Eeek! I'd definitely continue the dialog about how you feel about porn. I think 10 yo is so young... such a vulnerable time to start developing attitudes toward women and sex, that I'd do whatever I could to stop this behavior. My 11 year old daughter uses the internet but the parental controls are such that she cannot get to any website I haven't approved. So, googling might be fun, but she can't get to any of the results unless I approve it with a password.

My 15 year old has less stringent controls, but still pretty strict.

It's not so much that I don't want my kids to ever be exposed to anything, but more that I like to be present so that we can discuss them. Although porn is in a special category, IMO. It really screws with attitudes, self-concept, etc.

 

Eeek! I'd definitely continue the dialog about how you feel about porn. I think 10 yo is so young... such a vulnerable time to start developing attitudes toward women and sex, that I'd do whatever I could to stop this behavior.

That's what I thought, as well. At first I was more of the opinion that I was out of touch and a prude, given my own upbringing, which involved a keen sense of shame and embarassment, even when I stumbled upon the store of porno mags of my fathers, but you're right in that the visuals will have such an impact on someone so young that I have to get outta here! It's just that it startled me that, at 10, he was so interested.

 

HUGS Mama! Welcome to the Fun Years with Boys Club

!

You may need to skim through alot of this thread for relevant info but there are alot of opinions in this thread that are good.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=665019

 

I reviewed the previous posts and it gave me some ideas. Deep breath and here we go!

 

You've probably already had the conversation by now. I just wanted to add that it's normal for a ten-year-old to be curious about sex (though not appropriate for a ten-year-old to look at online porn.) I agree that you should adjust your internet controls so that you have to approve a site before your son can view it. I'd add that it may be helpful to provide him with some positive information about changing bodies and sexuality at the same time. Probably in book form, not as an adjunct to the conversation about porn.

 

I totally would have been doing that at ten if I'd had Internet access. My advice is find some pictures of naked people that aren't offensive to your values. My guess is he's curious, and helping him satisfy his curiosity in a healthy way may curb his appetite for finding out the hard way. You might also want to initiate casual conversations about your values.

Also, this web site is a valuable one. http://adolescentsexualitytoday.blogspot.com/

 

I think it's probably illegal to knowingly let a 10 year old look at porn... you could always explain this to him on those terms. I know predators who show children pornographic pictures are charged with something like endangering the welfare of a child, or exposing a child to lewd content...I can't remember exactly what.

 

Oh yes! I would like to be more specific about my response. Being curious about sex is, of course, very normal. Maybe he just wants to see some diagrams of how things are done, and those can be found in sex-ed type of books from a bookstore. And they can be respectful and not sexist.

Although maybe he just wants to look at porn. Tough to say.

 

My DS (now 12) had that "problem" around the same age as your son, thankfully my hubby was there to aide in the situation. I think he took a very good aproach by not embarassing him and rather just chatting it up with him one day and then approaching the subject from there. Hubby is NOT my 12yo biological dad either. But I do know that he did ask Keegan if he felt bad about looking at the images, to which he responded, "sorta". Of course hubby inquired as to why he felt that way. He responded because I'm baptized and God probably wouldn't be happy with that. So hubby just dug even further and truly after Keegan gave all his explanations, hubby concluded with him that it's just something we don't do when we are trying to keep our morals.

Don't know if you are religious or not but son did repent and felt better. They had the "sex" talk then as well. DS is now 12 and it has somewhat become a fascination of his again, peer pressure doesn't help. He "stumbles" sometimes but hubby and I remind him, without trying to make him feel bad, but to be clear of his intentions and actions.

Did I help any? Or just give my story?

 

I think its perfectly natural for children to want to learn about sex at that age. They're too young for mom and dad to generally want to have "the talk" with them, but old enough to see the inferences about sex and the allure of the opposite sex in our culture.

My son and my niece have both done this (they are best friends and were looking at pics at my parents house on the computer). They knew that WE thought it was inappropriate, but they did not feel that it was wierd or bad for them to look at together (if that makes sense...they didn't think about having sex, just about what do bodies look like etc)

We approached it by trying to talk to him on a mature level and explaining how it would negatively affect grandma and grandpa to see it, how niece's family would be upset, and how while it is not bad to want to learn about sexuality, we just need to do it in the right environment.

My religion does not shun sexuality or require anyone to "repent" and we feel it is a biological and intellectual step in growth to learn about and be curious about sexuality. Thats not to say that I want my son looking at porn, but I'd much rather him have open talks with us about sexuality than to hide that sort of thing away from him.

Since this is the first time (I assume) that your DS has had any kind of interaction where "sex talks" were required, it is (or was if you already had it) a PERFECT opportunity to open the lines of communication so that your child will be willing to talk to you in the future. Because lets face it, a child looking for porn on the internet is not a *huge* deal, and can always be remedied with restrictive software/computer restriction/grounding/whatever, but later on, the sex talks will be of a much more personal nature, and thats when you REALLY need them to come to you.

I dont mean to offend anyone with my post... Everyone parents how they see fit, and I'm just sharing my views. I don't begrudge anyone their choices or methods of parenting.

 

Thank you to everyone who has responded to my post. We have restricted the websites allowed, he was grounded from the computer for a week. We have begun the conversation about how the body is a beautiful thing and that there is nothing wrong with it, which I hope that we have demonstrated at home by not shaming him and being open with our own selves, but the pictures and behavior that he was looking at had nothing to do with a loving, healthy relationship between two people who care for one another. He was embarrassed by being caught, so we started from there. We have had the sex talk before, but it will be revisited. I think that it will be a process and that he is still a bit uncomfortable, but we'll start talking with him. Sigh. Thank you all for your posts and support!!!

 

I just wanted to chime in and say that I totally would have been looking for sex pics too at that age, well I don't know about sex.. probably, but CERTAINLY naked pics. I was intensely intensely curious about naked bodies and had no way to see them or find out about how "things" worked. I was reduced to looking at medical textbooks.

 

What about national geographic type images? You know, totally unposed, people naked as a matter of course, a variety of ages, both genders, just kinda puttering around doing their thing?

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Datura What about national geographic type images? You know, totally unposed, people naked as a matter of course, a variety of ages, both genders, just kinda puttering around doing their thing?

What about it? As I stated in my post, these were graphic images that had nothing to do with natural beings and existing in a human way. Having your leg up around your neck (or someone else's) showing your a**/genitals is in no way beautiful or healthy.

 

At eight my best girlfriend and I found a stack of playboys under her dads matress - we were totally curious about what/why? The internet just makes it more accessible, doesn't really change what kids do. I agree with the posters who say find some books about puberty, that are 10 year old friendly and let him know its okay to be curious. I think you handled it well.

 

When I was 10 I knew sorta how sex worked but couldn't really picture it - something about positioning cause I'd seen pictures of animals mating and unspecific stuff in movies and noticed a discrepancy. So I was curious. I didn't look it up anywhere but it could well be he's looking out of curiosity not looking for porn really. Definately explain to him why porn is bad and make factual, respectful information available, medical and biological as well as maybe artistic in a clean and celebratory way.

 

I dont even want to think about how I would have been as a teen if I had a computer :x God I would have been naughty and gotten away with it cause my dad wont touch a computer. I would have been looking up porn for sure (not at 10 though, more like 14ish) I was sooooooooo sexual at that age. Hmm maybe thats why we got pregnant when I was 16 lol.

I think what you did is what I would have done in that situation.

 

Erg, sorry, pregnant brain. That was poorly stated. Could you satisfy the curiosity about the human body using such images? Or is he specifically interested in porn?

 

This just happened at our house this weekend. We had friends and their kids over for dinner. We were lingering in the kitchen and the kids were all playing in the other end of the house. Two of my kids were already in bed but my 6 year old was awake and hanging out with the older kids. I heard some commotion and came back to find my 6 year old in the bathroom, red faced and saying he wanted to throw up! I asked what was going on and he told me one of the boys (10 year old) had typed a "wrong" word and all these images came up - someone stretching a vagina, and other not very nice things. He was NOT ok

:

We talk about it alot. He does not understand why those pictures are on his computer and why someone does that. So, I see that it has opened up for conversations about what people do with their life - sort of. Like why would someone choose to do that for a living (for it is usually a job, and not a peek into someones intimate love life).

I am still wondering how to tackle the other kids - this is not something I wanted my kid to see. I am sure we will have our own "experimentation" issues when he gets older

 

I wonder if you could look into filters on the computer, and also into password protecting it, so no one can use it at all without the password.

I also agree with getting some appropriate materials and books that are not going to be violent like you might encounter on the web. Curiosity is normal, but the current culture of no-limits on the web is not, sadly!

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momtwice I wonder if you could look into filters on the computer, and also into password protecting it, so no one can use it at all without the password.

A nice wish, but I wonder how realistic this is. My 2yo DS can turn on the computer, enter his password, launch Mozilla browser and go to his bookmarked pages and play (sesame street, starfall....) And he is an average 2 year old. My guess is by the time he is 10 he can easily write a program to determine my password /lock.... or build his own PC to do what he wants. I am not trying to discourage people from using safety methods, just questioning how realistic it is. I think we have to expect that kids will be exposed to this stuff, at home or somewhere else, and we should deal with it by talking with them about it, and listening to them.

 

i'd say there's a big difference b/t looking for naked pics and pics of graphic sex. just seems like i'd be fine w/1, definitely not with 2...BTW mine did plenty of surfing! we talked a lot about objectification of bodies, etc, A LOT. i think it definitely made the whole subject much less (NOT completely, hey he IS a boy!) appealing. he is now 20 and is lovely to his DGF. not to worry!
laoxinat

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by AllisonR A nice wish, but I wonder how realistic this is. My 2yo DS can turn on the computer, enter his password, launch Mozilla browser and go to his bookmarked pages and play (sesame street, starfall....) And he is an average 2 year old. My guess is by the time he is 10 he can easily write a program to determine my password /lock.... or build his own PC to do what he wants. I am not trying to discourage people from using safety methods, just questioning how realistic it is. I think we have to expect that kids will be exposed to this stuff, at home or somewhere else, and we should deal with it by talking with them about it, and listening to them.

My oldest ds has natural talent when it comes computers and electronics in general and that started VERY early. We knew this but didn't know the extent of his talents and in a blink of an eye he was at the point of building motherboards at his uncle's friends store (I don't even know exactly what that is btw but he enjoyed doing it) and he even started building his own computer. He was one of those kids that was able to create his own admin password on our computer which allowed his free reign on the computer until I caught him one day....we ended up canceling the internet at home because of this as I really thought I was policing his internet use and was horrified! I still don't really understand how he did it.

I was without home internet for years before I felt comfortable enough to bring it back into the house.

 

Well.... I walked in on my son looking at webcam girls. I was shocked because I did not expect this especially him doing this at my office while I was working right next door. The computer is placed in a way that you can see the screen when you open the door. My son is about to turn 11. Luckily he wasn't really watching any "hardcore" stuff. It was a lady taking a shower but at that moment when I opened the door, she wasn't even touching herself. First I yelled at him, and he got scared; took him like 4 clicks to finally shut the browser down ( which kinda makes me laugh now to remember the moment... poor kid)
I did not want to scold him harshly so I changed the tone and told him he could not look at stuff like that. And how did he even find that? He googled naked women and looked at the images. I had a brief talk with him since I was at work so I was busy. Told him he could not talk about this at school or with his friends. Obviously, he promised he won't. Told him I was also curious at his age but without the internet all we had was magazines but on the internet, there is a lot more stuff that is not appropriate for his age so please stop looking up stuff like that. I had to go back to work but on the way home in the car I told him he could always talk to me if he had any questions or concerns or if he wanted to know anything. He did not want to talk about it, just said he was sorry and never do it again.

Today I got curious and wanted to check what he was actually looking and while it is good to know exactly what he saw online I was also mortified......
I checked the browser history and he pretty much saw everything there is to see. We had another talk that night. Told him I knew what he looked at and while I knew he wasn't trying to look those pictures up he ended up seeing that and he shouldn't have. Wanted to know if he even understood what he was looking at. We talked some more which I think was informative and helpful. Told him I would take some great measures to block content like this but between home and work we have 5 computers so it will be some money to get the internet security for 5 computers :/
Turning on parental control for google doesn't help much. It blocks pictures and videos and search results WHILE you are searching via google. But you can still visit porn sites and use other search engines like yahoo to find stuff.

 

I have been exactly where you are with my 11 year old. Kids sure are curious at this age. Here if you need to talk.

 

There are so many ways around paretal controls and kids seem to find them all. Talking and getting ahead of the situation is best. Tween and teen years are tricky, gone are the days where they had to sneak magazines around

 

Also with that many computers it might be best to create a user account for him on just one and make the others password protected