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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Most of you ladies have strong views on some issues concerning child upbringing. You believe that you've done your research and you finally know what's best for your baby and you often believe that you know what's "the right way" to do things although sometimes you have to be quiet in order not to upset moms who care for their babies differently. Someone posted a thread about stupid advice they got wrt baby care. Often that advice is given by older people who were taught and told to do things differently. When they give you that advice, they believe that they also know better. Yes, your argument could be that 30 years went by, new research was done and what we are doing now is right and what was before is wrong.

Well, 30 years from now we will all be that "older generation" who will likely want to give advice to young moms, while most likely at that time, there will be other "right answers" which could be very different from what we know now. So, how would you feel? Would you feel that what you've always done and learned based on your own research today is right? Or would you continue to do research all your life (even though your children will be adults by that time and we are talking about babies)? Or would you simply trust that what parents will be doing in 30 years must be the right way and your info is outdated?
Maybe in 30 years (like it was 30 years before) there will be different views on breastfeeding and solids. There will be different norms with explanations why what you personally done for your baby was wrong. Maybe there will be different views on disciplining children. Maybe there will be different views on how to treat diseases and what to do when this or that happens to your baby. Yes, you are used to your ways and you believe they are right because research you've done makes sense. But how about in 30 years? What's your view on it?
 

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I think you made a good point. It's amazing how much infromation changes, and whats good for a baby changes along with society. I wonder if the people who are offering this unwanted advice (pertaining to parenting styles or anything else,..) researched this information first, or if they just listened to a doctor or something to come up with their beliefs? I think it's very difficult to know how I will feel that far in the future...I will be a different person then than I am now, and who knows what the research will show in the future! It's kinda scarey to think about, really. I can't imagine things getting to be more advanced than they are now. will the idea of laboring and birthing be a thing of the past? Will it all be technical and natural birthing completely out of the picture? Who knows. I'm sure even the unwanted advice is given out with good inttions, no matter how damaging it might be!!
 

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Very interesting post. I'm the lifetime learner type so when I have grandbabies, I'll be looking up all the info again and see what's changed and read the research for myself. I'm open to being wrong. I will probably always have a 'natural' orientation to my views because I believe biology/god/evolution has created certain things to be certain ways for a reason so I'll probably always keep that filter on everything I encounter.
 

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Right on. Something to think about!

When I took my EMT course the instuctor started off by telling us that 50% of everything he was about to teach us was dead wrong. Unfourtunatly it would be many years before we figured out which 50%.

I don't think that I will continue to research. I hope that I will be open to what my children do or don't do with their own children. I can already see (much clearer as I get older) that there is no right and wrong generally, but lots of gray areas.
 

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I have thought of this before. What it boils down to for me is that breastfeeding and responding to a baby's cry will never go out of style. The rest is opinion.
 

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The advice that I truly listened to was from the parents of people I loved and cherished. I figured if those parents raised such wonderful adults, then they were onto something, kwim?
Every one of them used AP/NFL.
 

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I'm not planning to do things much differently than my parents. I'm going to do baby signing and ECing, but they would have done those if they'd known about them when I was a baby.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Persephone
I have thought of this before. What it boils down to for me is that breastfeeding and responding to a baby's cry will never go out of style. The rest is opinion.
ITA. If some research comes up saying it's better to ff or CIO I'll be damned. I honestly don't think I'll believe it. Of course, I honestly don't think that will happen.

As for other issues, I'm doing the best I know how, and I get an "A" for effort. I did what I judged to be best based on the information available.

I'm also open to changing studies, and I hope I have enough respect for my children as adults to trust their decisions.
 

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Well, since I pretty much try to do with DS what mammals have been doing for, well, ever, I'm not sure it would actually change all that much...
 

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I have done my share of research, but I don't claim to know everything. I try to go by my motherly instincts (bf-ing on demand, no-vax, co-sleep, etc). No one told me it was the right thing to do, it just feels right. When I've talked to my MIL and my mother, they honestly say that back when we were kids they just did what the doctor told them to do. But if they knew then what they know now they would have done things differently.

I'm sure there will always be some things that each generation believes to be the best, on any subject, not just parenting. I think our children are being raised differently then we were raised, and so hopefully they will things by their natural instinct. JMO
 

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I too hope I will be open enough to listen to what my children have learned, and continue researching if it calls to me. I love learning, and hope I'll never stop.
 

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I also love researching and learning new things. However, my parenting comes from my heart. Plain and simple. I would never regret tending to my childs needs, nurturing them and doing what is best for them.
 

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yea, what mollyeilis said


I read the book "attachment parenting" in preparation to pass it out to the mass of family and friends who are having babies this fall and really liked what the author(s?) referred to as instinctual parenting. This little phrase I stole off amazon sums it up

"but mostly the book is an exhortation to listen and to trust yourself, and to trust your child's ability to convey to you what he or she needs."

This kind of common sense is timeless.

btw, it was funny to read a book that confirmed everything that we do so naturally. I kept stopping to read passages to dh, and we'd share a laugh..."hey, we do that!"
 

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While I did do research regarding things like vaxes, everything else just came naturally. Before I even knew this site existed, or had picked up one book on breastfeeding, I knew that is what I would do (and I was only bf for 6 weeks, younger brother was formula fed). We naturally fell into co-sleeping and I bought a sling before DD was born because it seemed like the most natural, comfortable and easy thing to do. I never in a million years considered crying it out because it seemed to go against every natural instinct I had for caring for my baby.

After coming here my natural instincts were only re-affirmed. I think my advice to any new parent 30 years from now would be to trust their instincts. If you don't want your baby to cry, soothe them. If you feel guilt about not trying breastfeeding, try it. If you feel lonely when you're baby is in another room in a crib, bring them to bed with you, etc.
 

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I'm sure some things will change (hopefully for the better) and I of course don't believe I'm doing the best thing in all things. But I do think there are some things that are right even though they were considered wrong before and wrong even though they were considered right. I have no idea how society will change on those issues (breastfeeding, intact genitals for girls and boys etc.) but I will never change my mind on them. I'm hoping in 30 years that the vast majority of women will be breastfeeding their children and most for extended periods of time and that circumcision will be illegal world-wide for girls and boys, but regardless of wether that dream happens or not I will continue to advocate for it.

So in answer to the question: no, I don't believe that current "trends" in any decade 30 years ago, now or 30 years from now are necessarily the best way to do things - in fact they are often terrible harmful. It wont matter to me what the current "research" says or how many experts advocate for it, if in 30 years they are saying that formula is better than breastmilk and amputation should be routine I will still be against it just like I am now.

Laura
 

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Great question. It's hard to give my answer without sounding like "I know what is best and I know it still will be in 30 years", but...

My husband and I were just talking about this yesterday, but it in a broader scope. We talked about how "science" (we had differing ideas on what science means) has evolved so much over time and how when I teach science to my elementary and middle school students, I am sure to make the point that this is what we "know" NOW, but it WILL change over time.

In relation to parenting, this boils down to this: humans have parented for thousands of years without too much variation with great success. (Someone might think about increased life-spans in response to this statement, but that is misleading. People have been able to live very long lives for thousands of years if they weren't subjected to an accident or an outbreak of certain diseases.) Only in the past few hundred years have different parenting styles fluctuated with changing styles and research. When looking at the timeline of human history, I tend to put much more faith in what worked for thousands of years than in what scientists or doctors claim works now.

During the first weeks of being a mother, I did what came naturally. I fed my child when she was hungry. I carried her with me as I did things so that she would be secure and content and so that I wouldn't have to be apart from her any more than needed. I slept with my baby, in my bed, whenever she happened to fall asleep. I wondered how other people manage to take care of their children if they are using cribs or formula--it seemed to me like that would be much more difficult and counter-intuitive. No one will hear me utter the words Attachement Parenting in relation to how I care for my daughter. What I try to do is follow the guidelines of my early ancestors because that is how the human species has survived, just like other mammals. Gorillas aren't going to change their parenting styles in 30 years; why should we?
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Persephone
I have thought of this before. What it boils down to for me is that breastfeeding and responding to a baby's cry will never go out of style. The rest is opinion.
I guess my question is not really about basics like responding to a baby's cry but more in changing norms. For example, let's say that in 30 years it will be known that babies should start eating certain solids or drink juices at 2 months of age (I am being extreme here, but it is just an example). Let's say they will back it up with extensive research proving they are right. Or maybe there would be a research suggesting that no solids should be introduced for the first 24 months. Or maybe there will be a research that nursing mothers should not eat some common foods (lets' say certain veggies) while today those veggies are considered beneficial to bf moms. Or maybe there will be a research saying that slings/baby carriers are harmful to baby's spines even though you think that it is the most natural thing on earth. Would you go for it or whould you still go with what you practice yourself based on today's research?
 

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Like PPs have said, there are certain things that are right that transcend the latest "study". No circ, breastfeeding, no CIO, natural childbirth, co-sleeping or bedding near your baby. These things have been done for 1000's of years and worked.

As for birth, I sometimes fear it's future. I have heard studies, trends saying in the future it will be all test-tube babies, artificially incubated etc. You won't get pregnant or give birth. Can you imagine? You get a call saying Mrs so and so your baby will have completed artificial gestation on such and such a date and be ready for pick up.
uke I can't even imagine the repercussions that would have on a baby - not being nurtured in the womb.
 

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Most of you said that you would still believe in the same things, which is natural. I think the op's point though is that maybe we shouldn't dismiss or put down the last generation's advice for the sake of their feelings. They also believe they are right just as much as you do now. My grandpa recently sent me an email suggesting giving dd some whiskey for teething pain. He just wanted to help so I just replied saying "thanks Grandpa, works great!" I didn't try it, didn't plan on trying it. It wasn't even a lie since sure I assume whiskey will take away pain, so it does "work great", I didn't feel the need to test it
. Now of course the rest of my family thinks I gave my 8mo old dd whiskey because he told them my reply, but who cares? It was worth it to spare my grandpa his feelings and to make him feel needed. If someone offers you advice, what's the harm in saying "thanks for the suggestion" and moving on? Why does everyone always have to prove themselves right? If it's a reoccuring situation and they want to see you take their advice, be as tactful as you can and remember that one day you will most likely be on the recieving end of this. (or maybe I misinterpreted the op's point
)
 

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my oldest is 12 and my youngest is 5 months....and so much has changed in just 12 years. Also my mind and heart are open to change so it makes it easy for me to go with the flow!!

It has been hard for me to wrap my brain around waiting until 6 months to offer food to a baby!!! And to trust my body that my milk is all he needs. Having MDC has really helped me because of all the strong views here it pushes me to do the research and become a more informed parent. I value the intense and passionate way some pp's have around here...

When my 1st ds was a baby I got really bad breastfeeding advice frome my most loved auntie...it ultimately ruined my breastfeeding success...I only lasted 4 months.


Since then (and 12 years later) I know we have to question everything. We have to be open to change and be able to question everything that is thrown our way when it comes to doing what is best for our children.

I hope I remain this open sponge that can take in information and process it and grow from it. I hope I can trust my kids enough when they are parents...just give them the information and then keep my big fat mouth shut(cuz I don't want to be the know-it-all mother-in-law!)

Anyway! in 30 years?? wow that's a long way away to speculate...I think we'll all go back to total living off the earth...there will be no more plastic, no bottles...you'll have to hire a wet nurse to feed your baby if you can't, and no more mdc because the internet will have long been crashed...(but that's a different thread!)
 
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