Young child becoming aware of 'gender' differences? Getting back to Gender Neutral.

DD (4 in March) has always said her favorite color was blue... until recently. The other day someone asked and she said "blue and pink".

Then yesterday we were looking at some bedding in a catalog and she pointed to a bedspread and said "that's for a boy" It was actually quite gender neutral (I thought) so I asked why it looked like a boy's quilt. she said (pointing to the blue one) "that is a boy's" and then pointing to the identical except for color yellow one and said "that is a girl's".

Sorry I'm at a loss too; it does make me a little uncomfortable; I think a lot of it has to do with her surprise to discover that her baby brother did not have a "bagina" but a penis. She has always had boys and girls for friends, but the boys were as likely to initiate playing tea party as the girls were to playing trucks. Gender awareness: I'm sure there are plenty of chapters in plenty of books

I agree with the previous poster who said it is categorizing things and learning how the world is set up. My daughter will be 3 in December, and she too is obsessed with "boy" things and "girl" things. (And announces to everyone we meet that they have either a penis or a vagina, depending on if they are male or female)
She identifies dolls as girl toys and trucks as boy toys when we are in the store, even though I have never ever ever said to her "that's for boys" or "that's for girls."
Typical conversation:
"Mommy, that is for boys."
"Umm, that's a boat. Anyone can play with those. You can have one if you want it."
"But I'm not a boy."
"It doesn't matter. Anyone can play with those."
And then she either plays with it or not.
But I have never ever ever said to her "that's for boys" or "that's for girls." So I feel quite sure that it is just a stage they are going through, and that it will eventually pass.
Not sure if I helped, but at least you know you're not alone. And I don't think it's anything you did or didn't do. It's just something they have to figure out for themselves.

We tried very hard not to give our kids any weird ideas about gender. I am a tomboy and DH is a bit of a "softie" so it wasn't tough for us, really - we don't model standard man/woman behaviors or interactions at all. DD and DS have the same toys, the same clothes (we went very gender neutral for the most part and didn't buy DD any dresses until she started asking for them around age 2), and yet they choose different, mostly stereotypical things. Sure there are many things that they play with that cross the lines (DS likes to play with our set of fairies, DD likes the RC cars) but for the most part, they go for the predictably boy or girl things. We haven't done anything to encourage this, really. We don't discourage it either, though, which is just as important.

They do notice. It is normal and natural. DD started at about 3 to pick up that there were girls who were "the same as me!" and boys who weren't. We tried explaining that everybody is different and that just because someone was a girl, doesn't mean that they are really the same as you - they might have very different ideas, and they certainly look different even though you are both girls. It still hasn't entirely sunk in. DS, who is 2.5, will invariably try to find another boy to play with at the park, but we've never encouraged this. Although other parents seem to encourage their daughters to NOT play with little boys in some instances, so that might have something to do with it...

Point is, we tried to parent the two the same, and they came out very different and fitting in quite closely with the normal stereotypes. I'm actually kind of bummed because it is hard for me as a tomboy to have such a girly-girl daughter, but I'm pretty sure it isn't anything I did.

My third child does this. The other two never did! It has left me scratching my head. She will get stuck on the girl/boy issue. This toy is a girl toy this one a boy toy. What is funny in the same breath of this toy is for boys she will tell you I (mom) is going to buy her Legos for girls. She found "pink" girly Legos in her brother's catalog. That is all she wants for her birthday girl Legos.

I think there is more to gender and gender type behaviors than just male and female. I think it is spectrum. We all have areas that are more male and the other female.

I think some of the problem is that when we were growing up people believed and tought us that girls and boys are just alike and only society creates different. If you look into brain and hormonal science it is not that clear. We don't come out as "blank" slates. Scientist notice differences in the womb. They notice difference (like eye contact and leg movements) with in momments and hours after birth. A girl baby will more often than not look at faces and eyes longer than boys right out of the womb. After you account for nature you have to look at what is nurtured.

Men and women are vary different but that does not mean we should have different rights.

I think it is a phase. At this age they are starting to be influenced by outside forces, so that plays into it. I try to be low-key about it. Of course, dd hasn't really become obsessed about it yet.

As an aside, a neighbor boy (he's the only boy in the neighborhood) was over playing the other day. He's about 5, so is very concerned with boy vs. girl things (magnified because there are so many girls around). He wanted to push dd's stroller around, but didn't want to seem to "girlie", so he took the doll out and put a rubber ball in to push around. It was very cute.

Bec