn't know about the magnesium mentioned above. I'll have to see how much my prenatal vitamin has.

I might have to try what you said and just commit to being with them and actively playing with them a portion of each day (or shorter spurts several times a day). So much of our day is just getting through with what needs done. Maybe part of the problem is that they're playing with only each other for such a large part of the day.

Oh, and that's so sweet that she kisses your tummy every night. My boys did that too. They were so excited to have a baby!