Mothering Forum banner
1 - 16 of 16 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
so, My daughter JUST turned 1, on the 17th, and already as soon as my inlaws found out that we are **** nursing they give me the 'look' and respond with 'what? youre not still breastfeeding...are you?" to which I reply 'well yeah, but it's not like she nurses often anymore" and they respond with 'yeah but she has teeth, and she is getting a bit old isnt she? she IS ONE'

BAH!!! I Just moved here, and havent seen them since she was a newborn, and my family back home is very supportive of extended nursing..so this is new to me. I'm not ready and neither is she ready to stop nursing yet. IT really sucks if we are there for dinner or something adn she gets fussy and wants to nurse, and I hold off so they dont think im crazy!!

how do you deal with this?

Dayna~
:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,225 Posts
The people I know who bottlefed didn't yank the bottles out of the baby's life on their first birthday.

You don't need to say anything. I know it can be uncomfortable but it doesn't really matter what they think , you are his mother.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
34,292 Posts
I like to look down at my baby on my breast and feign shock, but that's just me.


Seriously, sometimes I just say "yes" and leave it at that, sometimes I say something like "She's still a baby!", sometimes I give the other answers given here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,329 Posts
My dad asked me (not in a judgmental way, just curious) when DD was about 1 when I'd switch to "milk" (cow.) I said "Dad, she needs full-fat milk until at least 2 for brain development. I make milk that is biologically designed for her - it's species specific. Why would I give her bovine milk that's made for baby cows? But, if she starts mooing and eating grass, I'll switch her."


He laughed and said, "That makes perfect sense, I never even thought about it that way!" He turned into a very supportive lactivist and thought it was great she nursed until after 3.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
687 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by dayoshali View Post
to which I reply 'well yeah, but it's not like she nurses often anymore"
Don't feel like you need to justify nursing or play it down - you are doing what you feel is best for your LO! My in laws are like this too - no one in dh's family EVER nursed, so we're just the crazy ones...especially since dd is 2 and we have a newborn...

Like pp said - just quote the WHO recommendations and remind them that you are doing what you feel is best for your family
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,687 Posts
nosy family member: :You're still nursing?!
me: Yup
This bean dip is so good! Have you tried it?

If someone is genuinely interested or is a younger person who may be having their own kids in the future I'm willing to discuss, but nosy judgey people get short answers and topic changes.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,712 Posts
I usually go with the WHO response. I've yet to meet a person that didn't shut up. I'm sure they exist, though.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
852 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueStateMama View Post
My dad asked me (not in a judgmental way, just curious) when DD was about 1 when I'd switch to "milk" (cow.) I said "Dad, she needs full-fat milk until at least 2 for brain development. I make milk that is biologically designed for her - it's species specific. Why would I give her bovine milk that's made for baby cows? But, if she starts mooing and eating grass, I'll switch her."


He laughed and said, "That makes perfect sense, I never even thought about it that way!" He turned into a very supportive lactivist and thought it was great she nursed until after 3.


This is great! Thank you for sharing your story!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
852 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Plarka View Post
That's so annoying. I tell people the World Health Organization recommends it till 2yrs and beyond. http://www.who.int/nutrition/topics/.../en/index.html
I have told this to people as well. And I have told this to people who ask me for support b/c they knew I bf my dd for 3 1/2 years--they in turn tell that to people who bug them.

Really, why do people think this is any of their business?!? I should say, why do people think they have to right to tell anyone how long they can nurse? I make it a point to let my bfing experience be other people's business so that I may offer support. To those who judge...meh! ("meh" is my favorite new word)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
898 Posts
With the judgmental question I'd go with "Of course, the WHO recommends..." while looking at them like they have just suggested something totally ridiculous. It is difficult for people to argue with you when you look at them that way!


When I went past 2 years I thought to myself, hmm now what. Noone has mentioned it since then as I think they are afraid of my response (I know relatives think it's odd). When a couple friends with similar aged kids recently found out I was "still" breastfeeding 2.5 yo DD I made a joke about stopping long before she reached 10 or something. They asked a couple questions (I was drinking a glass of wine) and that was the end of it.

I think the best approach is to surround yourself by like-minded mamas (LLL or and AP group or something) so there are no tiny little doubts in your mind if you have to deal with judgemental family members and then you won't feel defensive about it-really helps.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,233 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by dayoshali View Post
so, My daughter JUST turned 1, on the 17th, and already as soon as my inlaws found out that we are **** nursing they give me the 'look' and respond with 'what? youre not still breastfeeding...are you?" to which I reply 'well yeah, but it's not like she nurses often anymore" and they respond with 'yeah but she has teeth, and she is getting a bit old isnt she? she IS ONE'

how do you deal with this?

Dayna~
:
Make sure you make the boundary clear to them. This is not a topic that is up for discussion. How you choose to do that is up to you. I prefer a soft-ball approach at first, just stating the WHO recs, like pp said. If that doesn't work, your DH probably needs to have a talk with them. The policy in my family is that I deal with my side and DH deals with his. That prevents anyone from looking like the evil daughter- or son-in-law.

I refuse to hide that I am nursing my LO or to make my LO go hungry because someone else has a problem with her nursing. The extended fam can keep their comments to themselves or we can just forgo visiting until DD weans. My family chose to continue visiting with their grandbaby and just hush-up about their feelings on x-bf.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,294 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by KristyDi View Post
nosy family member: :You're still nursing?!
me: Yup
This bean dip is so good! Have you tried it?
Absolutely!

OP, do not engage with these people on the topic. Do not justify, defend, bring up the WHO recommendations, anything.

Just say, "Why yes, I still am. More bean dip?"

If they continue to press the subject, just keep on offering the bean dip. Believe me, they will get the message.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,848 Posts
If you want to cite some authority figure, there's WHO until age 2 (though it actually says "2 and beyond"), and there's always the Dettwyler article on the biological norm of 2-7 years based on anthropological research.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27,052 Posts
Answers to "you're still breastfeeding?!?" that I love:
"yes"

And for people who push so hard they don't deserve polite responses:
"What? Me? No, I weaned years ago."
"No, she's playing with her toys right now."

Along with the bean-dip response another good one is "why?"

"It's not right to nurse so long!!" Why?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
868 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post
I like to look down at my baby on my breast and feign shock, but that's just me.




Am constantly floored by this response from people. Just had it this weekend by someone very concerned about the emotional scarring that breastfeeding beyond a year would do to my child....yikes....where do you start with that comment. Run away is what I did!

Once I was waiting at an airport and I was feeding my 1 yr old and a security official left her post to come and ask me if I thought since my bub ( who was 1 at the time) was so active that he was too old for the breast? I said with obvious sarcasm that since there was no soda vending machine this was my only option. SHe actually looked around for a vending machine and since there was not one, she nodded her head in agreement and mumbled something about having to do what you have to do under the circumstances!!!

Anyway, sorry but 4 kids later and I have no advice for you, just lots of empathy!
 
1 - 16 of 16 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top