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I feel like a terrible mother:(

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894 views 4 replies 5 participants last post by  heidirk  
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#1 ·
I have an almost 3 week old DD and a 2.5 yeard old DD. My toddler is very strong-willed. She just does not understand word NO. If I tell her to come to me or tell her not to do something, she just does not listen or simply runs away from me. I try not to lose my cool, but I end up raising my voice quite a lot and then I feel bad. She gets upset over it and starts crying and I just feel so hopeless. How do I make my toddler listen to me without resorting to yelling? Needless to say I am very sleep deprived and don't have a whole lot of patience. I try to spend as much time with her as possible as she adjusts to being an older sister. I just don't know how to be a better parent
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Experienced mamas, do you have any advice for me?
 
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#2 ·
First off, hugs. Adding a new baby is hard for everyone, including mommies! It does take time for everyone to adjust so be gentle on yourself.

Next off - getting your child to listen. Are there certain times when you are having more trouble with her than others, or is she just not listening to you in general. One thing I would suggest would be rather than telling her to do something or telling her 'No' (except when absolutely necessary - because sometimes it is), try to redirect her with a question. For example, if you're nursing the baby and she is about to get into something she shouldn't, instead of saying no, give her a choice between two acceptable options. For example, "DC, do you want to bring a book to read or your favorite toy so we can play together? You choose." Say it with conviction and confidence, so she never questions whether there are options other than the two you've presented. If she tries to go for a third option, say "Nice try. Book or toy?" It works amazingly well, and so much better than saying no or giving a command!
 
#3 ·
Yes, fair but firm. Be willing to repeat yourself over and over. Try to carve out a little special non-baby time with your older one. Also, preschool a couple of mornings a week may give your toddler an outlet for some of their energy.
 
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#4 ·
sometimes, I say to mine, if they're not listening; do you need me to get cross?? and although all I do when i get cross is shout, they say 'no' and immediately do whatever I've asked them. Then I get to praise them and not get cross. I honestly can't remember any 'magic moment' when it frist happened, and I've obviously never resorted to anything more than getting cross (shouting) but they seem to hate it enough when it's happened for them to not want it again.

Hugs to you, it's not easy in that 1st few months, but it'll get better. Everything changes and morphs.
 
#5 ·
2.5 is a hardheaded time, generally speaking.

Can I recommend a book? It's a short one.
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'YOur Two Year Old- Terrible or Tender'.

I'd bet your local library has it, or you can get used copies on Amazon for not much.
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