When I got pregnant with #2 (my first was 7.5 months old) and we told my husband's family, my MIL did a literal facepalm. She got over it pretty quickly though.

 

Well, with this pregnancy, I have only told DH and my mom and grandmother, since it is very very early on. For some unknown reason, when I told my mom, she said, "OH, NO!"

I was like, Why would you say that? And she said, "oh, I was just thinking of Jackson (my DS) and how it will affect him, that's all."

 

Sorry your MIL is a J@@a**. Don't let her ruin your joy.

Mine was my mother. When I told her we were expecting #2 her comment was:
"Well we will see if there is actually anything in there"

 

Ewwww.. that is a disgusting and unforgiveable response. I would wipe that shrew right out of my brain and ask DH to please udnerstand that you need to keep your distance from a person that is so toxic.

I'd deal with her politely as little as possible for DH's sake, and his sake alone.

I am SO sorry you had to be reproached by such an insensitive, rude, and stupid person.

 

What is it with MIL's and not thinking before they speak!??? Geez Louise!! I'm so sorry that you got a response like that. Totally uncalled for.
When we found out that we were pg with DS over 3 years ago, out of everyone that we told, she was the least enthusiastic about it. She came to grips with the fact that she was going to be a 'grandma' and became more excited once it got closer to my due date.

 

My MIL told everyone when we were expecting DS #1, though we specifically asked her not to, since we wanted to share the news (and we wanted to wait until we were out of the danger zone). When I told her I was expecting DS #2, she quite rudely asked "was it planned?" I just smiled and said "aren't all babies a wonderful surprise?" She didn't say anything after that.

I heard my husband calling her to tell her about currently expected baby #3. He doesn't have my presence of mind (wink), so I overheard "no, Mom, we didn't plan it." And then, jokingly, "YES, I'll go get fixed." Now I don't blame him for that, because he's never learned to smack her down. I am astounded that others feel they should know the intimate details of a couple's sex life and birth control methods, and also that they have any say in a couple's planning for children.

I do indeed feel your pain. I'm sorry, your MIL sounds like she needs major corrective boundary enforcement.

 

Oh goodness yes, I think most of the time its been a negative reaction. When dh (who was 30 at the time) announced the first one my mil turned to my fil and said "This is all your fault!" When we announced the 2nd my mil asked me, "Is this what you really want?" Never mind that she was planned.

With #5 my mil said "You know there is a way to fix that." Ugh. Heaven help me not be the mil that she is when my boys get married!

 

I had some pretty horrible reactions when I got pregnant but I was 19 so people thought they had a right to be horrible.

The worst was, by far, a random friend of my ex (biodad) who called me up when I was 7-8 months pregnant to tell me that it was not too late to have an abortion and that I was really crazy to think I could be a decent mother. I don't even know how he got my number.

Anyhow, his mother (not quite my MIL), also had an initial negative reaction. Like you, I did not know what to say. The second time she said something negative, I very swiftly and firmly told her that I was very confident in my mothering abilities and that there was absolutely nothing bad, sad or pitiful about my situation. To my greatest surprise, it worked. So, I guess my point is that perhaps you and your DH can try being a little assertive, confident and firm while being careful not to get into the emotional side of the situation and it just might work after a few tries. After all, those bossy ladies think they have the right to be so bossy because they are mothers. Show her you are one too.

 

Sounds like your MIL might have some mental health issues, cause that does seem way over the top to actually suggest not having it.

My mom is the neigh sayer for me. She has problems with us having our kids so close together, my response "You'd rather I have my kids so far apart they can't relate or hardly speak to one another like you did" She constantly says DH needs to get fixed, that I need to be on birth control, and that my body can't handle being pregnant again blah blah blah. I've learned to just tell her to stop it, we aren't discussing it and shut her down.

 

Good grief! Honey, for the sake of your pregnancy hormones, instruct your DH to keep this woman the heck away from you. She is spectacularly out of line!

I'm happy to say my family was thrilled to hear I was expecting, but my grandmother was less so when it came to my mother having babies. Mum had six of us, and with all six Grandma felt compelled to make negative comments. Either they were too close together, or Mum was in the 'wrong' country for having babies, or.. well, after number two, it was just ridiculous. (As number three, I mildly object to that). When Mum announced nervously over the phone that she was expecting number six, Grandma said simply "Oh" and didn't mention the pregnancy again for five months. Eventually Mum said "You haven't said much about the baby", to which Grandma replied "Oh well, it's a bit of a non-event, really". !!!!

Abby is now ten and adored by Grandma. We still occasionally tease her about it - Abby'll mention her birthday's coming up and we'll say "Oh well, it's a bit of a non-event, isn't it..." Maybe along similar lines you need to embroider a baby blanket that says "There's nothing good about this at all".

Better yet, a diaper cover...

 

My mom is my nay-sayer too. both times before, her first comment was, "Oh Jenny." Like I was 14 and stupid.

: Needless to say, we are waiting to tell this time round.

 

with all 4 i have ha the same reaction from my dad when i told him about my first i said "hi GRANDAD" he went "oh no your not are you!" like it was the worst possible thing to happen to me. i ws 21 at the time. my mums face fell but he gave me a hug and said if its what i wanted it was fine. thats about as nice as she has been about it.

with number 2 my dad just rolled his eyes. mum was less than impressed as i told her via e-mail as we were not on good terms at that time
with number 3 he said "oh shit your not are you" mind number 2 was only 3 months old
mum knew as soon as i called her she wa not happy but didnt say anyhing
number 4 was a strange one. i was TTC for 5 months, but was nursing number 3, we went to mums for a visit new year week 2006/7 weaned number 3, went out, got drunk, dtd, came home, a week later i get a call from my brother asking if i am pregnant again at that point i didnt know but a few ays later i POAS just to prove then wrong. boom BFP. when i called mum to tell her she told me she knew from when she dropped me off at the train station, she said i just looked diferent.

when i told them about number 5 my dad swore at me, then back tracked and apologised. my mum seemed disapointed in me but thats nothing new.

i hate it when people seem to think they can jsut be horrid about something so wonderfull.

i would rather get a bunch of phone calls (each) from my kids telling me they are expecting their 1st 2 3 4 5 9 10 12 etc babies than one phone call from one of them telling me thay have a terminal illness. when they grow up, have kids etc i will greet each time of telling with the same happieness an joy they are telling me with. if they are happy about it i will be too, if they are not i will do my utmost to help them out as best i can.
Kiz

 

With my first daughter, my step dad was so happy and excited he wondered if she would have his blue eyes or blonde hair ( he forgot we're not actually related).

With my second baby, my MIL was less than enthusiastic. Although she's birthed 6 children, she's only raised two. My husband and his sister were raised by their father, and he's not shining example of fatherhood, so that tells you how bad she is.

When my sister in law found out she was pregnant with her third (her older two were 10 and 9 at the time), her mother asked her if she would abort the baby, then told her she should.

Yeah, she's not a nice lady and that was her own daughter she was speaking to! My niece just turned 1 year old last July.

 

My MIL's EXACT words: "She's pregnant again? What if she dies - you'll now have THREE children to take care of!"

 

I'm expecting a negative response, too. When I got pg w/#3, we got a negative response from a lot of people, so I can just imagine how it will be this time. Of course, I can't be too high and mighty due to the negative response dh and I also had.

 

My inlaws are great... the more we have the more they want us to have

But my mom? Ugh. When it was #3 she said, Oh I'm sorry. Why? Because you already do everything as it is. She's so negative towards my DH that it leaks into anything else I have to say. But oh my, when we found out it was #3 and #4 together, she said, well I guess you're really stuck then.

At least my dad was elated.

 

You have every right to be upset. That was a mean thing to say.

Try to blow it off. She sounds like an arse!

Congrats on the new baby.

 

I've gotten comments mostly from my stepfather, but they don't affect me, because he's negative about every. single. thing.

I'm going it alone for the most part, but my stbxh and i are forging a partnership of sorts and are committed to being good, loving parents. I was living at my mom's and would get the constant "I don't think you're going to be a good mother, you're too selfish to have children, what are you thinking bringing a child into this world, did you consider abortion...blah blah blah.."

Why people feel that they have the right to comment on such a thing is beyond me...luckily, for both of us, everyone else loves us, loves babies, and is incredibly excited to welcome our little one in the next month or so. What did I do? Moved out of my mom's and cut off contact with step-dad....and mom doesn't blame me one bit

Best of luck. Don't let anyone take your joy away.

 

The general statement we received from family was "Oh, we're so sorry

" Umm... thanks?

I already wasn't happy about this baby so that attitude sure didn't help.

 

I would be beyond mad..and that is not hormonal. She sounds downright rotten.

Sorry to say this, but you better keep a close reign on things. Sounds like your MIL can have some negative effects on your dh and you do not need this going on. My MIl always wanted my to "prove" that she was first, including when our baby was born. It was awful and we went through years of problems over it.

((((hugs))))

 

What's wrong with people???!!! All babies are blessings!

My sister gave us the least favorable reaction this time around. I'm due July 19th and I'm in her wedding on August 1st. When we told her she didn't say congratulations (and still hasn't), she just said "Well, you'd better be at the wedding."

 

I'm sorry!
My Grandmother reacted like that! We told the whole family over Thanksgiving and called the grandparents that weren't there. I told her that "I was calling to let you know that you're going to be a great-grandma! We told the family this afternoon!"

Her response:
"OHHHH....were they Shhhoocked? Stuuunnned? Surprised??" I told her they were delighted, and got off the phone like 2 min. later. GRR!

I hope your MIL comes around soon.

 

UGH!!!! Aren't MIL's the worst???

When we told my MIL we were PG with our son (who is 2 1/2), she wasn't too thrilled, but then again DH and I weren't married yet (we got married right after ds was born). But it wasn't like we were young- I mean I was 28 when ds was born and my hubby is 7 years older!!!!

We've had some problems having another baby- 4 miscarriages, that MIL is well aware of. SO when we got PG this time and it stuck, we waited until we were in the safe zone (after 12 weeks) to tell his parents. I thought they'd be excited but they just kind of stared at us and said "really???". I was so down about their reaction.

My MIL is also all about little girls and doesn't like boys very much- it's taken her a while to warm up to ds (who is such a well-behaved little guy and so cute). A few months ago she was saying how we HAVE to have a girl this time (we haven't found out the sex), and then asked me (I kid you not) "Will you be receptive to IT if it's a boy?". My jaw fell to the floor and I didn't know what to say.

Lovely.

:

 

The reaction from my inlaws was so bad, they aren't welcome in my house until I hear the words "I'm sorry" from them.

They refused to talk about the baby. Got angry when we told extended family about the baby. DH finally said it hurt him that they didn't mention the new baby or have anything to say, & his family said they didn't care about the new baby, that it wasn't their family. Went on to say that, basically, I'm a meanie who has stolen him away from his family, I do everything I can to keep them away, & that basically Dh should get a divorce or get me in line. Also said awful things about my family. DH hasn't spoke to them since September when this happened, minus exchanging a few emails. His mother feels she was right to say these things & that I should just get over it if I don't like it. His dad basically thinks it's just me who has a problem with them, when of course Dh is hurt & offended as well, & that DH should continue his relationship with them, bring our children to visit them, etc., & just leave me at home. DH told them he doesn't want to hear anything from them until they can say they're sorry. But, that hasn't happened. Obviously. DH & his dad have exchanged a couple emails over time, where his dad talks about everything under the sun from his rental units to SIL's dogs, but still refuses to ask about the baby. Didn't ask anything when DH flat out told him, "It hurts me that you've still never asked about the pregnancy or even what we're having." FIL STILL didn't ask anything. They don't know when I'm due or what we're having.

I'm sorry she hurt you. I know how much it hurts & I can tell you from expierence that you just don't get over it. But try to find your own happiness in it & if she wants to have that attitude, it's her missing out on all the wonderful things this pregnancy & new baby is bringing to the family.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by JFTB1177 "Will you be receptive to IT if it's a boy?". My jaw fell to the floor and I didn't know what to say. Lovely. :

How about, "No, actually, we'll probably just leave it for the wolves"? What ARE people thinking? Actually, she was probably thinking, "Will I be receptive to IT if it's a boy?"