I don't know why people do that. (We don't do trick-or-treating anymore, but even last year, when we took DD, we never saw anything like that.)

I hope she doesn't have nightmares as well.

I don't know what to tell you except that I'm sorry your DD had to experience that, and I hope she gets back to her old self in the morning.

 

Thats aweful! The scarest thing we have for Halloween is a Oogie Boogie candy dish which most kids think is really funny. If one looks scared we hand them the candy instead of having them take one.

I hope your DD doesn't have any bad dreams from this.

 

I think a lot of people who put up those things aren't thinking about the little kid aspect. They're usually thinking about the bigger kids and teens. At least, that's the case with my BIL. He has no kids and goes all out for Halloween. The thought that little kids might get scared doesn't even register for him.

I'm sorry your little one had a rough night.

My little guy did just fine until we walked up to the first house and he met the grim reaper. He turned around and ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction. I ended up carrying him to the rest of the houses.

 

I would be tempted to go around to that house during the day and knock on the door. Explain what happened, and ask if they could explain to dc that it was just a toy, meant to be silly. Maybe even show it to her during the day, if you don't think that would scare her more.

Of course, most of the folks in our neighborhood are pretty friendly, so I wouldn't think twice about talking to them.

 

I'm sure people do it with good intentions, wanting to give a little scare to the people who appreciate such a thing on a night like Halloween. We love the scary houses with the motion-sensor things that scream or pop out to scare people, so I'd venture to guess that there are at least as many trick or treaters who enjoy the little scares as there are ones who don't.

I hope your daughter has recovered by now!

 

Yep, I'm feeling a little put off by this kind of thing right now as well. The door to the first house we went to last night was opened by a man in a scary mask screaming! My daughter is also rather fearless but she's still only 3 and a half--really young! She went to maybe 10 more houses but was clingy and afraid the entire time. I mean really, if you're going to open your door acting like a serial killer maybe look out your peephole first and assess the situation? She was soooo excited for the trick or treating and my heart is just so sad for her right now.

Mindy

 

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Originally Posted by VeganMamaRed So my gripe is WHY do people feel the need to put out really scary decorations when they KNOW little kids are going to be out trick or treating?

I'm sorry your LO was so frightened.

But all my kids LOVE those things! Even the 2yo walked up to a hairy dangling spider with red eyes and howling skeleton and laughed, then watched for another few minutes entranced. Even my sensitive 4yo thought they were neat.
Maybe next year prep her about these pretend things that go along with Halloween? Read some books, go browsing the decorations aisle or visit a Halloween store. Let her see and touch those things unanimated. Do some Halloween crafts of some less scary looking "scary" stuff. Make some cute finger puppets and act stuff out.
I hope she has a better experience next year if you try it again.

 

Yeah.

With DS this year, it was a man in a very scary gorilla suit who answered the door with an enormous roar while beating his chest with his fists. My little man is not the bravest, but I've never seen a baby in such sheer utter panic before. And up until then, he'd been really enjoying himself and enjoying all the attention from people and stuff.

People just don't think. Or if they do think, they decide that kids have to learn how to "take it." I hate that attitude-- that it's somehow wrong to console kids who are frightened by something.

 

I hope your Dd is feeling better today - sorry she was so scared! In all fairness though, some people really love love love the scary funhouse aspect of Halloween and I don't think that someone has a responsibility to not enjoy the holiday in their own way on their own property. Yes, some trick or treaters may be coming by, but maybe so will their own family friends, who were actually invited, who really would get a kick out of a little scare. I think my two older kids would like it, and I'd probably have to comfort my son - he'd be a wreck! Some things are geared to different tastes.

What I'd do is make a mental note of what homes were over the top scary for your children, and then avoid them until your children are older.

I think letting your Dd control which houses to go to was an amazing idea! What a way to give her back her power. Great move, mama!

I'm sure that went a long way for her.

 

I don't get it either. We dealt with something similar when DS1's dad bought a life-size grim reaper skeleton thing that he hung at his door. It started 3 years ago when DS1 was 2 and he is still scared to death of the thing. He has nightmares every year for weeks about it yet his dad refuses to take it down

I don't know why people do scary stuff like that to kids.

And the people who think it is funny to jump out and scare kids...completely uncool!

 

I'm sorry to read about so many young children getting scared.

 

It seems like every year there's one house that scares DS more than the others -- last year it was a life-size green witch whose eyes lit up when DS got close, and this year it was a guy in a deranged clown outfit who yelled really loud and acted odd when DS got close.

I wasn't thrilled with either one, but I know how much fun some people have with the scary aspect of Halloween, so I can't really fault them for wanting to celebrate in their own way, and sometimes you can tell that the occupants of the houses with the scariest stuff worked the hardest on decorating and creating their ambience, so in a way I admire their hard work and passion.

Maybe a good technique for parents of really sensitive kids would be to hang back on the sidewalk and watch someone else go up to each house to see what happens before having their kids go up themselves -- in my neighborhood, there are enough trick-or-treaters out that you'd only have to wait a few seconds at each house to check out how the door is answered/whether there are scary pop-out things.

 

They think it's funny. I just skip the houses that I think might scare my kids. A lot of people like the "fright" of Halloween so it's certainly not outside of the norm to do it. My girls wouldn't go near a house that had a goblin sitting by their porch as last year when they thought it was fake it was actually a real person who jumped up and scared them. The guy thought it was funny until a brave little boy whacked him with his sword. Sorry your LO's were scared.

 

I really despise the scary house nonsense. Children will laugh hysterically when completely and utterly terrified, and I think in many cases in our society very young children are TERRIFIED by loud toys and inappropriate images but their parents think it's fine because "they're laughing" when it's actually hysteria. I think it's part of the desensitization toward violence, pain, death, anger, destruction.

Honoring, respecting, and loving the dead and our ancestors is the point. Dressing up to commune with them now that they've moved on to another plane of existence, that is the point. Dressing up to highlight the difference between that day and other days of the year, that things are different today and we might get messages from those no longer corporeal, THAT is the point.

I always think: The veil is thinner and ghosts walk the earth tonight. People who do big gore fest things are so terrified of real ghosts, their own grandparents, etc., that they go to these insane lengths to distract themselves. How utterly sad.

DD and DS and I went trick or treating to local businesses, just ones we know, to show off the costumes we made. We avoided stores with gory costumed figures and waited for children in inappropriate ones to leave before we went in. After the kids were asleep, I spoke to my grandmother and a few other spirits. I dug out out recipes for a special dinner in their honor tomorrow.

 

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Originally Posted by jeca The guy thought it was funny until a brave little boy whacked him with his sword. Sorry your LO's were scared.

I think that's totally appropriate. Good for the boy.

I have no problem with stand-in-line haunted houses, because people go there looking for a fear experience. Likewise, we have the big Greenwich Village Halloween parade every year. It's not for kids. What I dislike is the random trick or treater scaring though. When I was a kid, t-or-t was for CHILDREN. Teenagers and those who want a scare fest went to haunted houses and parties instead. If teens overly gored up came to the door when I was a teen passing out candy, I would open the door, say "You're already dead, you can't eat candy anyway" and shut the door.

 

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Originally Posted by EviesMom People who do big gore fest things are so terrified of real ghosts, their own grandparents, etc., that they go to these insane lengths to distract themselves. How utterly sad.

I think that's a really big leap to make, and your pity is misplaced. A lot of people just think it's fun to decorate and get dressed up. I know I don't have any spiritual feelings about Halloween -- it's just a fun day for me. I like decorating my house, and making my kids' costumes, and going from door to door, especially to see people's decorations.

Just like xmas, the day doesn't have religious significance to everyone who celebrates it.

 

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Honoring, respecting, and loving the dead and our ancestors is the point. Dressing up to commune with them now that they've moved on to another plane of existence, that is the point. Dressing up to highlight the difference between that day and other days of the year, that things are different today and we might get messages from those no longer corporeal, THAT is the point.

Maybe for some people. I think that for most people in our neighborhood the point is to get a bunch of free candy and stay up way past bedtime.

 

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Originally Posted by EviesMom I always think: The veil is thinner and ghosts walk the earth tonight. People who do big gore fest things are so terrified of real ghosts, their own grandparents, etc., that they go to these insane lengths to distract themselves. How utterly sad. .

I think this is a big leap to make. My kids love the scary stuff, and told me in no uncertain terms that my scarecrows and pumpkins for outside the house just would.not.work for them this year. I let them go nuts with homemade scary stuf, and they did a great job. Although their craftwork is not good enough yet to really scare anyone, they tried hard. Even my 3 yo loves that stuff, even though he doesn't understand it. And I hardly think that any of my kids are terrified of real ghosts or their own grandparents. They are just people who like the scary aspects of Halloween.

I do think that if you are doing really frightening stuff, like jumping out on people, you need to employ a look-out who will let you know the age group of the kids approaching. Although, that said, my 3 yo was not the least bit afraid of a goblin who leapt out on us, nor a dracula who arose from his chair in the dark of the porch. So age doesn't mean much, it's more the temperament. My 3 yo had everyone in the store in hysterics when we got his costume (a bunny rabbit who is really a vampire.) He looked over all the vampire teeth, and was disappointed because there were no kids' vampire teeth 'with cherry juice' all over them. (ie blood). He wanted the yummy teeth, not the regular white ones.

We improvised by mushing some red candy into liquid, then dipping his vampire teeth into it before we left the house.

OP - Sorry your LO got scared. Maybe stand back next year and watch others approach houses that you are unsure of. Or just go trick or treating to people you know. That's what we used to do, before my older kids reached an age where they were brave enough to go out.

 

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Originally Posted by VeganMamaRed I So my gripe is WHY do people feel the need to put out really scary decorations when they KNOW little kids are going to be out trick or treating? I just hope she doesn't have nightmares. :

Because my teenager and his friends love it.

 

Awww, I'm sorry. That is the reason why we skip trick or treating all together and just go to a fall festival. If you are cool with attending them, they can be a great alternative.
This year we attended two, one at our church and one at a friends church. THere is a 'no scary costume' policy and there are a bunch of fun things to do, bounce houses, games, hay rides, ect. It's not 'churchy' at all, meaning there are no religious connotations. Best of all, both were totally free, and at the one at our church, there was a free buffet line and ice cream.

: The candy collecting is minimal as well, the kids get one piece for each game, so my 3.5 year old walked out with 6 pieces of candy. That way I don't feel guilty about hiding or restricting them from her.

 

I am so, so sorry -- and hope that your little one is able to regain her equilibrium and not let the incident color the fun of Halloween too much.

I have 3 year-old twins. We walked toward a house and saw a creature in a mask jump out at the kids in front of us. I was eternally grateful to the 12 year-old Bride of Dracula for yelling to the other costumed creatures that very little kids were approaching and warning them several times not to do anything. My guess is they had quite an elaborate production.

When the man jumped out, I told the twins that people think they are being really funny and think its fun to be scary on Halloween. That seemed to settle them. But I know if the element of surprise was there, like with your daughter, the story would be very different.

One has to wonder why people cannot use a little bit of judgment . . .

 

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Maybe for some people. I think that for most people in our neighborhood the point is to get a bunch of free candy and stay up way past bedtime.

Respectfully, a "give away candy and stay up late holiday" wouldn't have dressing up and death decorations at it's core. And anyway, if we all collect and give out candy, then how is it "free candy" really? At best it's a community trade.

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Originally Posted by Jessy1019 I like decorating my house, and making my kids' costumes, and going from door to door, especially to see people's decorations.

Decorations which are all about what? Death, horror, or pain generally speaking. (Or they're generic fall decorations, pumpkins, leaves) "Scary" ones are to establish that you aren't afraid of death, to make light of it. Kids surely are not thinking along those lines, and that's as it should be, they're copying adults, but I think adults and teens ought to be more up front about what all those skeletons and ghosts and blood and grim reapers are really all about. You're either celebrating death or you're mocking it. Plastic coffins make me think it's the latter.

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Originally Posted by Jessy1019 Just like xmas, the day doesn't have religious significance to everyone who celebrates it.

And I think that's misplaced and terribly sad for both holidays.

Anything else I could say would be better placed in the Spirituality forum.

 

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You're either celebrating death or you're mocking it.

Huh?
Brain-eating zombies...ok...I do find that concept amusing, I admit. But the skeletons and whatnot? Don't you think there could be options other that celebrating or mocking? Like, acknowledging? Dramatizing? etc?

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And I think that's misplaced and terribly sad for both holidays.

You can have fun with holidays without believing in the superstitions. I promise.

 

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Originally Posted by mamakay You can have fun with holidays without believing in the superstitions. I promise.

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I am confused. Was it a cheerily lit house or a house with very scary decorations?

You should skip the houses that you think would be too scary but if it was misleading then that is in poor taste and you should skip that house from now on. Maybe drop an anonymous note?

Halloween isnt about little kids trick or treating. You are on the mom track but a lot of people celebrate it for what it is...a scary holiday.

I have ALWAYS thought of Halloween as an adult holiday.

I am so sorry your babe was scared.