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okay, so i'm just really bummed out today and looking for a hug.

first off, there's this http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=486145 situation with my db. the short version is: my mother yells at my 7yr brother. this does two things to me: 1. makes me very defensive over him and angry with her for behaving in a way that i think is completely inappropriate. 2. brings back all the frustrated feelings from when i was a kid and she yelled at/guilt tripped me. this is a problem in and of itself that i don't know how to deal with, but it's even worse bc my mother and brother are both planning on coming to our UC. i'm really excited about db being there! i'm even excited about my mother being there (it's going to be her job to watch dd and db while dh pays attention to me), but im so afraid that if db does something "wrong" that she's going to act impatiently to him and that's going to stress me out. so right now i'm in a position where i have to deal with this issue sometime. my mother already knows how i feel about this, and i think that the tension is making it even worse (she's been on edge with db for the past week). my options are basically sit her down and have a heart to heart about this really hard issue, try to let go of my fears and trust that the birth will go well, or just don't call her when i go into labour (which will definately hurt her feelings and it'll just mean that i have to deal with it after ds is born, which i dont want to do either.) basically, i have to deal with it because i can't bare to go into this birth without knowing that it will not be surrounded by fears/tension. still ... it's a really hard subject to approach (power struggle between me and dm over db's discipline, her guilt about doing a lot of things "wrong" with me, my resentment, etc.)

then there's dd's paternal grandmother (i'm not with dd's genetic father). dd's dad is a sweety and we get along well, and i get along with his parents well except that his mother takes a little too strong of a role. like ... sometimes it's hard to say who's "may-may" and who's "mommy"! anyway, dd's dad is moving out of his parents house soon and today his mom told me that even though he's moving, she'd really like it if dd could still come stay the night once a week.
: how do i have THIS talk? the one where i say ... well, sure she can visit, but one night (two days?) a week is just rediculouse! she doesn't go over to my or dh's parent's houses that often! ::sigh::

THEN there's another issue with the pool attendents at my community pool. i won't even go into that, but basically one particular gentleman doesn't like me and thinks it's okay to yell at/speak very hostily to me and my kids...

OH MY GOD

you guys will NEVER believe this! i was in the middle of typing this thread when my little brother asked if we could go to the mall. i said sure and put the computer aside. then while we were there i started feeling funny ... i started seeing some lights in my vision and feeling a little light headed. this kind of came and went and i didn't pay it too much attention (it felt kind of like when your sugar's low or something like that). then, a little while later i started feeling funny again, this time it was hard for me to make coherent sentences. i called my brother by my husband's name. i knew my mind felt really cloudy and told dh that we should take him home and get home. when got in the car my right hand went a little numb as though it was asleep, then got better in about 5min. when we got home, i grabbed my wallet and tested my BP which was fine. by that time i felt fine, but ds wasn't moving around a lot and i knew that one reason someone might have those symptoms was lack of oxygen to the brain. i thought it would be best to run to the hospital just to make sure the baby was fine. of course, as soon as we got there i still felt fine and ds was moving around perfectly. they tested BP, oxygen levels and ds's heart rate, all of which were great. they also did a CAT scan (double layered lead) and took a bunch of blood. that also came out fine.

they decided that they wanted me to talk to the neurologist anyway because they couldn't figure out what would cause those symptoms. soooo ... by this time it was past 2am (we were in the ER for a looooong time before finding anything out... not their fault, they were really busy!). they rolled me up to L&D where, thankfully, i knew the nurse who is super sweet and doesn't mind me being a difficult patient. i answered all their questions and sat around with EFM for a while. ugghh... i just wanted to leave so badly. they wanted to hook an IV up to my heplock, but when i asked why my nurse said "i dunno." so i said ... i think i'll pass (i hate trying to sleep all hooked up to those machines!)

of course my biggest fear through this whole thing is that i was going to go into labour while at the hospital! that would make the whole "oops i had a uc" thing a little less believable
:

anyway, after refusing an ultrasound (to check the baby's fluid .. which, i just had an ultrasound a couple weeks ago and asked if there was any reason to think the fluid might be different, they said it was just to check so i said no thank you), asking when the dr. would be there and being told that they didn't know (this was about 13hrs after i got there) i was really starting to regret going in at all. i talked to the neurologist finally and she said she wanted to check to make sure there weren't any signs of stroke, but most likely it was just a weird headache/migrane. they took a total of 18 vials of blood and did an ultrasound on my heart and arteries in my neck. then i had to wait several more hrs. because the OB wanted to see me. i asked what she wanted to check, and the nurse said it was just law that she had to see me if i was checked in while she was on call. she said i could leave, but it would be against dr. advice and so the insurance co. (medicaid) might not pay for the hospital visit.

while in the ER i started having some heavy BH contractions and all my wonderful thougts/plans of my peaceful, happy UC began to be threatened. i realized just how uncomfortable the institutionalized healthcare system makes me and how powerless i feel while inside it, even thought i'm well educated and quite forthright.

luckily, i'm now home. the OB from my office said to come in on my reg. appntmnt which is wednesday and that she'll do some EFM. they're talking about induction possibilities if the tests come back funky (which the neurologist didn't seem very concerned about). she seemed to like the idea of induction far too much for my comfort, so i dont' know how the next visit(s) might go. i really don't want the EFM and will probably refuse it because i don't want to give them any reason to tell me to go to the hospital if i think i shouldn't.

AH! wow. the perfect ending to the perfect day. no matter. i'm at home with dh and dd and feel much better. i still have to deal with all the other stuff going on ... but i definately would like to wait a day or two. so ... sleepy ....
 

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Wow, your mother sounds a lot like mine. I completely understand. I think it's that they feel so out of comtrol in thier own lives, that they feel the need to control those around them. It took me 26 years of struggling, and getting pregnant (she finally considers me an adult), to finally have any kind of remotely healthy relationship with her. (really long story, but I swear, our mothers come form the same tree)

I would suggest that evaluate your situation with your mother.
I get the feeling that if you don't resolve this issue, your UC will not go the way you want it too. You will be worried the whole time that she might cause tension, or start to yell. Either you need to confront her (gently) before hand, or just not call her, and deal with it later.
I would guess that dealing with it now would be a little bit easier, but the stress and tension might stay with you for the birth. (when I have one of those "encounters" with my mother sometimes the negativity can stay with me for a few weeks)
If you don't call her, and just deal with it after the birth, it could be quite messy I imagine. (my mother would be sooo upset) and you might even be worrying about the future conflict during your birth.
You need to decide which will have the least impact on your birthing plans, and choose that one.
For me, I would gently talk to my mother before hand, and if she got upset, and started to cause a fuss (my mother hates feeling that she is in the wrong, her self-esteem can't handle it, and she gets really defensive, in a hostile way) then I would try again at a later time. I might even tell her that if we didn't resolve this now, then I wouldn't be able to have her at the birth.

I can't tell you how to handle this, Our mothers may be similar, but I'm sure we have different ways of dealing with them and the issues from our childhood, and different coping mechanisms.
You need to decide what is best for you. Think of your mother, yes, but worry about you...you and your new baby and your DH are going to be together, and around long after your mother has passed away, and YOU are the most important person in this.

I hope things go better for you. I'm sending good thoughts your way.


If you want to talk, please go ahead and PM me.

~Moose
 

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[Hope your next day goes better. Here are my thoughts.
1) please do not have your mother and brother at your birth. You might want to find someone else to babysit your daughter too. I have raised my sister(10 years younger than me) and I would get into arguments about how she should be raised(my mom was an alcoholic, which ultimately cost her marriage,then her life). Anyway, you do not need to deal with stress like that during labor(or pregnancy for that matter). The more people there, often times the slower labor goes, and your mom might decide to take matters into her own hands and call an ambulance(I have seen this happen).
2) Who is raising your brother? If it is your mom, leave her be, and don't say anything. You have your own children. If she makes mistakes, it is not up to you to fix them. You are not God(boy, I am glad I am not! ). Your brother will eventually come to you on his own when he is able(might be 15 or 16 or even 18) but the truth will out.
3) You might want to move a little farther away, or something so that you and your hubby and children can be a family unit of your own, without being intrinsically linked to the rest of either his family or yours. We are supposed to leave our families and cleave to each other. It's ok to visit, but not be in each other's business all the time, and I see too much of that happening.

sorry for the diatribe, but that is what I would do. BTDT, got the Tshirt and white hair to go with it!
 

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I usually don't feal well enough to go to a dr/midwife appointment the last couple weeks, so I call in sick, and rescedule (a couple times in a row). Though the not fealing well usually is simply being to big and exhausted and emotional to deal with going to an appointment.
 

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Sorry about your horrible day. I am really glad that you escaped the hospital relatively unscathed! It could have been hard to walk out in labor. BUT, I would have!

Take a breath and relax. :yawning:

As for your mom, If it were MY mom (and it was for my last birth), I just did not call her. You can always "oops" your mom too and call just as your transitioning or just after the birth. Play it up that you thought you had time. She will get over it. For me, I had to just let it go and do what was right for me. I finally found out that I can't please my mom no matter how hard I tried, so once I stopped, I feel great!


Think good birth thoughts, and dump the stress. That is the only way to do it.
 
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