Eeek, sorry for the triple post. I don't know how that happened.

dm

 

We did something similar and when our son started everything was a five.

One day as an activity we sat down with a list of 20 things that could happen. I tried to include specific things that he'd expressed upset about in the past and also some examples of things that hadn't happened (I was careful not to include anything he hadn't likely already imagined himself). I put each thing on a separate slip of paper and asked him to sort them into piles. He made the realization all on his own that "can't find my shoes" isn't very significant compared to "my dog is dying".

Kids don't think well when they are already upset. So, I wonder if you haven't already done so if it would help to try this kind of activity outside of the moment when she can calmly compare different events.

Editing to add: if she likes math that may be another way to approach this. If she understands averages you could ask her to put it on a chart or a spreadsheet and come up with the average and that may help her reach the conclusion that not everything should be a five. The trick is that in the moment she may still FEEL like everything is a five. I would express to her that it isn't uncommon for intense kids to feel like everything is a five and part of emotional maturity is that it will get easier for her to analyze that better.

 

I'm taking notes here... some days I think we can manage, others are rougher...

 

Hi there-

It sounds like you are trying really hard to help her! I'm not sure if this will work for you, but maybe you can glean something from it.

Everything that is upsetting her is a 5, but not everything is a 5. I would take several weeks, or a month, working with her on identifying and labeling emotions - and here's the trick, *only the positive ones* for at least 2-3 weeks.

She gets a "yes" to a request for a cookie and you then ask her, "hmm, is this something that is upsetting to you, or can you handle it?" It is a (1)! Or, you give her a hug and she can tell you, "this is a (1)!" You may want to tweek your scale a bit to handle a more positive, non-upset feeling.

My guess is that she is used to feeling overwhelmed and then ashamed for feeling that way and it all becomes a 5. Maybe she is not used to talking about or identifying anything other than 5s. Boost her confidence that her life is not a 5, and that she can talk to you about emotions. Then, slowly and gently, start adding in the 2-4 level emotions. By then, maybe the cup would be a 3 vs. a 5.

Best of luck!

 

With both kids we've done the rate real scenarios comparatively. It took a few times for them to actually emotionally get it (and recall it in the moment).

One great piece of advice I got re DS is that emotions are an area of challenge, whereas cognitive is a strength. When he's out of control emotionally, play to his strength. "Rate your frustration - 1 to 10." Great in principle, but DS actually hates this if he's really far gone. I tend to get him working on rhyming games or "tell me four things that start with y in this room." Not actually challenging games, but enough to drag him back from the dark side.

There's some interesting stuff on Seng, but I just can't locate a really good article I read there last week. Topic was emotional intensity, and I think it was very recent.

 

subbing

 

I found the article:
http://www.sengifted.org/articles_pa...ildsSecond.pdf

When your child's second exceptionality is emotional:
looking beyond psychiatric diagnosis
Barbara Probst, MSW, LCSW, January 2007

Looks like she has a book coming out this summer:
http://www.whenthelabelsdontfit.com/Site/Welcome.html

 

Everything's still a 5 for me, too.

I've always been overly emotional. My mom tried several things (mostly yelling and telling me how silly I was, though, so not necessarily productive things) to get me out of it. I had teachers who tried to convince me to see things more clearly. It honestly wasn't until after college that I really learned to moderate my emotions, and even then it was only because I was in a professional setting and realized it would hurt my career. I STILL to this day come home and rail about things my husband thinks are insignificant. It's just not something I've ever learned to temper, and I've determined (after considerable time thinking about it) that my mind's always in overdrive and so is more sensitive to slights.

 

yet another way that ramona and my son are the same kid! I love following you around mdc finding solutions to our issues!

sticking around for advice...

 

i like your idea of the rating scale. ds isn't quite 5 yet and that might confuse him now, but i may try it in the future.

maybe a nice tie-in would be a breathing exercise when she does get overamped. she could think about the rating scale in her head and count backwards from 5-1 as she breathes and tries to lower the severity of the response.

hth

 

At least she knows there is a scale to rate her emotions on.

Maybe you could ask her to come up with some examples for each rating, since she worded the scale herself.

 

would a picture chart help? like the faces pain scale at the doctors office?

subbing because C erupts into a 5! at the most minor things.
Bryanna