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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Those are the first words my father said to me when I got of the plane last week. It was followed by a laugh and an elbow nudge (because that takes away the "sting", I suppose)<br><br>
We visited family and friends all last week and I swear, all anyone could talk about was my size. These are just a few of the comments I got:<br><br>
"Ha ha, someone's got herself a booty"<br>
"Wow, you're a lot bigger than I thought you would be"<br>
"I swear you get bigger every time I look at you"<br>
"Wow, you are really puffy. Are you retaining water?"<br>
"Do all pregnant ladies need an after-breakfast breakfast?" I was eating a peach.<br><br>
and from the random guy working at the Lego store:<br>
"Are you having twins?" No. "Oh, I guess it is just going to be a really big boy." It's a girl.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
The kicker is, I didn't think I was THAT big. I have put on some weight, despite my best efforts to stay within the recommended limit, but I didn't think I looked too bad. My weight gain with this baby is nearly identical to what it was with DS and I was only about 3 lbs heavier when I started this time.<br>
Apparently I'm as a big as a flipping whale. And now I feel horrible and don't even want to leave my house.<br><br>
Why do people have to say things like this to pregnant mamas? Why is it okay? Why does my family focus on how awful I look rather than the sweet little baby I am growing?<br><br>
Sorry for the rant. I'm just feeling really sad. And fat.
 

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Aww that's so rough. I started off way overweight so no one makes weight comments. It's not ok for people to say things like that, but I can only imagine that they are so used to seeing you trim that it is a big change. Depending on who said it, I might ask my DH to ask them to shut it, privately, later, if they keep it up.
 

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omg, i'm stunned. is your family weight obsessed? sounds like they have the issue, not you. so sorry, mama. strangers saying things like that is one thing (what'er ya gonna do but walk away) but your own (supportive) family? huh uh, no way. i'd be putting my foot down.<br><br>
really mama, it's them and their own screwed up expectations and perceptions. you're entitled to put on 50lbs and swell up to the size of the sun, if that's what your body needs to do. that's really messed up. (ugh, i could rant about this all day!)
 

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That is horrible! I am so sorry that your family felt it was "funny" to make such rude comments. Some people have no tact <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
I'm always huge when I'm pregnant, no matter what my starting weight is (it was 170 my last pregnancy, 230 this time!) I get the same crap, mostly from strangers because my family knows me well enough to keep their traps shut <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> When I was 5 months pregnant with dd3 I actually had some stranger try to argue with me about whether or not I was having twins <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
I'm sorry they're being insensitive and hurting you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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That is so crappy. I'm sorry your family was so rude. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I'm sorry they were so rude to you. I'd just keep reminding them that you are gaining the same amount that you did last time you were pregnant and that you had a healthy pregnancy then so they have nothing to worry about. This is probably the amount your body needs to gain.
 

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It really astounds me what some people think they can say to pregnant women <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><br><br>
I'd love to think that I'd have some witty comment to come back at them with, but I'd more than likely just swear at them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks for all of the supportive comments, mamas. I don't get why family is so obsessed with the way people look - you wouldn't think it to look at them. They're just regular plain ol' folk, yet they always seem to notice, and comment, on the way other people look. My sister has always struggled with her weight, but no one would ever say anything to <i>her</i> because that would be insensitive and might hurt her feelings. (???)<br><br>
A friend suggested that I come up with a witty comeback directed at the commenter's physique but I just don't find any fun in that.<br><br>
I guess the great part is I was able to get back on the airplane and fly home. At least I do not have to hear any more from them during my pregnancy.<br><br>
Thanks again for the support.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momasana</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15437380"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I guess the great part is I was able to get back on the airplane and fly home. At least I do not have to hear any more from them during my pregnancy.</div>
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Well that's great!<br><br>
If you are going to see them shortly after the baby is born, your body is going to look very different then too. Throw in some post-partum hormones and if they are likely to make any comments it could have potential to be very upsetting for you. I'd send them an email, or ask your sister to, after the babe is born telling them that you'd appreciate no comments about your body shape or size.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momasana</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15437380"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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A friend suggested that I come up with a witty comeback directed at the commenter's physique but I just don't find any fun in that.</div>
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you could respond w/: well, i'm pregnant, what's your excuse?<br><br>
i know, juvenile, but it made *me* feel better on your behalf to type it, lol.<br><br>
my mom is a bit this way, she just comes from a different angle. she's way body obsessed, from as far back as i can remember (and strives to maintain her petite self) and i couldn't stand her preoccupation w/ my body when i was last pregnant. from constantly walking behind me so she could assess and point out my dissapearing waste (uh, yeah, that happens--what's your point), to squeezing my boobs because i "finally had some". (who does that?!) she was constantly asking me how much i weighed and when i told her (this was maybe second tri) that i was up to 140lbs, she was floored. i said, 'i've known you to be 140lb a time or two in your life, at least i have an excuse.' (she replied that she musta had her bra stuffed too full that day. whatev!)
 

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I used to have a button that said "I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can lose weight" but that's probably not what you're looking for <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Really, I get this from a few peeps I know and a few I don't. It's happened with every pg.<br><br>
One lady at work is in her late 70s and from the south, so she says to me last pg, in her sweet southern drawl "well you're just as fat as you can be, aren't you?" when I was about 8 mos along. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> This time about a week ago (around the half way point), she was asking me a question right at lunch and I said, "geez Fran, you're not even going to let me eat first?" And she says, "nope, honey, you don't need to eat, you're fat enough" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> Seriously lady, I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, b/c you are old, sweet and southern, but I'm about as close to cold cocking a senior citizen as I've ever been!<br><br>
I also around 9mos last time had a lady at Subway say "Gosh, you are big! Like really big. I mean HUGE" when I said I still had a couple weeks to go. My dh was like <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"> and I was like, that's nothing honey, happens all the time...<br><br>
I don't know why anyone thinks it's okay to say anything at all like this to a pg woman, but for whatever reason they do, so probably the best thing to do, is just what you're doing, let it roll off as best you can and keep on keeping on. The gift at the end will be worth all the nasty comments <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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<span>so ddcc <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> people are so insensitive i always got comments about my size when pregnant, with my dd. chloe one friend of my dads said i must be having a boy cos my backside was so fat, another asked if i was sure it wasn't quads, all i did was just glare at him, he soon shut up lol.<br>
I'm starting to get my sarcastic attitude back since splitting with my ex so if i get any rude comments with my next i may not be so polite.<br><br></span>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mcimom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15437663"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I used to have a button that said "I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can lose weight" but that's probably not what you're looking for <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
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<span>if i remember rightly my dad said something along these lines to the friend who said i looked like i was having quads.</span>
 

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DDDCing. I am sorry, people can be really insensitive <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I am sure you look great! I like being "fat"...lol
 

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I am so sorry that you had this happen. I can completely relate because I abhor comments about my body--good or bad--especially if they come from men. What is up with the general population thinking it is their task to police women's bodies? I don't hear men under the same scrutiny, nor do I see male stars' bodies plastered all over the trash mags at the supermarket. Further, I have had some of my female friends gloat when I gained weight. Seriously, I'm 21 weeks in, just hit the ten-lb gain mark (it is only my first child), and they are all like, "Whoa.. Your belly is HUGE. Wow. Turn sideways. Oh my god! You must be hungry all the time." These are the same women who sit around and look at one another and say, "Oh, I wish I had so and so's body." "Oh, I hate my thighs." I want to tell them, "Can we just quit with the body talk already and focus on the fact that the female form is magical and powerful in all of the beautiful things that it can do?" I am astounded daily (and incredibly grateful) that I get to make a life inside of me. It makes me feel sorry for my husband, who can merely stand back and wait for the day that he can feel the baby kick on the outside. Getting "fat" or not, I am the lucky one.<br><br>
Screw anyone who criticizes you. There is nothing more beautiful than that bump--the literal and physical badge of your baby-to-be. Enjoy it!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SouthernBette</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15439357"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"Can we just quit with the body talk already and focus on the fact that the female form is magical and powerful in all of the beautiful things that it can do?"</div>
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or on things that actually matter? i don't do body comments well either. (good or bad, pregnant or not) it's like, so what's your point? that affects things how? crazy culture we live in.
 

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I've been getting the same thing from my in laws and a few girlfriends and it's getting to be infuriating. I've been very petite for the last 10-15 years (not at all genetic... I work really hard at eating healthy and exercising as I was rather thick in high school and unhappy with my body...) and if I didn't know better I'd say they were <b>enjoying</b> the fact I'm not so trim and fit. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><br><br>
A couple of weeks ago my FIL said "Look at those arms! I need to get you to help me haul some stuff to the dump!" My MIL of course thought it was hilarious and kept repeating it to anyone who would listen. Finally I said, "Pretty soon my belly will be as big as you guys!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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My DH asked me to walk on his back, then proceded to make noises like I knocked the wind out of him and ask me how much weight I've gained (<7lbs at 18 weeks, btw). Are you kidding me? He then backpeddled to say it must have been because his back was so sore.
 

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DDC<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm so sorry, mama. I'm a fairly small figured mama and when I had #2 it all popped ALL OUT. What your family has said to you makes me want to cry. I realize in an odd way they are trying to relate and make small talk but that is so hurtful!<br><br>
I got to the point last pg of asking people to please think about how their words might make an expectant mama feel (like the dude saying to me "whoa, double header in there" WTF)!!!!
 
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