zoning.........................................

i was on hold for a half hour...finally i hung up.

online it says its invalid. on automated says the same thing. why would it say that...i made over 4000 at this job since april. isn't that enough pay/months on the job to claim unemployment???

i'm so depressed....i am so tired. my mother is of no help. she is going to see her boyfriend (he is like, 49 and she, almost 62...) instead of staying around here to help me move out of the other condo i had to move out of while they renovate the building...i just need some me time. i never get it. i'm tired. i'm angry. what is the point of living by her when she isn't available to be there for me and the kids...i just don't know what to do anymore...and today i'm supposed to walk in a parade. i am SO not into that today...i have no clean clothes...including underwear. i need someone to watch my son while i go put the clothes in the laundry room...................it just never ends, my need for help. i'm starting to think i need to share a home w/ another single mama. this is ridiculous. and what's up w/ my ds waking me up thruout the night so much...my dd did the same thing. maybe i'm not nursing him enough during the daytime...i'm so tired. and this darn sore throat is killing me...i'm so annoyed today.

well this is good. my mother just called me back. she said i'm as low as when i lived in this one apt. in san francisco and would call her from my bed crying she said, saying i wasn't even taking my dog out to go to the bathroom and was just laying newspapers down for her to go...i remember that for sure. i don't recall calling my mother though...what in the world was going on then...that was before i met my then-boyfriend and i had been going to art school for photography. i remember feeling very scared and alone...i loved my little apt. though...i remember listening to madonna (would have been her CD from around 1994/1995-ray of light?) and loving that...and to sarah mclaughlin...oh how i loved that CD of hers... 'listen as the wind blows...'

i said well i have been in other funks too...not just that one...but i guess i can see what she is saying, i said...she said i can see you going down that far...i said ok. but you are not in me. but i do get what she is saying...i am in a very dark place. i told her if i didn't have kids i'd probably want to be dead. its true. that is not good. i said well i don't leave my son in his dirty diapers...not neglecting them...but oh god i need help. she said she wants to come to my next appt. w/ the psychiatric nurse on wednesday to see how we can work as 'a family' for me. that felt nice to hear. cuz i realllllly need my mom. she works f/t swing shifts but at least for a few hours she'd be at home if we lived together...

well i think my ds has pooped and so i need to change him. psycho is on tv and i don't believe i've ever seen this movie. its weird. can't figure out what is going on...

Hang in there. The night is darkest just before dawn - I think that is how the saying goes. Basically, most people give up hope just before success.

Get meds if that's what you need, and rest, and protein, and fruit for the vitamins. You are worth it! You've got to hold onto that.
I just prayed for you, too. :

I'm glad you're going to talk to the nurse to see about meds. And I'm glad for you that your mom is going with you. Does she realize how much you want her/need her to be involved and helping you right now? Yes, this will pass. It won't always be like this.