My stepson's kindergarten experience sounds like your daughter's was. I put him in a really good well respected private school. He tested at age 4 as highly gifted with IQ over 150. The school is known to be caring, constructivist (Reggio-E like). He said same things: the kids were mean, cruel, etc... They really weren't he is just a very sensitive (not shy, sensitive) boy who can't understand the need for meanness, teasing, putdowns, etc... My husband and his Ex. thought Waldorf would not be academic enough for him. The boy likes drills and memorizing (like the math facts and such). So, they put him into Waldorf first grade last year (he was 7 and had been at that private school kindergarten the previous year). It was easier decision for them as he was truely miserable and hated the school and started having negative behavior reports. The found that due to the other things he could focus on he wasn't so 'bored' or unchallenged. For example, he is really gifted at reading and math and Waldorf is 'behind' his level. They only got through capitol letters in first grade. But, he had no experience with most of the fairy tales they used to introduce the letters and no experience with drawing or singing all the tunes. This kept him from being bored and could just 'play' in morning lesson block. Also, they study Japanese (which he found very challenging --- his school does the 3 x a week too as Steiner planned originally---most schools can't afford that and only due both languages 2x or week or even only do 1 extra language). Knitting he didn't like so much but then the kids had little competitions between them, not school sanctioned, to see who was first done, whose was most soft, silly games the kids made up that never got competitive but inspired him to try harder. He didn't care for Spanish and just did basic stuff in. He memorized all the parts for the play which challenged him (all students are asked to do this and not just him) although he is definately NOT a performer having to be constantly reminded to speak up and say lines with 'feeling'. He didn't care for the recorder either and found it 'lame'...but he's been taking violin lessons for years now outside of school. His mom, my husband's ex, also supplemented with homeschooling material. So, Waldorf school gave no homework but my stepson LOVED to do homework so even though he was in First Grade at Waldorf school he did Horizon Phonics and Reading 1 page a day (Grade 3); Horizon Math 1 page a day Grade 2; R.E.A.L Odyssess Life and Earth Science (he raced through these even though each book Life and Earth are meant to be full year courses with only 2 lessons per week but he finished them both in under a year), they got him Evan Mor Geography Grade 1 and he deemed that 'lame' and finished the entire book in one setting. They also let him read whatever he wants and use the computer to supplement his reading / finding information (which the school says not to let kids use computer until 4th grade or at least not to use it on school nights). It seems like a lot for a 7 year old and I was not really for it and planned to just let him relax and do whatever he wanted at my home (aka, not follow his mom's wishes of daily homework, science projects on weekends, daily violin practice, etc..) but the boy loves to learn and so that is what he did in his down time. As far as I know the school doesn't seem to be telling the parents not to do these things/banning them/frowning upon them or such: although I think they probably just don't tell the school what they are doing anyway. Oh, and finally my stepson still doesn't have any 'friends', never gets invited to outside birthday parties (there are 19 kids in his class so I understand parents can't invite everyone), never has play dates or such, plays with neighborhood kids rarely, is very introverted/loner type, but he never complains about the other kids and feels they are kind and friendly and plays with and works well with them in the play groups.