Yes, you have been very lucky if you have three kids who didn't throw fits! LOL I think the best way to deal with tantrums is to prevent them. If transitions are difficult for him, establish a routine for transitioning (saying goodbye to the friends, toys, etc), give fair warnings and count down (mine get a five minute warning and a reminder each minute), etc. Talk him through his emotions when he does fall apart, empathize, and give help him to think of an alternative.

 

There's an article in the latest issue of Mothering that talks about tantrums. It talks particularly about the kind where the child just will not be placated. You know, they want something, you give it to them, now they don't want ithey want something else. They seem to be looking for something to fall apart over. She says that the child is looking to release some stress and needs to tantrum. If you let them, support them in the tantrum and just let it blow itself out they will feel much better.

When I pick my son up from the babysitters he has often almost tantrumed all the way home. I dance around trying to make everything better which seems to frustrate him more. He will finally lose it over something so incredibly minor (There's leaf on the stroller!!!!!!!!!!). So I stop everything and just pull him into my lap and let him cry. (He isn't a violent tantrum-er just weepie.) I think he needs to release some stress and he waits for me because he trusts me to handle it. Anyway, it hasn't happened since I read the article but next time I'm going to stop dancing around and let it happen much sooner. And talk to him about what he is feeling. She talks about how all the dancing around trying to make them happy can make them think they should keep their negative feelings in check. There are already far too many pent up feelings in this world, right?

Anyway, read the article. She says it much better! It was just so amazing that it came along just when I needed it! Yeah, Mothering Magazine!

 

I ask my kids if they need me to hold them. Usually after a couple of minutes of screaming they tell me they are ready to be held

 

Kailey has started having minor tantrums. When it starts I stop and think about what could be bothering her. I remember that tantrums are started because of a toddler's inability to communicate needs, wants, desires. Or their inability to master something, ie, dressing themselves, putting on shoes, etc.

We usually let her scream as much as she needs to(if we can't resolve the situation before hand) and then give lots of hugs and understanding words. Sometimes I nurse her, but most often we figure out what she needs and that makes her feel better.

A lot of her tantrums are over things we would find minor, but to her are hugely important, like not being able to pull her pants all the way up. This frustrates her to no end.