Honestly? I found it was best to just answer it if at all possible, even looking up stuff I did not know. While it is frustrating at inconvenient times there is a very positive side to this. Each is a learning opportunity and shows that he is developing well and exploring his world. My son is 5, and constantly wants to know things. This has lasted for more than three years. Whenever it gets grating I remind myself that he is learning, absorbing and that I'd rather cultivate his love of learning. Heck, I've even learned some things. It's a reminder to slow down and wonder too!

That said, it is trying at times. I totally understand how hard it is. But the alternative to answering the questions is sadder and more difficult in time- a loss of interest or feeling like you can't get a real answer from your parent. It might be helpful to try and nudge him towards asking in full sentences rather than chanting why why why. Same thing, but for some reason less annoying.

 

He sounds very bright. Have you tried turning the question on him so you are at least having a dialogue? Like:

Boy: Why do dogs bark?
You: Why do YOU think they bark?
Boy: To talk to each other?
You: Yes, I also think they bark to communicate. Why else might they bark?
Boy: Because they are hurt?
And so on.
I sometimes do this because it is always more entertaining than me just answering (which I also do sometimes).

 

My twins are waaaay into "why?" right now, too. They especially love to ask the same question over and over and want the same answer over and over and are quick to remind me of any part I left out. I, too, have looked up answers or had them call people we know who might know the answer. It drives me batty, too, and I've said, "I've had enough "why" questions for now. You can ask me more later." from time to time. I feel like understanding where they are coming from with the questions helps.

Oh, and for my two, bouncing it back on them *never* works. They want to hear my answer.

I did hear one of my girls tell the other why bees have "stingers," a question we called my Dad about and she'd clearly understand and internalized the answer and that made me happy. They're listening and learning, even if they're going to ask me 375 more times why bees have stingers.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by kijip Honestly? I found it was best to just answer it if at all possible, even looking up stuff I did not know.

I'm fine with doing this for the initial question, but all the follow-up "whys" drive me batty. A typical conversation with my DS goes like this:

DS: Why is that bus driving on the road?
Me: It's taking the children to school.
DS: Why is it taking the children to school?
Me: That's just one way that kids can get to school -- sometimes their parents drive them, sometimes they walk, sometimes they ride the bus ... can you think of another way a kid could get to school? [that's me trying to engage him in a non-why conversation

]
DS: Why is that just one way that kids can get to school?

And on and on -- it doesn't matter how in-depth of an answer I give, he'll just continue asking why to whatever I say. At some point, there just isn't an answer anymore. And sometimes I can tell that he isn't really thinking about our conversation -- he's just in "why" mode and isn't really absorbing my answers.

When he shows true interest in something and I can tell he's soaking up the information, I'm more than happy to get reference materials and really give him some deep information about the subject, but I'm not going to expend a huge amount of energy delving into the answers when I can tell he's just asking out of reflex.

 

Your ds sounds very much like our ds. He would get furious when I tried to turn the questions back to him.

The follow up whys would sometimes reach the point of absurdity for us too. I would usually end the conversation with one of four replies:

1. I don't know, that's a good question.
2. Why what? That was particularly good for follow-up whys because it made him articulate his question more.
3. Because that's how it is.
4. I need a 5 minute break from WHY! I've had enough for now and I need to think about something else. (And yes, this was inevitably followed by "why?"

)

I realized far too late that sometimes "why" didn't really mean "why?" but was a stand in for -- "I need more information, but I don't know how to ask." For example:

Ds: What's that water over there?
Me: That's the river.
Ds: Why?
Me:

: - does he mean: Why is it a river? why is the river there? how do I know it's a river? Why is it a river and not a lake?

He's 7 now, and I only have to ask for breaks from why questions about once a month as opposed to daily. Literacy does have some advantages -- I can tell him to go look it up himself!

 

The follow up whys would sometimes reach the point of absurdity for us too. I would usually end the conversation with one of four replies:

1. I don't know, that's a good question.
2. Why what? That was particularly good for follow-up whys because it made him articulate his question more.
3. Because that's how it is.
4. I need a 5 minute break from WHY! I've had enough for now and I need to think about something else. (And yes, this was inevitably followed by "why?"

)

Thanks for these. I do # 1 and #3, to great consternation, but I think "why what?", and "I need a break from 'why?'" might really help.

Thanks to everyone for the perspective. It helps me to remember they are all information gathering in this big new to them place called Earth.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by f&p'smama Oh, and for my two, bouncing it back on them *never* works. They want to hear my answer.

One of my son's 3-year old cousins had this exchange with his mom:

"Why?"
"Why do you think?"
"Um..............don't want to think!"

 

It can definitely be draining, but, as the other posters have said, I try to answer as much as I can b/c this is how they learn and process information. Sometimes I think my son is just asking "why?" to ask and is not really listening, but then he will say something later in conversation (sometimes days/weeks later) that lets me know that he was actually listening during a marathon "why?" session. Your son sounds pretty sharp and ready to have his mind filled up with more information.

 

My dd does this too. I just answer all of her questions to the best of my ability. When it gets to the point of making me crazy, with questions i have already answered 150 times, i will make up the most rediculous answer i can think of, just to see if she is paying attention. That usually starts another round of "why's" though. I think it is fun most of the time.

 

I will answer whys as long as it's fun for me, but after maybe 10 or so, I'll often say I don't know, or, I'm tired of answering questions right now, Mommy needs a break.

 

My DD1 was so into the "whys"!! Now, at 4 1/2, she's slowing down a bit. To an extent, I was okay with it, but when it got to "why is that a tree?" I just wanted to yell "Because it's a freakin' tree and that's all there is to it!!!" Of course, I didn't say that, but boy, I wanted to.

My mother suggested that perhaps she just wanted to be engaged in a conversation and asking "why" was the only way she knew to keep the dialog going (indefinitely). So, if she asked "why" I would answer her immediate question and them really really quickly (like a ninja) segue into a meaningful conversation that I could tolerate. It seemed to work when I had the energy to do it. Example:

DD: Why is that a tree?
Me: Because a bigger tree dropped a seed and it sprouted and grew into a tree. What do you think would grow from an apple seed?
DD: An apple tree?
Me: I think so too. Would you like to try it with the seeds from your lunch apple?
DD: Oh yeah! Can we try it when we get home?
Me: Sure, if we have all we need to plant a seed. What do we need to plant a seed?
DD: We need a pot and dirt and water and a seed.
Me: I think we have those things. What else to we have in the house that has seeds that we can plant?
and on and on (and on and on)...

It's not as irritating as answering "why" questions, but still takes energy and sometimes I am seriously lacking in that department.

 

Sometimes when DD was stuck in "why" mode and asking questions that didn't make sense, instead of trying to answer the question, I would just start talking about whatever the subject was. So if she asked, "Why is that a tree?" I might spout a bunch of facts about trees. She generally seemed satisfied with that.

 

my dd is 4 and while she does ask why her big thing is asking us about what we are going to do over and over and making me tell her over and over.... it drives me batty. She will totally lead me into it too, then i realize Ive answered this 100 times already!!! aaargh...

Like... so what are we doing tonight? where are we going? and then what are we going to do? and then what? LOL

 

I use some of the other responses, but I've also realized that often my ds doesn't want to know "why" so much as "how do you know that".

So if a sensical "why" is followed up with a nonsensical one I'll usually ask back "do you mean how do I know?" and he usually says yes. Then I'll explain "how" I came to the answer - read it in a book, prior experience, etc.

Did that make sense?