[marimara]

My dd is almost 4 now and we are heading into "When does she start school" territory and I'm almost always left without a good answer, short of skirting around the actual answer.<br><br>
My particular predicament is that I live in a very conservative town where almost every person who homeschools does so for religious reasons and most people take that as an acceptable reason why.<br><br>
I do not hs for religious reasons, in fact I'm a-religious. Sooooooo, I really don't want to give an long, in depth answer to this question when it comes from people who range from acquaintances to lite-friends.<br><br>
The main problem I've experienced so far is, that when hearing you homeschool, they are immediately taken aback and almost ANY answer you give them when they question why, is taken as a personal affront. Because in essence, they ARE sending their kids to public or private school and we have made completely opposite choices about our children.<br><br>
So far my answers have been:<br><br>
"I don't agree with the current public school system" = they feel attacked, because while they may agree that there are problems w/ ps they still felt it was okay enough....<br><br>
"I don't believe in institutionalizing children" = They do, so now it's awkward.<br><br>
"My 3.5 year old has a late bday and she can already read, and we all know the schools suck around here, so I can't imagine what level she'll be on when she's 6 (when she'll be eligible for K), so that's why"= Oh! well aren't you such a little braggart!<br><br>
"I don't believe that children should be locked in rooms, controlled by adults, bullied by classmates, and getting "socialized" by other kids their exact age"=(well I've never actually said this to someone <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> ) but I can imagine the wide-eyed look I'd get.<br><br>
So do you guys see what I'm getting at here? No answer is good enough, polite enough, "valid" enough. . Not that I care anything at all about other's "validity" it's just the people who usually ask me are other mothers, at playgroups, playdates, the park, etc. I need friends, I don't want to alienate people! But I'm not sending my kid to ps just to agree w/everyone else either.<br><br>
Now, I want to be true to myself, as I strive to live an authentic life. I don't feel right lying to people, or even skirting the question, because I do think that homeschoolers need more public support and that it's my duty to stand up for what I believe in, especially in front of my daughter. So where's the balance? <span style="color:#000080;">What do you say that can be inclusive <i>AND</i> sincere all at the same time?</span><br>
(I'm especially looking for answers that don't involve a reference to your faith or religion).

 

[moss]

homeschooling is what works best for ds<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[marimara]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>moss</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15366329"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">homeschooling is what works best for ds<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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Yes, I've said something along these lines, but it leaves the person asking wanting more information, and it leaves me feeling like it's a cop-out. Maybe as time goes on, I'll get so sick of answering the question I'll just say this, but I feel like maybe there's something to share about homeschooling. I mean, if the mailman or someone I don't know asks me, then yes this is what I'll say, but I mean at a playdate? Doesn't that just shut down the conversation?<br><br>
I feel like that's so easy to say online or to people you don't know but what about in real life? To real people that we may see several times a month, in a friendly setting?

 

[Shianne]

I usually say: "Both my children and I love the individualized attention they receive and the opportunity they have to learn and explore on their own vs. a classroom setting."<br><br>
or<br>
"We love the freedom it brings. They are able to experience so much more than they would in a classroom setting."<br><br>
or<br>
"Time goes by so fast. My children and I love the fact that we can be together during their most formative years to learn and explore together. This is a time we don't want to waste being separated."

 

[shoefairy3]

Our main reasons for homeschooling are:<br><br>
I wanted to be able to spend more time with my children and experience more of thier "firsts" Like learning to read, discovering something new, etc.<br><br>
Public school was not working out for our DD8. Not at all.<br><br>
We wanted the time to be able to do more things as a family. Homeschooling allows us too<br><br>
Homeschooling is what works best for us.<br><br>
Mostly my first answer though. We are a somewhat religious family and it really wasnt the main reason for us to start homeschooling.

 

[lach]

It's a question with no "right" answer, in that no matter what you say people will feel attacked. You can be honest and offensive, or say something noncommittal that it's hard to argue with. Personally, I'm a fan of the second approach.<br><br>
"Oh, there's so much teaching to the test at such a young age these days. I really wanted to avoid that sort of thing for right now. So we're going to try homeschooling and see how it goes, at least for a few years."

 

[akwifeandmomma]

When someone I don't really know asks, I typically say something like, "Learning together at home is natural. Homeschooling has just been just a continuation of the education they've had since birth, we didn't see any reason to change things." Big smile. Hope they move on.<br><br>
If they don't, and/or ask for reasons, question why I wouldn't want to send them to x "great school", pull out the socialization card, etc., etc:<br><br>
"You know, there are really SO many reasons! I could go on all day long. Why are you so curious? Are you considering homeschooling?" Another big smile.<br><br>
I want to know their intent before carrying on a lengthy conversation, yk?

 

[4Blessings]

We aren't religious so when people we are close to found out we were homeschooling they were confused. Everyone around us who homeschools is very religious.<br><br>
I usually just say that it works for us. We love the lifestyle.<br><br>
When pushed I usually make a joke about our small class size at home or our ability to wear pj's all day.

 

[zebra15]

I've been HS for 5+ years officially now and the question never dies off. Playgroups, library, other classes, that 'question' is always there. My standard reply is 'HS works for us' and I just leave it at that. Honestly if you try to be nice you end up offending and putting your foot in your mouth. There is no way to please everyone. Sometimes I add on 'we like it'<br><br>
You will get more comfortable as time goes on, I promise.<br><br>
DS is 9 and now fields some of the questions as well, it can get interesting since we unschool and there are no grades, grade levels, things like that. LOL.

 

[kittie313]

My answer is.........<br><br>
The schools failed one kid with learning disabilities, I'm not letting my other 3 kids fall to the same fate.<br><br>
Luckily, here the ps is not that good so people understand when I say that as blunt as I do. I just really hate when people question me, it seems like the only ones who ask why my kids aren't at school and then why we homeschool are those who are going to be the rude ones who insult my decision. So that statement usually shuts them up and sends on their merry little way (but if a person looks and sounds like they are genuinely interested and kind about it, then I answer with "my oldest has learning delays that require a lot of one-on-one time to learn and this was the best way for her, and the younger ones would be bored in school because they are a couple grades ahead of the game")

 

[completebeginnings]

I'm selfish and don't want to share my children's fabulousness with the rest of the world.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br>
If they really push I say I never want my children to loose their love of learning.

 

[NightOwlwithowlet]

"Have you met my son?" Then I shrug my shoulders and laugh, it works best when DS is literally bouncing place and chatting about some obscure science fact in great detail, like tsunamis, and is using his hands to make giant waves and explosions. He is so excited about learning and so loud that the idea of him in a classroom makes most people shudder.<br><br>
We were waiting a the chiropractor's and DS is reading a magazine with article about volcano and he starts out by asking me a few questions about words he can't read, but so he's yapping about lava, magma, what temperature that rock turns liquid. Pretty soon he's onto liquids, solids, and gases and he's using his hands to explain the molecules colliding and there sound effects with explosions. The lady who had asked earlier about home schooling, patted my shoulder as she walked by and said, "Bless you dear, I used to be a third grade teacher. He is excited, isn't he?"

 

[marimara]

You are all right. I guess since this is all new to me and I'm learning as I go, I'm starting to realize that whenever someone goes against the norm and talks about it with someone who is going "with the norm" it's almost impossible to not offend (not purposefully of course). I'm just hoping to find a way to do this...We all are making different decisions. I supposed it's another aspect of the mommy (or parental) wars. Every parent wants to believe their decisions are the best they could make. Gosh, this is all so difficult! Especially when it seems I'm <i>always</i> going against the stream. Since my dd was born, all my parental decisions have been against the current of mainstream parenting. I guess this is just another one...Can you tell I don't like conflict? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> But in the same vein that I don't like conflict, I also feel a deep urge to be authentic in my interactions w/people.

 

[shoefairy3]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NightOwlwithowlet</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15366627"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"Have you met my son?" Then I shrug my shoulders and laugh, it works best when DS is literally bouncing place and chatting about some obscure science fact in great detail, like tsunamis, and is using his hands to make giant waves and explosions. He is so excited about learning and so loud that the idea of him in a classroom makes most people shudder.<br><br>
We were waiting a the chiropractor's and DS is reading a magazine with article about volcano and he starts out by asking me a few questions about words he can't read, but so he's yapping about lava, magma, what temperature that rock turns liquid. Pretty soon he's onto liquids, solids, and gases and he's using his hands to explain the molecules colliding and there sound effects with explosions. The lady who had asked earlier about home schooling, patted my shoulder as she walked by and said, "Bless you dear, I used to be a third grade teacher. He is excited, isn't he?"</div>
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LOL, he sounds fantastic

 

[elizawill]

"it works for us right now".<br><br>
this is what i find myself saying most frequently if it comes up.

 

[Momma Aimee]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>marimara</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15366315"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My dd is almost 4 now and we are heading into "When does she start school" territory and I'm almost always left without a good answer, short of skirting around the actual answer.<br><br>
My particular predicament is that I live in a very conservative town where almost every person who homeschools does so for religious reasons and most people take that as an acceptable reason why.<br><br>
I do not hs for religious reasons, in fact I'm a-religious. Sooooooo, I really don't want to give an long, in depth answer to this question when it comes from people who range from acquaintances to lite-friends.<br><br>
The main problem I've experienced so far is, that when hearing you homeschool, they are immediately taken aback and almost ANY answer you give them when they question why, is taken as a personal affront. Because in essence, they ARE sending their kids to public or private school and we have made completely opposite choices about our children.<br><br>
So far my answers have been:<br><br>
"I don't agree with the current public school system" = they feel attacked, because while they may agree that there are problems w/ ps they still felt it was okay enough....<br><br>
"I don't believe in institutionalizing children" = They do, so now it's awkward.<br><br>
"My 3.5 year old has a late bday and she can already read, and we all know the schools suck around here, so I can't imagine what level she'll be on when she's 6 (when she'll be eligible for K), so that's why"= Oh! well aren't you such a little braggart!<br><br>
"I don't believe that children should be locked in rooms, controlled by adults, bullied by classmates, and getting "socialized" by other kids their exact age"=(well I've never actually said this to someone <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> ) but I can imagine the wide-eyed look I'd get.<br><br>
So do you guys see what I'm getting at here? No answer is good enough, polite enough, "valid" enough. . Not that I care anything at all about other's "validity" it's just the people who usually ask me are other mothers, at playgroups, playdates, the park, etc. I need friends, I don't want to alienate people! But I'm not sending my kid to ps just to agree w/everyone else either.<br><br>
Now, I want to be true to myself, as I strive to live an authentic life. I don't feel right lying to people, or even skirting the question, because I do think that homeschoolers need more public support and that it's my duty to stand up for what I believe in, especially in front of my daughter. So where's the balance? <span style="color:#000080;">What do you say that can be inclusive <i>AND</i> sincere all at the same time?</span><br>
(I'm especially looking for answers that don't involve a reference to your faith or religion).</div>
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We Do have a pat answer -- but it won't help you as it IS faith based:<br><br>
"we are homeschooling and will be untill we feel the boys are mature enough to be leaders and not followers, untill we feel they have a strong foundtaion in their faith and can be a light in the school. Children are only young once and no one answers to God for them but us." and SMILE<br><br>
But I would look for an easy one liner about<br><br>
"We need to meet her needs and the best way to do that right now is at home"<br><br>
My pat answer could be edited like this:<br><br>
"we are homeschooling and will be untill we feel the boys are mature enough to be leaders and not followers, untill they are strong in theirselves and confident. Children are only young once and it is such an imoprant time, with no do-overs, we feel it is best to over-see their primary years ourselves." and SMILE<br><br>
I find CONFINDENCE prevents debate more than any good answer<br><br>
Before i had my pat answer my answer differed on who i was talking to.

 

[zeldamomma]

I generally say something like "we like it." or "it works for us."<br><br>
I think giving an in depth explanation only opens you up to debate, and is more likely to come out wrong. And most people aren't actually all that interested, especially if they just wanted to talk to a cute little kid about kindergarten.

 

[lach]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>zeldamomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15366739"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I generally say something like "we like it." or "it works for us."<br><br>
I think giving an in depth explanation only opens you up to debate, and is more likely to come out wrong. And most people aren't actually all that interested, especially if they just wanted to talk to a cute little kid about kindergarten.</div>
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I was just about to say that, so I'll just <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that"> Honestly, most people who ask are just making conversation and don't really care. They care in an idle curiosity/making small talk sort of way, the way they ask if you're pregnant in a girl or a boy or what you're doing over Thanksgiving. They most likely just want to make cute conversation with a little 4 year old. Offering any sort of value judgment other than something extremely pat and universal (I said above my line is about "teaching to the test": a phrase which is so overused and common that it's lost all meaning) is just going to make it personal, and something will be said that offends them in some way or another.

 

[moominmamma]

"We enjoy the freedom and flexibility, and it's working well for us, so we're not going to fix what ain't broke."<br><br>
Miranda

 

[crunchy_mama]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Momma Aimee</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15366702"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I find CONFINDENCE prevents debate more than any good answer<br><br>
Before i had my pat answer my answer differed on who i was talking to.</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>zeldamomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15366739"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I generally say something like "we like it." or "it works for us."<br><br>
I think giving an in depth explanation only opens you up to debate, and is more likely to come out wrong. And most people aren't actually all that interested, especially if they just wanted to talk to a cute little kid about kindergarten.</div>
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I agree with both of those thoughts. Having confidence and being vague is good. Because the answers you are giving seem judgemental to me and I agree with all the reasons you listed. I don't give false info, but I don't go into details either UNLESS it is someone truly interested. It is not worth my mental energy to debate w/ anyone who disagrees- I don't care what they think. I am not trying to prove myself to anyone. Then using the pass the bean dip technique. Give a quick answer and bring up a new topic.