My daughter's younger, but I also have zero sex drive. I really have no desire whatsoever to get intimate. My husband is understanding, but I do feel badly for him. But from what I hear this is pretty normal. It doesn't happen to every woman, but plenty of us lose our libido, especially if we're breast feeding.

 

Sounds normal-right now I'm trying to figure out how I even have 2 kids

I actually have some libido and yet I'm so touched out from nursing and tired it's kinda the last thing on my mind-it sucks guys have no clue how difficult it is to feel like you've gotta make everybody happy, when the only thing that would make you happy is a nap

My DH is understanding, we have 2 kids, an almost 4 year old who doesn't like sleeping and an 8.5 month old who likes sleeping on one of us-makes for a difficult situation for intimacy.

Maybe you should try some maca? It's supposed to help, but it also boosts fertility, I was taking it to get pg-it helped me.

 

once a week would be an improvement right now! we had a spurt last month where it was pretty frequent, (almost 3x a week for about 3 weeks) but this past month, not so much. Has AF returned for you? Mine returned at 4 months PP, and my libido picked up then.

I am not really touched out, per se. I actually would love to be touched more by someone who doesn't want to tug all of my facial features of, drool rivers all over me, and pull my hair. Baby is nearly 7 months old, and doesn't really get the "gentle touches" idea yet. I love DS, but sometimes, you know, a change of pace is good.

also, lube would be good. Can you manage a date night (not the whole night maybe, but a couple hours alone?)

 

We both work full time while taking care of our almost 8month old alone at home. Evenings I am just too exhausted and the babe gets often cranky and sleepy. We just decided to schedule "Love" days, where we at least would cuddle and spent some time looking into each others eyes. I know, it sounds so not romantic, but it has helped us, to get a bit more of couple time into our lives.

Besides, it still hurts pretty badly to actually make love, even though we use oil/lubes/eggwhites.

 

What's a libido?

Oh yes, it's that thing I have ZERO of when I am pregnant or breastfeeding.

My poor, patient DH. He would think he won the lottery if we did it once a week.

 

Zero here too! I was up for it while pregnant but it must be post partum/breastfeeding hormones. Plus I'm tired, plus I feel touched out from the baby and the 2 year old. I ditto what a pp said about having to make everyone happy. It's too huge a job.

 

Me too. I'm just too tired. Or, the baby is napping and it's the middle of the afternoon. No good time to dtd. One day, things will get back to normal.

 

very low here too. we haven't dtd in months. still bfing and no af yet. thankfully dh is patient and happy to settle for other scenarios. have you tried mutual masturbation (this works for us while ds sleeps), showering together, a trusted babysitter to watch the kiddo's?

 

My libido is the lowest it's ever been in my life. I had no idea it would be like this. I had never lacked a sex drive until I had my son. I am still BFing, and AF returned at 9 months post partum. For me I am certain it is hormonal and due to BFing. We dtd very occasionally. My DH has been so supportive and hardly complains, bless his horny little heart.

It has to get better right? I mean..it can't get much worse can it?

 

I think once a week at this point and for your particular situation is really good. I realize that for that one time a week you may not really FEEL like doing it, but keeping up with the once a week for now is enough, IMO. It will come back after awhile. It is just temporary. Nothing to worry about.

 

DS is 13 months still BF (kinda alot). Still no AF and ZERO libido. I am praying for AF in hopes that it will make a difference in the libido department. I feel so badly for my DH. He's not going to want more kids if we don't figure this out.
Once a week he would be in HEAVEN....i think we are on month 3? 4? i have no idea how long its been. It sucks.

 

I am totally in this club. Just got first pp period at 7 months, baby is basically EBF, we cosleep, etc. I have almost zero libido, which is depressing and weird and not like me at all.

I'm really hoping that my interest comes back eventually. It does... right? We've been aiming for 2x a week, but once is probably the average. Blech.

 

I'm in the same boat. DH isn't thrilled with the scenario, but he tries to understand.

 

Oh thank God. I mean, sucks for all of us, but at the same time it's nice to not feel so alone. I still don't have AF back - with dd #1 I had it back at 6 months PP. I suppose that helped with libido but it also dried up my supply a bit. If it's not one thing it's another.

: I was actually at our food coop today looking at tinctures for libido -- I was concerned that some of the herbs can affect supply though...

It's not so much the SEX that I miss - it's that closeness. It just feels like our roles are so functional right now. Even at the end of a day and we're just sitting in the living room, we just sort of want to veg-out and, for me especially, I just want to not be hung on or crawled all over or whatever.

Sigh.

 

Sigh...we are going on 18 mo without DTD. During my pregnancy, I was put on bedrest and no sex. And, now with the baby born (he's already a yr old), I still have ZERO interest. My libido was on overdrive during the second trimester, but doctor's orders killed any plans.

We co-sleep, but DH sleeps in another bedroom. He goes to bed early though (even before our baby) since he wakes up early, so our night time situation is out of whack anyway. And, when DH is awake after work, our DS is awake...

I guess I'm

now. Still waiting for PPAF and still BFing. Solids are not making up a large portion of his meals just yet.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by MamieCole My poor, patient DH. He would think he won the lottery if we did it once a week.

LOL-I know my Dh would too. For myself my hormones get so wonky with nursing, I get AF instantly even with EBF and yet it almost makes it worse, I get headaches super often and want to freak out because I've got ALL the hormones going on. It's rather annoying. DH and I had a great sex life even while I was pg with our son and then it was like their was no room left, lol.

Once a week would be an amazing improvement-hell once a month would. Last time we tried we got totally interrupted and since I have been just totally turned off of the idea because I got so annoyed

.

 

I am right there with you mamas. Ugh. My LO is 8.5 months,still almost EBF, we co-sleep, I'm tired all the time, I have no time just to myself, and yep, no libido whatsoever. I can get in the mood if there is a little time and DH approaches me just right. . .but I have to get there. It's a long uphill battle, mental and physical. And really when I get a moment to myself, I want to take a bath or read a book. I do not want to have to meet someone else's needs. I feel so guilty about feeling this way. . .but I fantasize about time alone, not time with my DH. But of course, I have also not been willing yet to find a babysitter--either for my own alone time or for a date.

 

you're worried about once a week? We've had sex 3 times in the last 10 months. I want sleep a biilion more times than sex.

 

yup, my libido went into hibernation while i was breastfeeding. after i explained to dp it was hormone related she was very understanding. now she is going through the same thing with our second son. besides a surprise a couple of weeks ago, we haven't dtd in months.

hang in there mama, it WILL come back!

g

 

Once a week is what I thought was average within a marriage, so I wouldn't feel bad about it. It is about the frequency that we had sex before we started TTC. Since conceiving DS, we have had sex twice--both times last summer (2nd trimester), so it has been almost a year now.

I miss the closeness as well, but DH doesn't seem to miss sex at all. He claims he is 'not in the mood' whenever I ask him.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by saffrongirl I just need to know if this is "normal" and if anyone else feels this way. Baby is 8 months old, still mostly exclusively breast-fed. I've got a five year old and two step-kids. I'm just so tired at the end of the day (heck, even at the beginning) and don't have it in me to really get intimate. Baby doesn't sleep through the night and is just pretty needy still. It really takes a lot of mental gymnastics to get in the mood and when we do actually "do anything" I feel so dry and uncomfortable for the most part. I'm sure this is partly hormones, partly exhaustion and partly the fact that we hardly get any alone time (pretty much none). I just need to know that we'll get "out of the woods" at some point. I miss the intimacy and frankly, the fun. Right now we're probably having sex about once a week. Other than lube and getting some sleep, what can we do? Anyone else going through this?

I feel for you...all of you...DS is now 3 so I guess I can only share how things went for us and what helped to improve them. Post partum, sex was so unbelievably painful that it frankly, happened ONCE in an 18 month period of time - ONCE! Needless to say, DH was incredibly amazingly patient. I BF exclusively for a long time - 8 months, I think. Then DS contunued to BF frequently - even after starting solids - and continued to night wake/nurse up until - well - about a week ago when I finally had absolutely enough and nightweaned him.

DH and I had a very active sex life beforehand - and DS is an only for now, so it was a major change. The lack of physical closeness for so long didn´t have the greatest affect on our emotional closeness either. We were more tense and fought and bickered more, as well. After AF came back, it was better, but still not totally comfortable - when it did happen, it was o.k, but still VERY infrequent and not really enjoyable for me at all - and I felt like my constant exhaustion and sleep-deprivation still had an affect on my sexual energyas a whole.

I finally - for a variety of reasons - started seeing someone who worked with flower essences and, unbeknownst to me, he gave me an essence (Juanita in Spanish I think - I´d have to ask again) that was specifically for frigidity of libido. After so much time, I had really lost a fundamental connection with that aspect of myself...and after taking the essences, I noticed that my libido had gone up - it was a pleasant surprise. When I told the practitioner about it, he confessed to me that he had given me the flower essence specifically for that - frigidity in libido. I felt much more of a connection with my sexuality - with my interest in having sex - and much more of a desire to be close with DH in that way. Not only that, I found I wasn´t as dry during sex and I could enjoy it much more.

That being said, I don´t think I would have been physically ready for it much earlier on - after a cesarean and not having AF for 18 months PP...

And I have to say once a week at 8 months would have been miraculous! - but I understand that everything is relative to each person´s own experience.

Patience is key, especially when you are tired, nightwaking and BFing (which is tiring unto itself)...for us, that is all we could be for a while - patient...then I was lucky enough to find a natural remedy that also helped greatly - without even looking, really.

Big hugs to all of you who are going through this...it might be a common joke to some - losing you sex life after the baby comes - but it can be avery difficult and trying time - it is an important aspect of a relationship, after all. I had no idea beforehand that it would be that way for so long and it wasn´t easy, but we got through it and it does get better!

 

I have a different opinion about this matter.. My DD is 10mo, my ppaf is still nowhere to be seen and I also have little to no sex drive. My baby still wakes up at least 4 times in the middle of the night and I'm also tired.. I dtd anyway. I would say that we're probably intimate about 3 times a week or so..

While I was pregnant there were a few months when my DH wasn't in the "mood" to dtd with me. It felt TERRIBLE! I cried myself to sleep a couple of times because he started going to bed later than me to avoid being intimate. I know he wasn't meaning to hurt me, but still, it felt really bad. I would never want to hurt our relationship or make him feel that way. Sometimes we all have to do things that we don't feel like doing, to me, this is one of those things. Also, after we get done I'm always happy that I pulled myself into it. The big O's are few and far between, but it's still nice to spend the time loving on my man.

 

nicely put abraisme

 

Yes. You once-a-week mamas are champions. I think I can count on both hands the number of times we've dtd since DD was born - she's 10 mo. Still basically EBF, and no AF yet.

And I have to say, the low libido combined with me having to be the one to arrange for sex to happen, if it's going to happen, (i.e. get a babysitter, since naps still happen on me, and at night I just want to lie down and play dead) - it really does feel like just doing more work to meet someone else's needs. At the moment, anyway.

This too shall pass, right? Let's all eat some chocolate and get massages.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abraisme I have a different opinion about this matter.. My DD is 10mo, my ppaf is still nowhere to be seen and I also have little to no sex drive. My baby still wakes up at least 4 times in the middle of the night and I'm also tired.. I dtd anyway. I would say that we're probably intimate about 3 times a week or so.. While I was pregnant there were a few months when my DH wasn't in the "mood" to dtd with me. It felt TERRIBLE! I cried myself to sleep a couple of times because he started going to bed later than me to avoid being intimate. I know he wasn't meaning to hurt me, but still, it felt really bad. I would never want to hurt our relationship or make him feel that way. Sometimes we all have to do things that we don't feel like doing, to me, this is one of those things. Also, after we get done I'm always happy that I pulled myself into it. The big O's are few and far between, but it's still nice to spend the time loving on my man.

I guess whatever works. With my pregnancy with DD DH was so freaked out about having sex with me with we never did, and yeah it sucked because I had the highest libio of my life, honestly after her birth I was excited to get it on again and then with constant hormonal migraines, and a baby who was up every 2-3 hours, goodbye sex drive, hello sleep deprived mama who can't get a two second break and just wants to sleep. DH's libido was back and for me I was like "well good get a dose of your own medicine"

. Terrible I know, but he didn't want to have sex with me while pregnant and I didn't with him after, so we didn't until I started taking maca at about 9 months, then it came back.

I know that what you are saying is basically take one for the team, but sometimes that just isn't going to happen. Right now for me it's not even lack of drive, I think my DH is the sexiest ever, it's 2 kids who both are constantly on us, we don't get ANY privacy. We can't leave our son asleep because he wakes up or DD bugs us. For us it's more a logistical problem, than a physical problem.