[ernalala]

So often I've heard the 'don't offer, don't refuse' approach regarding (ext)bf, and it is viewed as CLW by some and otherwise seen as a gentle way of weaning by others, apparantly.

My approach is more like 'don't refuse, and offer'. I mean, ds2 expects to, and often asks to, nurse in the morning, and he nurses to sleep every evening, and very rarely asks for nursing during the day. There have been many occasions where he skipped one of these regular sessions. Because of (mostly distracting) circumstances, or either one of us just forgot. But knowing my son I do know that he still likes and needs to nurse! It is also an important bonding time for both of us (so sure still important to me too). So I do offer to nurse when I notice him forgetting about it. Or when he skipped 1 or 2 sessions, I sure remember to offer at our usual times. I would see him truly CLWeaning when he wouldn't ask for it at all anymore AND when he would refuse to nurse for at least a couple of days, maybe weeks, in a row whenever I would offer (again, cfr. our regular times) in addition to his not asking.

He has had a real bad puky stomach flue last week and couldn't hold anything down, not even my milk or plain water, and therefore he skipped about 3 bf sessions. And then wouldn't nurse the next evening (he just went to bed and I offered but he refused, it was in fact his first real active refusal). I was truly sad because this wasn't the way we would've imagined our nursing relationahip to end, so all of a sudden.

When I was quietly mourning, I heard him getting out of bed and he was there, asking me to nurse!

We were both soooo happy that the bf was back to normal again. Now we are in our usual bf rhythm too and the illness hadn't had the chance to cause sudden weaning. Phew.

Ds1 weaned at 19,5 months, due to lack of production during my second pregnancy (and I han't really seen it coming). At the time that just was what happened but I must admit I've mourned over not being able to continue the bf relationship or even attempt tandem nursing

. Now that I look back I find 19,5 so young to have weaned... He is now 5 but I love it when he sometimes comes and cuddle me and ds2 when ds2 is nursing in the morning and I talk to him about the time when he was nursing too

.

 

[fruitfulmomma]

I don't know much about the theory behind CLW, but I've nursed all of my children at least two years and up to four years. It has been different with each one, but my latest tandem pair are a 4mo and a 2 1/2 yo. I was having a hard time nursing toward the end of my pregnancy and was afraid she was going to wean altogether but now that the baby is a bit older she is asking for it a lot more again. Maybe 3 times a day now, where she was down to maybe once or twice a week a few of months ago. They are not long sessions, maybe 5 minutes at most but she enjoys it and it helps me when I am dripping out one side because the baby is fussing and doesn't want to eat or whatever.

She is very vocal and always tells me 'I'm hungry.', when she wants to nurse.

 

[kohlby]

DS1 was not purely child-led, he was child-respected weaning and weaned right before he turned 5 years old. He was a child who literally would nurse 24/7 if we let him. I actually started refusing him at only 11 months. So though it doesn't fall into true child-led weaning, I had to not let him nurse for my sanity since he was a comfort nurser who wanted it all the time. (By restricting him, he "only" nursed about 20 times a day at a year! And I weaned him down to about 12 times a day at 18 months!) He may not fit into the true CLW case, but since he was almost 5, I still think he's worth commenting on!

DD was the opposite. I had to offer or she wouldn't nurse. I don't offer except at bedtime anymore and she's three years old. Also, once I stopped offering so much, she started asking more! She will only nurse lying down so I'm not about to offer when I have a baby to care for too unless it's a normal lying down period. I did offer and she had to nurse standing up but it didn't work out - she had trouble getting milk nursing like that and I ended up with teeth marks. (She's been nursing only lying down since she was 4 months old since that's the only way I could get her to nurse). She nurses 2-3 times a night currently.

 

[foreverinbluejeans]

The approach is called don't offer, don't refuse and it is a very old LLL approach. It's my understanding LLL no longer promotes this idea. In a relationship with a child that is in the process of weaning there are times that it is appropriate to offer and it is appropriate to refuse.

 

[ernalala]

Quote:

Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans The approach is called don't offer, don't refuse and it is a very old LLL approach. It's my understanding LLL no longer promotes this idea. In a relationship with a child that is in the process of weaning there are times that it is appropriate to offer and it is appropriate to refuse.

Ok, thanks! I wasn't sure about the formulation, and now will change it in the op.

 

[ernalala]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kohlby ...So though it doesn't fall into true child-led weaning, I had to not let him nurse for my sanity since he was a comfort nurser who wanted it all the time. (By restricting him, he "only" nursed about 20 times a day at a year! And I weaned him down to about 12 times a day at 18 months!).

If that's the habit I could imagine refusing to bf requests, lol! Must be pretty demanding. I do know of several mothers who decided to totally wean because they felt heir children were asking for too frequent nursing, but from some of those I know its not been near anything like this often. I guess I must be grateful to my ds for creating his own 'handy' bf scheme that suits both of us perfectly well

.

I guess here, again, what counts is 'each child needs a different/personalised approach'.

 

[mom2threenurslings]

For us, I simply nurse my children when they ask to nurse and offer when I feel they need to nurse...or when I need them to nurse!

Of my five children, one weaned at five years old, one at seven years old, and I continue to nurse the other three. Dh and I always used to joke that our second child would wean before his brother because he was the one I asked to nurse more often (my first I rarely asked to nurse because he was such an avid nursling). Not only did he not wean before his older brother, but nursed 2 years longer than his older brother!!!