I am a single SAHM with a one year old dd.... Occasionally I call a service to do the heavy cleaning, but I manage to happily clean my own house with a toddler in tow on a weekly basis. (And I am in college full-time online...)

Cleaning the house myself allows us to use the weekends for quality family time (including time with her dad). We have been doing this since before my dd's dad & I split because he always worked long hours and I did not want to waste precious family time or spend the weekly cost on a service.

That said I know families that wake up and clean the house "together" each Saturday morning. You have to decide what works best for your family... and how you want to spend your weekends.

 

I woh PT, so not a FT sahm... but I don't think any*one* person in the house should do ALL the housekeeping.
Even when I was single, the kids were expected to clean up after themselves, to a certain extent as much as they were able. Same with DP... he lives here, he should have to pick up after himself and the kids.

I do most of the "cleaning" and laundry because I'm home more, but I stop short of being solely responsible for the upkeep of the house. We all pitch in, as much as our abilities and time allow us to.

 

I do dishes, cleaning the floors, and bathroom. My husband does laundry and takes the trash out (supposedly...he seems to forget alot!). The only thing I hate is laundry so I'm glad he does it(we live in an apartment building so we have to be running down stairs and up stairs a lot and its too difficult with DD). He sometimes does dishes before he goes to work because he's home all morning. If I start getting really behind on the house work, then we'll do it together.

I'm NOT staying at home to CLEAN house. I'm staying at home to be with my CHILDREN! (or child..only have one at the moment). I can't stress that enough. My husband understands that and supports me by helping me to do some of the work. I don't keep a crazy spotless house. I wouldn't spend more then two hours cleaning a day either and that includes picking up after meals.

DH already said that whenever our budget allows, we'll get a cleaning lady. (We're both young students so right now its out of the question.)

 

I believe that a large part of mothering is maintaining a home for your family. That includes the fun stuff (decorating!) and also the not so fun stuff (scrubbing toilets).

I would never expect my husband to dust or to vacuum. Certainly I should not have to pick up after him, but the cleaning is my job. I would get upset if someone else did it.

 

you're not delusional. everybody messes the place up, so everybody helps clean it. at least that's how it works in my house!

 

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Originally Posted by holothuroidea I believe that a large part of mothering is maintaining a home for your family. That includes the fun stuff (decorating!) and also the not so fun stuff (scrubbing toilets). I would never expect my husband to dust or to vacuum. Certainly I should not have to pick up after him, but the cleaning is my job. I would get upset if someone else did it.

I am a fulltime student, and am at home the rest of the time. I do most of the housework and childcare, because of my husband's crazy hours.

However....

I do expect my husband to vacuum, dust and do laundry and dishes, when I need him to do so. I have sons and they also have chores. I want my husband to be an example, not teach my sons that housework is "women's work".

If it is not demeaning for me to clean a toilet, why should it be too "low" for my husband to do the same?

Now, I am not dissing your way, Mama. If it works for you, then go for it. But, I am bound and determined to teach my sons how to care for a home.

 

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Originally Posted by holothuroidea I believe that a large part of mothering is maintaining a home for your family. That includes the fun stuff (decorating!) and also the not so fun stuff (scrubbing toilets). I would never expect my husband to dust or to vacuum. Certainly I should not have to pick up after him, but the cleaning is my job. I would get upset if someone else did it.

I agree with this, for the most part. I think a big part of my job as an at home wife and mother is to keep a home. I expect my husband to rinse his dirty dishes, put his dirty clothes in the hamper, that kind of thing, but the every day stuff is my job. I do not EXPECT him to do any of it. That doesn't mean he doesn't sometimes send me up to bed with the baby while he cleans up. And when I am sick and pregnant, he does a lot to help. But that is because he loves me and likes to take care of me.

 

No, I don't think I should be the only one who does housework. I think part of my role in our family is to manage things like cleaning and housekeeping duties, which often involves delegating things to my partner and my son. My husband is happy to help out when asked but he doesn't take a lot of initiative without me making a little list for him.

I also think it's good modeling for my son to see all of us pitching in to make our home run smoothly. But I know there are a lot of different ways to do it and this is just what works for us.

 

My husband does half of the housework.

 

No, in my opinion a SAHM's first priority is caring for the children. Since my kids are young, that doesn't leave me a lot of time for housework during the day. I do the majority of the cooking, all the laundry, vacuuming/sweeping, and the bathrooms. But dh does dinner dishes almost every day and we pay a housekeeper once a week to get everything cleaned up at the same time.

Once my kids are older and can chip in a little more--and don't need the same level of constant attention--I expect that I will have more time for housework.

My goal every day is to get as much done as I can, without sacrificing the needs of my kids, before dh comes home. That way we can all relax together in the evenings.

 

My dh does half the housework, too. It's been stated many times, but here's the way to think about it:

When dh is away all day, he's working

When I'm at home all day, I'm working

When he comes home at the end of the day, the "work" here at home doesn't magically go away. We share it. Whether that's cleaning or parenting.

There are certainly things I do that he doesn't, simply because I have the time and it's not a hardship (cooking, grocery shopping, laundry). But cleaning the house? That's a shared responsibility.

 

We do a split, it OUR house. Plus my DH is a crazy cleaning machine, pregnancy was what got me even close to his speed. I do keep up with many thing during the day, but having a toddler rampaging through everything the house can get a little dirty(mostly it's just toys)DH cleans those up when DD and I go to bed, otherwise it's futile. I do almost all the cooking, the dishes, bathroom cleaning. DH vacuums and dusts, he always has even as a kid. I shop and run the house, it works for us.

 

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Originally Posted by zinemama When dh is away all day, he's working When I'm at home all day, I'm working When he comes home at the end of the day, the "work" here at home doesn't magically go away. We share it. Whether that's cleaning or parenting. There are certainly things I do that he doesn't, simply because I have the time and it's not a hardship (cooking, grocery shopping, laundry). But cleaning the house? That's a shared responsibility.

I agree with this! I also like to fit cleaning in during the day when it's just me home (like if ds is at preschool or at a friend's house) so we can get it out of the way, along with errands and what not.

A good friend of mine and her dh have split the workload in such a way that she is often running from sun-up until sundown, then up during the night for nighttime parenting, while her dh works a 40 hour week and then comes home to "kick back" with plenty of time for friends, golf, and watching sports. yikes!

 

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Originally Posted by zinemama My dh does half the housework, too. It's been stated many times, but here's the way to think about it: When dh is away all day, he's working When I'm at home all day, I'm working When he comes home at the end of the day, the "work" here at home doesn't magically go away. We share it. Whether that's cleaning or parenting. There are certainly things I do that he doesn't, simply because I have the time and it's not a hardship (cooking, grocery shopping, laundry). But cleaning the house? That's a shared responsibility.

Yup! And if I *hired* someone to take care of my children, I would expect them to be taking care of my children unless I pay them more to also take care of the house (beyond picking up after themselves throughout the day) -- otherwise, I'd feel as if I were taking advantage of the caregiver and shortchanging my children. And honestly, I would almost rather pay one person to take care of the children, and another to do the heavy housecleaning.

 

No, I do not believe that just because a woman is a SAHM (or a man a SAHD), she/he should be expected to do all the housework.
I think it makes sense for most SAHP to do most of the housework, unless it's just not working for them. But I think it should just be about what that person can get done in a day. Not what they are expected to do, or have to do. And I do not think that the other partner has any right to complain about anything that's not done. If it's that important to them, they can do it themselves.

I do a lot of housework. I do all the cooking and dishes. When dp is hungry and it's not mealtime, he gets his own meal (even though I'd generally be happy to do it, he never asks me to). I do all the laundry. I vaccuum and clean the floors (not often enough, but if it's dirty enough to bother dp, he does it. If it's not bad enough for him to do it, he just waits until I do it. lol).
We both pick up toys etc, maybe I do more of it.
We both declutter/straighten up stuff. I'd say dp does more of this than I do.
He does the majority of the grocery shopping.

He plays with ds whenever he's home and not busy or sleeping.

He does the trash, picks up dog poo, and does the vast majority of yard work. I help if I'm in the mood.

For us, its based on who prefers doing certain "chores" and who's better at it. He doesn't like to cook, wash dishes, or do laundry, so I do it. I'm not very good at straightening up/decluttering because I get overwhelmed, so he does it.

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Originally Posted by zinemama My dh does half the housework, too. It's been stated many times, but here's the way to think about it: When dh is away all day, he's working When I'm at home all day, I'm working When he comes home at the end of the day, the "work" here at home doesn't magically go away. We share it. Whether that's cleaning or parenting.

yeah, that.

 

Should SAHMs do all the housework? Hell, no! Nor should they do all the parenting. I cook, clean, do laundry, childcare, etc during the day but when DH is home I expect him to help out to keep OUR house clean and functioning and pay attention to our children's needs. We're a team with the same goal--a happy, healthy family living in a peaceful home.

 

I don't think so. My M-F day job is child care. My husband's is working out of the home for pay. Everything else is split 50/50. I can't imagine it any other way. I can't imagine his responsibilities being less after having kids.

 

I agree with the idea that it's whatever works for your family. It's all about compromise and teamwork.

I do mostly all the housework by choice because I have an independent only child and I have lots of free time. DH does pitch in often, he'll do his own laundry sometimes, he does the dishes once or twice a week, he cooks when I don't feel like it. I do all the heavy cleaning (bathroom, floors, rugs, beds...) except he washes the windows (I hate this for some reason). If I was super busy with children requiring more of my attention I would ask for more help on the cleaning front. I feel like DH works really hard to take care of us, so I try to work hard to take care of us as well.

 

OP, I'm curious about why you're asking. What are your DP's expectations? Do they mesh with your own? That's the most important thing -- there's no "right" answer to your question, but if two partners agree on the answer, then things will be a lot more harmonious than if they don't agree.

Luckily DH and I agree that we share parenting/household responsibilities during evenings and weekends, so we don't have any resentment surrounding those issues.

 

Honestly my job as a SAHM is to take care of DS, cleaning is secondary and not my main job. I do try to clean up after him, but general house cleaning is not only my responsibility. If I was paying a Nanny I won't expect them to clean my house, if I was working full time and DS was going to daycare, cleaning the house would be my and DH's responsibility together. Therefore, since I am a SAHM cleaning is still DH and my responsibilities.

When I have time and I can get DS to let me do stuff, I will clean some, but DH doesn't expect me to keep the house clean while watching DS. He and I both agree it is our responsibility and who ever is able cleans when they can.

 

I am a SAHM. I do all housework except the garbage. I do all cooking, laundry and dishes. I have a 2.5 year old and a 4.5 month old. Its really not that hard to get it all done. I do it when the baby naps. The toddler can either help out or play alone. Her choice. I get it all done by the time my dh gets home from work except for dinner dishes. I figure he works outside of the home from 7-5, I work inside the home from 7-5. My job is child care and the house. I don't think its bad that I do the housework. Kids need to learn about household tasks. They learn by seeing me do them. Now, if the housework became so overwhelming that I had zero time to play with the toddler, I would tell dh he has to help. I don't see issue with kids learning how to run a house and even helping out. Real life isn't all fun and games. I do expect dh to pick up after himself and help pick up after the toddler when he is here. I am not a maid.

 

We both help each other around the house, now that I just quit working my dh still helps the same way he used to help. Nothing has changed

He still bathes the girls when he gets home from work and when he wakes up to go to work he makes breakfast for my 5 year old and takes her to school. I do her hair though, he still hasn't mastered on hair braids or do's yet lol!!!!!!! Last night he cooked

I get my kids to help around too, and they love doing so!

There is a nice quote that goes:

"To maintain a joyful family requires much from both the parents and the children. Each member of the family has to become, in a special way, the servant of the others." ~Pope John Paul II

 

I want to add, that as the mother of three soon to be four boys, I find it very important that they see that housework is a team effort, not divided along gender lines or based on who is working outside the home. There are certain things that I do more often than Dh either because I'm here or because I do it better or like it better (and vice-versa), but in general, we split it and encourage the boys to participate. And I don't think that there is any chore that neither of us *never* does.

It's funny because I had to learn my team work attitude from Dh's family. My mom WOH, AND did everything in the house. She gave us jobs to do, but in general was such a perfectionist that we never really learned to participate (better to have her upset because we hadn't done anything than to do it and do it "wrong"). In Dh's family, his mother mainly takes care of the house and babysits, and his dad mainly WOH and takes care of the farm, but they're both able to pitch in and do whatever as needed, and I've seen them do that often. And their children were always expected to do the same. So, Dh has no qualms about doing whatever/whenever. It's EVERYBODY'S job to keep a sane house and keep things healthy financially, to the extent that it's possible with young kids and busy schedules. In the 11 years that we've been married, I've definitely heard "slow down and take a break" from my Dh much more often than anything to the contrary.

 

Each SAHM and household is different. You have to find what works best for you. My husband works 2 jobs (one FT, 8-4, M-F job; one PT, sets his own evening hours 3x/week merchandising job) so I can SAH so I personally feel that I *should* be responsible for the majority of the house upkeep. DH does have his "duties" he's responsible for -- he is my dishwasher after all

and also does the recycling, trash and any house maintenance duties.

Having said that, I am also over 35 wks pregnant right now and don't have the energy I did 10-15 weeks ago (or when not pg) to keep on top of everything. DH has been excellent about doing housework if I ask him to help. I've just had to learn to lower my standards a bit.

Also, I have my kids help me out . . . at almost 3 and 5, they're more than capable of helping (cleaning up toys, putting dirty clothes in the hamper, making their beds, help setting the table, etc). Again, I don't expect perfection but it takes some of the load off me and it still helps get those things done.

 

What do I think the housework split should be? 50/50, baby!

Unfortunately we're in a new situation where this isn't always possible- my day job is caring for our daughter, and my husband's day job is med school. My night job has sort of ended up being most of the housework, while his night job has ended up being mostly schoolwork/clinic work.

If anyone has any brilliant ideas of how we can return to the 50/50 ideal, please share!!!!