He's so young, mama, I really wouldn't worry yet. Your instincts tell you that he's itty-bitty and you shouldn't worry about developing sleep habits yet, and I think you should listen to your instincts. When people give you a hassle about it, I would say something like, "I'm not worried; he's very young, and besides I love snuggling him while he sleeps," or something like that.

My anecdote: Cecilia would not sleep anywhere but on me until about 4 months old. Every now and again I'd try putting her in her swing, swaddled, and she'd only stay asleep for maybe 10 minutes. Around 4 months, though, that increased to 20-30 minutes. Then it kept increasing and increasing until around 5 months she was sleeping for hours in her swing, and even starting her night's sleep in there (we cosleep). So my advice is to take it slowly, don't stress too hard over it, and keep trying regularly until it works.

 

DS, 13 weeks, will fall asleep (and stay asleep) in his swing but only if I put a blanket over him. I think the breeze wakes him up. At night though he will not sleep without me.

Every baby is different though. I think the best thing to remember is that nearly everything is a phase. There was a time when we couldn't get DS to sleep without playing a specific list of lullabies... the WHOLE NIGHT! That one playlist repeated itself over 300 times before we were able to get him to calm down and sleep without it. Of course now he's conditioned to it and gets drowsy whenever its played, lol. I reserve it for difficult nights though like if we miss his evening nap.

 

I haven't had time to read your whole post but as far as putting baby down alone to sleep, I have gone back and forth and back and forth, etc. She started bed sharing at night with us because I was so tired when trying to nurse sitting up 2-3 times a night I was afraid I would fall asleep sitting up and then drop her, but then I started getting it into my head that it was unsafe to bed share so then I battled her and myself to get her back in her crib only to then miss her in the middle of the night and bring her back into bed with us.....haha. So, anyway, I have definitely learned to just go with our own flow. I have also gone back and forth about pumping and bottling her when out vs. nursing in public. Putting myself on a pumping schedule just gave me way too much stress.



I find the less you discuss your choices with others the better and less stress u feel.

 

I forgot to mention that DS is not a fan of his swing...and we have a portable front-to-back one and a hand-me-down papasan cradle swing. Usually he cries after 10 min if we put him in it, like anything else (I assume he gets bored and wants held). We have gotten to sleep alone maybe 3 times in a swing but only if he is awake first, and it is not consistent. He has to be pretty tired and we have to sit with him for a while, and sometimes I just think I might as well put him in the carrier and have him pass out for his sake rather than dragging his sleepiness out.

 

That's how Cecilia was too, at first. It just took time.

I'm not saying for sure that the same will happen for you, just offering an anecdote that shows that babies do change their sleeping habits even past the 3 month mark.

 

I had DD on a routine but it wasn't strict and it was more based off of her. The only thing I did was try to be consistent in certain areas. When it was bed time I would nurse her, change her and we would cuddle then she would cuddle with daddy and I would lay her down. If she stayed down that was another thing but I wanted to at least try to get some form of routine going. I tried to get her down before the over tiredness kicked in. Outside of that I don't have much of a routine.

Now at 6 months she has pretty much chose her own schedule and I follow it to a certain extent. Like she wants to sleep at 7 but will only sleep for 30 minutes then she will be up way later. And so I try to keep her up till at least 745 but most nights its 8-830. I go to bed at 9.

I say routines and schedules are fine as long as they aren't set in stone. And who cares what others say. Of course if you drive your child to sleep, rock them to sleep they won't want change its routine and comfort for them.

 

You are doing a great job

Try not to let others comments bother you too much. I know that's hard when it's someone you are close to though. When your little one is ready to go to sleep by himself or to sleep alone, you will know because you listen to him and meet his needs. It happens at different times for different baby's.

With my own son, I noticed many changes between 13-16 months. He went from being carried for naps to sleeping in the family bed alone (nursed to sleep). At first I could leave him for ten minutes, then it progressed to over an hour. At which point, I could nurse him back down and he may sleep a couple more 45 sleep cycles. Forcing him to nap on his own though before he was ready would not have been comfortable and peaceful for him nor for me. I know because I tried. When he awoke distraught I knew I had done wrong and went back to fulfilling his needs until he was ready.

You are sensitive, responsive and attentive. You follow your baby's cues and your own maternal instincts. Others had the chance to raise their children the way they saw best, but now it is your turn with your own child.

 

my experience with my DS1 was opposite of what people IRL are telling you. i followed his lead and waited until he was "ready" for transitions (like napping alone instead of on me (4 mo), falling asleep laying beside me rather than being rocked (9 mo), and eventually nightweaning and moving to his own bed (19 mo)) and they went very smoothly. Now with my second, I see how fast this time goes (the snuggly baby time) and i don't want to rush it so much.. i it is working for you, keep doing it. you are doing a great job mama! the first year really goes by SO fast, and soon he will be running around exploring the world and have no interest in being held enjoy it while it lasts.

 

Good for you for listening to your baby I totally understand your worries...just the other day my MIL made a comment to me about how I nurse or rock my DD to sleep and how "I was going to run into problems later!" It really bothered me initially and I kind of had a meltdown to my DH because when I return to work she will be the one to care for DD periodically when we are at work (we both work shiftwork), and I was worried she would resent my baby for being "so much work." After much thought, I don't care anymore what she thinks or what other mamas' negative opinions are about my own choices. I love listening to my baby. I don't resent having to parent her to sleep. Every babe is different and only us mamas know them best. Other mothers should keep their opinions to themselves, UNLESS you ask for it. Keep following your instincts Mama!

 

I also applaud you for following your gut and listening to your baby's cues. My son is 4 months old, and during his first 12 weeks or so, he would not nap at all if he wasn't sleeping on me. I'd nurse him, and the moment I would laid him down in his pack and play, he'd wake right up and want to play/nurse/fuss again. I found it easier to just let him sleep on me, and if I had to get up and eat/pee/do laundry, I'd do it as fast and possible and run back to him before he got too upset. It was definitely exhausting. Luckily, things did get better as he got a little older and realized that it was okay to sleep in his pack and play, if he knew I was in the same room as him. Babies definitely go through a hundred stages, I've learned, and every baby goes through them at a different time and a different pace. Being a new mama myself, I can't offer a wealth of experienced advice, but I can say that swaddling, shushing, patting, and singing definitely helped.

Hang in there! You're doing a great job. I've found everyone has an opinion on how to raise children, and everyone is going to try and give theirs to you. Just know that you are doing what is best for you and your child. If your baby is happy and healthy, I'd say you're on the right track.

 

My theory on habits and peoples opinions about them is that it depends on what kind of parent they are and what kind of babies they have/had. I think there are a couple of different scenarios:

1) Parents who pride themselves on not creating bad habits who actually just had easy sleepers. My sister's kids are like this - not the prideful part, I mean, just that her kids have all been those fairy tale babies who STTN at 10 weeks old. These babies take to going into the crib awake in stride, and it doesn't phase them, and it has little to do with the parent's actions. (FWIW, my sister nursed her kids to sleep at a young age so obviously that has nothing to do with it. She stopped nursing them to sleep when they stopped needing it.)

2) Parents who pride themselves on not creating bad habits who were willing to go to any length to have their babies fall asleep on their own - CIO, full on extinction method, shut the nursery door and don't go to them until morning. And who cares what they think, because they are insane.

3) Parents who have babies that just demand to be nursed/rocked/snuggled to sleep. Mine's like this. I didn't create this habit; in fact, it's not a habit - it's a NEED. He's 7.5 months old and doesn't STTN (not even close) because that's just the way he's wired, not because he was nursed to sleep at 6 weeks old or because he's always responded to in the night. And he is the happiest, smilingest, most social little guy you could ever met. Loves people, loves to go new places and see new things, and fears very little. My friend's daughter who they did full on extinction with is a very clingy 15 month old who **** isn't walking. Yes that's totally anecdotal but it sure does make you think.

Keep on listening to your instinct, it's there for a reason! Like everyone's said, you're doing a great job mama!

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

my experience with my DS1 was opposite of what people IRL are telling you. i followed his lead and waited until he was "ready" for transitions (like napping alone instead of on me (4 mo), falling asleep laying beside me rather than being rocked (9 mo), and eventually nightweaning and moving to his own bed (19 mo)) and they went very smoothly. Now with my second, I see how fast this time goes (the snuggly baby time) and i don't want to rush it so much.. i it is working for you, keep doing it. you are doing a great job mama! the first year really goes by SO fast, and soon he will be running around exploring the world and have no interest in being held enjoy it while it lasts.

I totally agree with this....our society tends to want to rush babies to grow up. Just cherish the moments with your little one.

 

Funny thing- in the 5 days since I've posted this, we've been able to put our son down on his own for naps at least once a day. It just happened, practically right after I posted. We tried it one day, it worked since. At first I put pillows next to him so he'd think it was me, and now we don't even need to do that. The key is that he is a stomach sleeper. And so I watch him like a hawk.

And another funny thing- now that I know I can put him down, when he takes long naps on his own (like he's doing now, going on hour #3...), I miss him! But it is SO nice to have the option. Now I feel as though I can hold him for naps if I'm not needing to do anything at the moment, and if I need to eat/pee/cook/whatever, I can (hopefully) put him down while I do what I need to do. Bliss.

 

AHHHHHH!!!! I feel like I could have written this post!!! My son is 5 mos and I'm really struggling with the balance of trusting my instincts and following baby's lead, like you said, and really just always feeling like I'm defensive around everyone else who is saying that we need to be sleep training and that he is old enough to go to bed without being soothed. It's really tough and i feel like I'm my own worst enemy as far as caring about what everyone else thinks. My son doesn't fall asleep in his carrier but I definitely feel like we aren't consistent about what time he actually goes down for naps and bedtime. It's really when he gets cranky, although at night I am trying to establish a set of things I do to signal bedtime (pjs, story, rocking chair, dim lights).

With naps, I really just started paying attention to when he was getting fussy as a cue to me that he needed to take a nap. He only naps in his pack n play (or our bed) and he functions really well with a blankie to touch and his mobile. He used to take these great long naps like you describe but lately, he's been taking super short naps (like 30-60 min). Which can be slightly frustrating if I wanted to get something done .

So thanks for this thread! I keep reminding myself to relax and just let him be a baby so this was good to read (man. If I hear one more person tell me to let him just cry it out at night... I'm sure you know!)

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleBirdy

I didn't create this habit; in fact, it's not a habit - it's a NEED.

Most babies, especially in the first few months, NEED to sleep next to their mamas. Think about it; it makes sense. They were just recently thrust out of the womb: 24/7 warmth and full body contact. Everything in life is new to them. Evolutionarily, a baby sleeping alone would not survive way back when, kwim? It's hardwired into them to need that security of mama in order to let go into sleep.

Really, I think it's kind of absurd the way so many people expect a small baby to fall and stay asleep all alone.

If you just keep trying and experimenting, eventually your baby will be able to sleep without you right there. Your instincts are correct!

 

Quote:

I find the less you discuss your choices with others the better and less stress u feel.

Heavens to betsy, if it's not one thing, it's another. I wish I knew what it was about women that made us criticize and judge one another like we do! If it's not sleep, it'll be breastfeeding or pacifiers, or shoes and socks, or food, or sippy cups or diaper type. Blah blah blah, it drives me crazy.

I also vote, not to worry momma, you are doing a fine job!! He is still very small. It really is OK to help him sleep. I have rocked DS to sleep every night of his 13 month life. And he now sleeps through the night. I didn't teach him or train him, he just started doing it. I also agree, that every baby sleeps differently. Sounds to me like you have figured out a system that works for you guys. Just follow his cues and he will let you know when his is ready/needs something new

 

You're doing awesome!

Just a personal thought/observation: Our babies are hypersensitive to our energy and emotions. I've found that if I resent the moment (i.e. baby still awake at 11:30pm) it seems to make things drag out and persist. The old what you resist persists. If I just happily accept (AMAP) where she's at things go much smoother....

So keep listening to those cues and being the best mom ever to YOUR child!

 

For me, I'm hoping DS is resilient enough and takes well enough to sleeping on his own at least some of the time, because I have to go back to work when he's 6 weeks old, and don't want it to be any harder on him than it has to be. I hardly put DD down at all in the first weeks, but DS I keep at least attempting to--but refuse to make him CIO and respond quickly if that's not where he wants to be. My first was totally the "I will sleep anywhere as long as I'm touching mama" baby. I've known AP parents with babies who were "I will sleep nowhere but my crib and don't touch me or I will wake up, and forget me napping on the go." I really think the baby's temperament regarding sleep forms early, and often as not any parent that follows cues will not get the same result twice.