Hi!

I have a 15 yeard old son with severe autism. When he was born I didn't think I would have anymore children. But my husband really wanted another baby so I decided to have 1 more baby. I'm so glad I did!

My younger son is now 12 and I can't imagine life without him. He's been such a good brother to my oldest son.

I worried about autism, but it was such a different journey taking care of a baby without autism. It was a good balance for me.

While at times it makes me sad to see my older son struggle with such simple tasks, it's nice to see my younger son achieving so much.

I admire your courage. SN mommies are special people.

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It's such a tough choice to make, isn't it? My oldest dd is severely affected by autism and has severe MR. For years we were terrified to have more children. Statistically, I think they say if you have one child with autism you are "eight times more likely" to have another child with autism than someone who doesn't have a child already affected. That number sound so horrible, I had a hard time getting past it. But, it works out to about an 8% chance of having a child with autism, which is a 92% chance of NOT having another child with autism.

I finally got tired of allowing autism to dictate so much of our lives. It's already basically taken away our daughter, I wasn't going to let it take away all of our future children too. So we went for it, and after 7 years we finally had another child who is thankfully NT. Once we knew she was okay, we started trying for a third baby but by then my age and other factors were affecting things, so we weren't able to get pregnant for over 4 years. So now I have an almost 15 year old, an almost 8 year old, and a 15 month old, lol.

It's so worth it all. I wouldn't change anything, because if anything were different, I wouldn't have the children I have now. I love them all beyond measure, and to some extent, I have dd's autism to thank for the two children that came later.

P.S., It's too early to know for sure, but so far it's looking like the littlest one is free of autism. Keeping our fingers crossed that his development continues.

Best wishes in your decision. You have a huge chance that any other babies would be just fine, but I know all too well that even a "small" chance is huge when you already are dealing with one disabled child.

 

We're doing it. Brendon is only 2 1/2, so it's impossible to know how severely affected he'll be. His baby sister is 17 months old, which means I have one more month of walking on eggshells with her, but so far, she's completely NT. (They're 13 1/2 months apart, she isn't my test case. I had NO clue about the Autism when I got pg with her.)
But you know what? I won't let Autism rob us of our family. We wanted 8 kids, we aren't putting that dream on hold just because a few might have disabilities. Life happens anyway no matter WHAT you try to plan for. My daughter had a soft marker for Down's. She doesn't have it. BOY, was I relieved - all that ST and OT stuff scared me half to death! And now we get to do it anyway with Brendon.
And God forbid - what if your NT kid gets a massive head injury and ends up with a Traumatic Brain Injury? You know what the difference is in therapy between a TBI kid and an Autism kid? Apparently, Insurance coverage!
There are no guarantees, but I think it's worth it to give the kids with Autism siblings if we can. Our Developmental Ped said that in her experience, the kids with Autism who have siblings are the ones who do well. The only children don't do as well. And what if your son's twin brother is his friend, his sister is his sister, but his BABY brother who you'll have in two years is his BEST FRIEND?
That's what I'm hoping for. My son is our oldest. With as many kids as we want, we're bound to have a kid who's right around where Brendon is at Developmentally - maybe that will make them fast friends.
And then, too, at least for us - what if something happens so that our daughter has to take care of Brendon? Is it REALLY fair to make that her SOLE responsibility? If there are a few siblings to share the burden, maybe it won't be such a burden after all. Obviously, our hope is for that to be a moot point, but the fact is, if it isn't a moot point, she deserves the chance to pursue her own dreams, too.
And if Brendon becomes one of the "merely quirky", then I would do the world a grave disservice NOT to bring more folks just like him into the world!

So yeah, we're having as many kids as we can. My house is too empty with just the two here. I love babies! And I'm still a bit sad abut the fact that my sister and I are NOT best friends (we're 11 months apart, everyone always SAID we were supposed to be best friends). If only I'd had a baby brother....

 

i got pregnant with our dd when our ASD (with epilepsy) ds was 12 mos. old (he is 3.5 and she is almost 2 now) - we knew he was delayed, but didn't know why or how severe it might be. i am so glad i got pregnant when i did - our dd is NT and it's been a really nice experience and i would have been too stressed for pregnancy at a later time - the last year has been very hard for him. she is so good for our ds - she can get him to play with her, interact, get mad, etc. - all that good sibling stuff.

i really want another child. i have baby fever too - my dh knows i have it, but he doesn't realize how bad it is! i really struggle with what to do - we are really REALLY financially strapped with ds's different treatments and i anticipate money being very tight for several years to come. i don't know how we would afford another SN child. plus, it is still really unclear where ds will be as an adult and i want to make d**n sure that he is provided for as an adult if needed and i don't expect his little sister to be in charge of that. i don't want to end my life regretting not having another child, but i also don't want to feel like we can't provide ds with what he needs.

so, i guess i don't know. i don't know how you decide something like that. i find myself often hoping for an OOPS!, but that's not likely to happen to us - we're good at prevention

good luck with the decision process! it's such a personal one...

 

We didn't have the Autism DX at the time but I knew something was "different" with my DS. We were just startign the journey towards a DX at the time. He was much harder to parent as a baby/toddler but even at that time I had already decided I wanted more children, so we did. Our 3rd was born right before DS's 2nd birthday. I knew that no matter what we'd make it work, and we did.

Having a child with Autism, for us, has not stopped us from ever doing anything we wanted or normally would do... or that he has wanted. We just may do things a bit differently or take a different road to get there.

 

I'm slightly more along the lines of "if you are suffering from autism, you aren't doing it right" type thinkers, so for me, the answer is yes. But I do believe that each child's particular needs have to be considered in terms of child spacing.

 

I sure would, and did.

My son (5yo) was diagnosed with autism a year after we lost our 2nd son. A year later, we adopted a little girl with selective mutism. Two months ago, I gave birth to another little girl. Right now, all of the children are young and so we spend a lot of time in therapists' offices but DS is no longer considered moderately severe on the spectrum (he's now testing at the high end of mild/low end of moderate) and is in a NT classroom with little assistance and so we're not dealing with 2 children after a diagnosis of profound autism...that might have changed the number of children we would have if we were in that situation.

 

It has been a consideration for me and if I wanted to have a child with DH or not. He has a son with autism and frankly, when he was younger and much more severe, there as just no way in the world I thought I could do it again (we have my step son full time). It was too much to handle and for US, it was just unfair to think of possibly bringing in another child with the same conditions when we were having such a difficult time with DSS.

Now DSS is 9 and doing amazingly well. (Lots of hard work, determination and an attitude from me that no child was going to be failed on my watch) and now he is doing so well that I am 6 1/2 months pg with a child together.

I do have two sons that are NT and I figure now, if I lived thrugh DSS worst/hardest years so far, I can handle that again, not to mention, I actually know what to look for now and could get help a lot earlier if there were a problem.

Although, I can't say I would have made this same decisions if I didn't have two NT kids and if DSS was my bio kid. I am just hoping and praying that what ever we are given, is truly just not more then what we can handle.

 

We knew ds1 was a little different before we conceived ds2. By the time he was born, I knew he was autistic. He was diagnosed 2 years later. A year after that, ds2 was diagnosed. I would have more kids now if I wanted to have more(which I don't). A couple of years ago I would have said no. Ds1 was much harder to deal with at that time and had a huge amount of challenges. If he was still that much work I would have no more kids because I would feel like someone would have to suffer. I also work full time also.

Ds2 is much less severely affected and so I don't think i would worry about having another kid with autism. I would feel like chances were that I would and that would be ok. In fact I would wonder if a nt kid would feel like they had an extra burden put on them.

 

I've always wanted a big family. Especially since my daughter Jaina was such a fun and easy baby! I knew not all babies had her easy going personality, but I felt like I was prepared for anything.

After Jayce was born, he was the complete opposite of his sister. Didn't eat, didn't sleep, had severe reflux, sensory issues, delays. I remember thinking several times, "I'm DONE! I'm doing all I can to survive parenting this child. No more kids!"

Then we got the autism diagnosis. Then I really was done. How could I intentionally bring another child into the world that is going to struggle like Jayce does? What about Jayce's needs? How can he handle another baby? How can we handle another baby when he takes up so much of our time, energy, effort?

Also scaring me was knowing a few families IRL close to me who have multiple children, ALL on the spectrum. Although my friends wouldn't regret having their children in a heartbeat, I still saw how they all struggled with autism each and every day.

All of my negative thoughts went out the window eventually.

Really, having another child with autism would not affect our love or care for that child any differently. Our family is so much better equipped to handle kids with special needs now, I feel like we can tackle anything. Besides, you NEVER know what you are going to get. Each pregnancy and baby is completely different. Each unique in their own personality and experiences.

As jayce gets older and has more therapy in place, he's come so far. I think he'd be able to handle another baby soon. We are planning on trying next summer, a year from now. That would give them almost 6 years apart. I feel very good about it and am excited to get pregnant

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I have one son who is 5 and has autism. Right now all my extra time, money and energy goes towards him and all his therapies. I feel that if I were to have another baby right now I would be robbing both the baby and my son. I don't feel I would be able to give either of them the time/attention/energy they need.

Owen has recently started loving babies (I work in a daycare in the infant room so he likes to wander down there and see all the babies). A few times he's claimed he was going to bring a baby home. LOL! He has been adamant for a couple weeks that he wants a baby at home, but I don't think he fully grasps what that means.

We may decide to have another baby years down the road (we're talking 5+ years) but we're inching towards not. In 5 years my son will be 10. I don't know if I want to start all over again at that point! We're at the point in our lives where we can travel fairly easily. We can pick up and go do whatever we want fairly easily (taking ds's autism into consideration).

 

Autism was not much of a factor in our decision to have more kids, if anything we are scared we won't know how to deal with our kids if any of them turn out to be NT.

 

I love my DD more than life itself, but my DS, 5 has Autism and OCD and it is almost more than I can handle, especially now as a single mother.

My DD had chronic health problems her entire first year of life and so I have had my tubes tied and will not be having any more children. I can barely give them everything they need as it is. On some days I wish I hadn't had another child, but my DD brings so much joy and love to our home.

It's a very tough, personal decision. If you have the resources - emotionally, physically and financially then I would to follow your heart.

Best wishes!

 

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Originally Posted by Sierra I'm slightly more along the lines of "if you are suffering from autism, you aren't doing it right" type thinkers, so for me, the answer is yes. But I do believe that each child's particular needs have to be considered in terms of child spacing.

Yeah, two PDD diagnoses didn't change my mind but it did slow me down some (possibly any first two kids might have slowed me down some.) OTOH it also motivated me into part-time ECing this time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShaggyDaddy Autism was not much of a factor in our decision to have more kids, if anything we are scared we won't know how to deal with our kids if any of them turn out to be NT.

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heh, we've always said that even before we had the label "NT" to use instead of "like all the people at school we didn't fit in with."

 

Thanks everyone for you answers. I know this is a very personal topic, I think our greatest concern is that if something happened to both DH and I, who would take care of DS? The idea of DS ever ending up in an institution just KILLS me. As it stands now though, even continuing at his present rate of improvement, he won't ever be self-sufficient. And that's fine as long as someone is there to love him and take care of him. And of course I'm eternally hopeful that he will still be able to care for himself as an adult.

Right now he has 3 NT siblings. I don't feel as though he will be too much for them to share. Another sibling with autism would up the strain considerably. On the other hand there's no way of knowing his NT siblings won't end up with other medical issues later on as well. So I guess I just don't know what to do. I think we'll hold off a few more months to see how our adoption moves along and then decide. Thanks for sharing your stories and decision with me.

 

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Originally Posted by shaggydaddy autism was not much of a factor in our decision to have more kids, if anything we are scared we won't know how to deal with our kids if any of them turn out to be nt.

lmao...

 

Yes, I would have another one.

Ds's father has Aspergers but we are not together anymore. If I had a partner that didn't have ASD in his family, I'd try again. Well, hypothetically speaking. I wouldn't want another child at my age.

 

Autism doesn't scare me...But then again, I have one who is suspected to have autism (several red flags noted by his drs. and therapists) and 1 with a feeding tube, and we still had a 3rd. DD has her own issues. We'll see what DS2 brings us. I'd stop at 2 tubefeeders *if DS2 heads down his sister's path, which it appears he might*, but DS1's spectrum stuff, whlie challenging at times, was never a real factor in our family planning. I'm with ShaggyDaddy....I'd be more concerned on how to deal with completely NT kids at this point. Special needs is just our norm now.

 

Yes I would, and have, and will again!

Autism just is for my dd and I. No tragedy here.

 

I had my 3 very close together, so my ASD boy does have two little siblings from before we really knew what we were dealing with. And in the years before we had the right help for him, the little siblings definately did suffer from a stressful home environment and too much time/$/attention always being directed at their big brother. Not to mention the stress on marriage with the 3 tiny children and special needs maze. Thank goodness we made it through those years and we're all still here!

 

My oldest is 10 1/2 and has ASD. He was very difficult from the start and dh didn't want to have any others but I told him we couldn't not have more just b/c he was a challenge. We didn't get his official diagnosis until recently, though I knew all along, I just didn't want him labeled. (That's a whole other story.)

We now have 3 more children, all 4 are boys, and I am so glad we have them. Number 2 and 3 are NT (what does that mean?) Number 4 is only 15 months so we don't know about him, so far, so good, though, thank G-d.

I encourage you to not let the scare keep you from expanding your family.

 

We had decided, after years of talking and waffling, to have no more kids--not even through adoption. The slight chance was more than we were willing to take and a new baby would take away from the attention that our son should be getting. Besides, we already had our girl and our boy--a family of four is "perfect", right? So, I get rid of all the baby stuff. Then my kids take a nap and DH and I take advantage. Suffice it to say, we are expecting a new little girl in the next few weeks.

 

My 6 year old DS has PDD-NOS, so is on the "high-functioning" end of the spectrum. I absolutely want another baby, just still working on DH.

I think Dh's reservations about having more have more to do with worrying about putting them through college, individual attention, etc. than the fact that he is autistic. DD is 3.5 and is NT. I completely agree with the PP who said that siblings are WONDERFUL for autistic kids. DD does not seem to be afraid of much and is very social, so for him, seeing her jump right into a new thing or social scene gives him the confidence that it is okay and he then follows her (if little sis can do it, so can he!). That, and having her around has taught him a lot about patience, waiting his turn, manners, sharing, etc. They are best buds and I am VERY glad we had another one. If we had another one on the spectrum, that would be fine too. I have some autistic characteristics myself and I suspect that there is a tendency towards it that is in my family's genes (I see some traits in my dad and brother especially), so that helps me to relate to him better, and would do the same for any future child we might have. As far as therapies and such, OT is covered by insurance, and he gets speech at school, so not a big deal. Honestly, I think you should really think about whether you would want more children or not regardless of autism, and go from there.

 

we did. though admittedly Tyler has aspergers and Sammy is moderately affected. so some days it seems ok, some days not so much. i do want more kids and I had one after Sammy. My husband and I leave having more children up to God because it works for us.
i journal and it helps. you have to do what works for you and there is no right or wrong answer. but my little Nate is absolutely the sunshine of my days he is the baby of the house and just a little ball of sunshine